and in the deepest part of your essence
you understand what should be.
what is ultimately the right
the choice that is at hand.
yet you still choose to ignore the truth
the fact that rings so clear.
there is no one to blame but yourself
for the ignorance that brings tears
many times we falter
many times we get struck down.
we lose the focus and still can't focus
even when we know we have lost the focus.
and we dont understand why we can't pick ourselves up.
there seems to be 2 forces and too many choices leaving our mind in chaos.
one part tells me its not alright something is wrong a little out of place
the other says the others crazy there is nothing more but what I see.
and in the deepest part of your essence
you understand what should be.
what is ultimately the right
the choice that is at hand.
DO I really? know? what is right?
the the answer to the question that rings in my head
how can i know if i haven't seen?
or if they're constructs of my mind?
or sub conscience constructs from outside?
Where is the objectivity to this subjectivity?
The absolute truth?
The first cause to the entropy of this universe?
What foundation do we have if we cannot be sure of the existence of the material?
nothing............
but faith.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Zero Hour
Its time.
Too many things are going on.
Way too many but a part of me still thinks I can do it all.
Logically I can if I kill myself and don't sleep but actually I just tend to turn the brain off and forget about it =)
If you stepped into my life ATM you would die.
Please try to:
1.Coach a softball team that has zero experience
- practices on Tuesday and Thursday 6-9 pm =)
2. Keep your grades up @ school which includes
- Debate on the ontology of humans
-final 15 minutes piano performance jury evaluation = 493094 practice time
-Composition written out in full score and recorded for multiple instruments.
- 30 minute presentation on Oscar Peterson
- lets not forget the actual exam part that has been moved up early especially for grade 12
3. Organize a coffeehouse for school this includes:
- working with the music team
- working with the drama team
- making sure people know what they are sharing about
- preparing and buying food
- taking care of forms
- ensuring transport of equipment ex. drumset, sound system
- getting list of ppl attending to school administration
- preparing something to share
4. Get ready to plan One Way drama
5. Arrange rides for softball tournament
6. Fill in forms for UP and get sponsors and references
O have I mentioned I have 1.5 weeks to decide for sure what im doing next year?
7. Organize Church Coffeehouse.
Im pretty sure i forgot something too.......
O right
8. Jazz Cafe
- practices for JAzz band Tuesday
-JAzz choir wednesday
- I also have to practice with my jazz combo for evaluations
9. ALSO Prepare bible Study for Charis.
10. Uncle and cousins coming over to stay at the house
= have to prepare house and host them
11. Find a JOB!
Too many things are going on.
Way too many but a part of me still thinks I can do it all.
Logically I can if I kill myself and don't sleep but actually I just tend to turn the brain off and forget about it =)
If you stepped into my life ATM you would die.
Please try to:
1.Coach a softball team that has zero experience
- practices on Tuesday and Thursday 6-9 pm =)
2. Keep your grades up @ school which includes
- Debate on the ontology of humans
-final 15 minutes piano performance jury evaluation = 493094 practice time
-Composition written out in full score and recorded for multiple instruments.
- 30 minute presentation on Oscar Peterson
- lets not forget the actual exam part that has been moved up early especially for grade 12
3. Organize a coffeehouse for school this includes:
- working with the music team
- working with the drama team
- making sure people know what they are sharing about
- preparing and buying food
- taking care of forms
- ensuring transport of equipment ex. drumset, sound system
- getting list of ppl attending to school administration
- preparing something to share
4. Get ready to plan One Way drama
5. Arrange rides for softball tournament
6. Fill in forms for UP and get sponsors and references
O have I mentioned I have 1.5 weeks to decide for sure what im doing next year?
7. Organize Church Coffeehouse.
Im pretty sure i forgot something too.......
O right
8. Jazz Cafe
- practices for JAzz band Tuesday
-JAzz choir wednesday
- I also have to practice with my jazz combo for evaluations
9. ALSO Prepare bible Study for Charis.
10. Uncle and cousins coming over to stay at the house
= have to prepare house and host them
11. Find a JOB!
Monday, May 11, 2009
Soldier
its time to fight
the darkest night
drive the fear
with the light.
Kill all the pride
deep down inside.
Let not despair
fill your life
Hearts are torn
Sins are born
but He is Near
to be your might.
Keep Pressing on
Towards the dawn
We're almost there
no more strife.
the darkest night
drive the fear
with the light.
Kill all the pride
deep down inside.
Let not despair
fill your life
Hearts are torn
Sins are born
but He is Near
to be your might.
Keep Pressing on
Towards the dawn
We're almost there
no more strife.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Zoom
Zoom out see the bigger picture.
Beyond the small tragedies that we perceive.
See how God is going to work or how God IS working.Right now in this moment.
Its hard.
when things fall apart and it seems like there is no other way.
when it seems like we are losing, failing, being beaten down.
When doubts fill our minds and insecurities plague our hearts
Remember that it is not by our strength but by His that has the power to change
Not our desires or aspirations but His that is the best and most excellent.
We are but tools to be used.
The outcome is not in our hands.
"Good" or "Bad" it is in his plan
but His plan is always good.
The one thing we must do is let Him use us
To give up our pride and our will.
Not my will but Your will be done.
Only then can we be of any use.
Beyond the small tragedies that we perceive.
See how God is going to work or how God IS working.Right now in this moment.
Its hard.
when things fall apart and it seems like there is no other way.
when it seems like we are losing, failing, being beaten down.
When doubts fill our minds and insecurities plague our hearts
Remember that it is not by our strength but by His that has the power to change
Not our desires or aspirations but His that is the best and most excellent.
We are but tools to be used.
The outcome is not in our hands.
"Good" or "Bad" it is in his plan
but His plan is always good.
The one thing we must do is let Him use us
To give up our pride and our will.
Not my will but Your will be done.
Only then can we be of any use.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
God is Working
Friday was cell group night
Going in I was really distracted about softball and coffeehouse and worship night and school and 4:24.
WE MADE TACOS that were superly awesomely delicious.
It was a bit weird having a discussion on prayer and being joyful.
There were a lot of new people who came that weren't Christian.
It caught me off guard
As I started talking to them it really surprised me how open they were and how much they really wanted to know about God.
They wanted to come to church and the weird thing is they thought "they weren't allowed" because they weren't "Christian"
Some of the questions they asked seemed so obvious:
How do you know God loves you?
Where does it say that we're allowed to come to church?
How do you know God is listening to your prayers?
How come people I know who pray say that God isn't answering?
How do you turn Christian?
How is Jesus and God the same?
Which one is more powerful?
One guy saw the HUGE LCD SIGN outside the church and decided to come play basketball. (WOW the sign was actually USEFUL and not a complete waste of money)
and then someone asked him to come to fellowship and he came by himself!
WOAH
Its funny the people who participated most in the discussions were the new people who didn't know anything about God. They made the conversation real and you could tell they meant what they said even if the answers were "typical."
I could really see that they were seeking God EARNESTLY and THIRSTILY.
God brought them to a place where they could have their hearts open to him. No prejudices or skepticism, not distracted by other things.
Just the curious innocence of a child.
sometimes they'll get the wrong idea.
One person is really into doing good he sorta thinks that we do good for the sake of it hes still confused about how God fits into it.
The night really made me realize how much we ASSUME people know what Christianity is about and how little they really know and how a lot of what they think it is, isn't true.
If we could get over the misconceptions in our head that if we start talking about God people are gonna hate us, we can really be the light God has called us to be.
Its actually hard to find the truth with all the "Christians" out there. No one can tell which ones are really CONNECTED TO GO and KNOW him and which ones are just.... not
Cuz really if you look at it from and outside point of view its all the same.
Thats why we get owned as criticized as "Christians"
Cell group night was really refreshing for me.
I'm used to people having complicated epistemologys on why they don't believe in God
or people challenging my views and teasing me.
I feel that I always need to have an argument to defend my faith.
It felt so weird not always having to be so defensive.
But it also made me realize I shouldn't be defensive. Even if I have a good argument, people will always believe what they choose to believe. There is ALWAYS another theory or idea.
The only way to show the skeptics of our postmodern culture that the immaterial is more real than the real. That people are more than complex machines of causality . That there is an absolute truth and right way to live. That the God of the universe created us with a purpose...
IS to live out the truth.
SO
Let your faith stand strong sometimes you don't have to provide an explanation. Sometimes your actions explain everything.
Its hard I know, its something I'm working on too and getting a little better as each day passes by.
Going in I was really distracted about softball and coffeehouse and worship night and school and 4:24.
WE MADE TACOS that were superly awesomely delicious.
It was a bit weird having a discussion on prayer and being joyful.
There were a lot of new people who came that weren't Christian.
It caught me off guard
As I started talking to them it really surprised me how open they were and how much they really wanted to know about God.
They wanted to come to church and the weird thing is they thought "they weren't allowed" because they weren't "Christian"
Some of the questions they asked seemed so obvious:
How do you know God loves you?
Where does it say that we're allowed to come to church?
How do you know God is listening to your prayers?
How come people I know who pray say that God isn't answering?
How do you turn Christian?
How is Jesus and God the same?
Which one is more powerful?
One guy saw the HUGE LCD SIGN outside the church and decided to come play basketball. (WOW the sign was actually USEFUL and not a complete waste of money)
and then someone asked him to come to fellowship and he came by himself!
WOAH
Its funny the people who participated most in the discussions were the new people who didn't know anything about God. They made the conversation real and you could tell they meant what they said even if the answers were "typical."
I could really see that they were seeking God EARNESTLY and THIRSTILY.
God brought them to a place where they could have their hearts open to him. No prejudices or skepticism, not distracted by other things.
Just the curious innocence of a child.
sometimes they'll get the wrong idea.
One person is really into doing good he sorta thinks that we do good for the sake of it hes still confused about how God fits into it.
The night really made me realize how much we ASSUME people know what Christianity is about and how little they really know and how a lot of what they think it is, isn't true.
If we could get over the misconceptions in our head that if we start talking about God people are gonna hate us, we can really be the light God has called us to be.
Its actually hard to find the truth with all the "Christians" out there. No one can tell which ones are really CONNECTED TO GO and KNOW him and which ones are just.... not
Cuz really if you look at it from and outside point of view its all the same.
Thats why we get owned as criticized as "Christians"
Cell group night was really refreshing for me.
I'm used to people having complicated epistemologys on why they don't believe in God
or people challenging my views and teasing me.
I feel that I always need to have an argument to defend my faith.
It felt so weird not always having to be so defensive.
But it also made me realize I shouldn't be defensive. Even if I have a good argument, people will always believe what they choose to believe. There is ALWAYS another theory or idea.
The only way to show the skeptics of our postmodern culture that the immaterial is more real than the real. That people are more than complex machines of causality . That there is an absolute truth and right way to live. That the God of the universe created us with a purpose...
IS to live out the truth.
SO
Let your faith stand strong sometimes you don't have to provide an explanation. Sometimes your actions explain everything.
Its hard I know, its something I'm working on too and getting a little better as each day passes by.
Perform
Interview today for Mexx.
Basically the manager talked about the business philosophy of the company.
-take control of the customer make sure they leave the store with a bag in their hand
-not everyone is suited for this job
-outstanding interpersonal skills is needed to succeed
-high performers are a must
-you get bonus' and commissions to motivate you to do well
-you have to meet your daily sales quota
I wanted to barf =)
The business world is whack.
"Make money by manipulating people into thinking we care"
How should a Christian approach business?
I believe that first we connect with the people in a real and honest way this can only be done through God's love. Treat them as people not just another "customer."
Care about what they are looking for and help them to find the best deals in the store.
Can I do this?
I hope so
and I know God will bless me by honouring His commands
Basically the manager talked about the business philosophy of the company.
-take control of the customer make sure they leave the store with a bag in their hand
-not everyone is suited for this job
-outstanding interpersonal skills is needed to succeed
-high performers are a must
-you get bonus' and commissions to motivate you to do well
-you have to meet your daily sales quota
I wanted to barf =)
The business world is whack.
"Make money by manipulating people into thinking we care"
How should a Christian approach business?
I believe that first we connect with the people in a real and honest way this can only be done through God's love. Treat them as people not just another "customer."
Care about what they are looking for and help them to find the best deals in the store.
Can I do this?
I hope so
and I know God will bless me by honouring His commands
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Answer
So my story begins on Tuesday night when my cell group leader asked me to go to Missionfest. I wasn't sure if i wanted to go so I said I would get back to him.
On Wednesday morning during my devo time with God I suddenly felt the stress of not knowing what next year was going to bring. I went through all the possible scenarios:
stay back a semester, go to York, work for a year, wait for other universites (QUEENS CON-ED is my first choice) and maybe an intership somewhere (though not likely)
For the past few months I felt like God wanted me to stay in town next year so i assumed that i would end up going to York and not Queen's even though its my first choice. I also wanted to continue to use the creativity that God has given me to do His work but i didn't know how.
Anyways after my moment of stress I decided to pray and leave in in God's hands. After praying though, I suddenly felt like God wanted me to go to Queen's. I was a bit confused ......am I hearing God's voice properly or I'm I going crazy?
I came to the conclusion that what God wants to happen will happpen.
Then on Wednesday night my Cell group leader asked agian and I decided to go to Missionfest (some part of me thought i would find the answer there)
Which brings us to today......
I really didn't feel like going, but I had nothing better to do.
So off to Missionfest we went
The night began with a speaker right away which sorta caught me off guard but it was good. It reminded me of the passion and love that God has put in my heart for my peers. I also saw the amazing things God can do with someone who is willing.
The speaker Shayne or was soo.... weird but cool haha. So in tune with
God's heart it was hard to tell which was which.
I think Shayne was God's way of getting me to focus back on Him because for the past while I haven't been focused COMPLETELY on God. I mean I was but its like I was multitasking between God and other stuff....
So being refocused I decided to visit the mission booths.
I wasn't looking for anything in particular but I was open to whatever came my way.
First booth that caught my attention: NCIS (Network of International Christian Schools) basically its an opportunity to teach in other countries.
As soon I picked up the flyer I knew this was something that I wanted to do in a few years. Which means I need to get my teacher's degree.
Second booth: Artists in Christian testimony
Its soo cool its an organization that helps to support Christian Artists in using their creative abilities to serve God. Basically they help by training artists to get to the next level of their art discipline and provides a name for the artist to go under so that they can get donations for their ministry.
Third booth: Youth With a Mission
I randomly bumped into the person of this booth and decided to hear what it was about. It was an internship oppurnity for 5 months to go to another country to serve. The idea sounded like a great opportunity but I knew it wasn't for me.
Fourth booth: Centre for Student Missions (CSM)
At first I thought this was a booth for street missions so like City Street Missions
but it was actually a organization that help's groups of students go on missions trip. I dunno why but i ended up taking a card.
Fifth booth: Urban Promise
The first thing that caught my eye was the intership flyer so I asked about it.
I dunno what happened but as the guy was explaining the program, suddenly i just knew that this is what I am supposed to do. For 9 months I live in community that is in need around in GTA and help them out as well as invest time in mentoring 3-4 youth. I worked for 6 days and get one day off, but weekends are pretty chills basically i just chill with my youth on Saturday for a few hours and then bring to church on Sunday.
It was EXACTLY what I was looking for.
Everything came together:
- go to UP for a year
- apply to teacher's college (hopefully Queen's)
- teach in a country far away
-?
After Missionfest my pastor and I started talking about bringing a group of youth next year on a missions trip. I remember the card from CSM and yea it just worked out.
There are still a few things that are unclear:
I feel that there is another reason why I'm supposed to stay in town. What it is?
What can I do to use my creativity for God and improve myself as an artist for the kingdom? (I really wanna help the TC Media Kids next year but we'll see)
How the heck I am i gonna get into Queen's next year?
and of course I need to raise $6000.00 >.<
its all in God's hands though so no worries~
On Wednesday morning during my devo time with God I suddenly felt the stress of not knowing what next year was going to bring. I went through all the possible scenarios:
stay back a semester, go to York, work for a year, wait for other universites (QUEENS CON-ED is my first choice) and maybe an intership somewhere (though not likely)
For the past few months I felt like God wanted me to stay in town next year so i assumed that i would end up going to York and not Queen's even though its my first choice. I also wanted to continue to use the creativity that God has given me to do His work but i didn't know how.
Anyways after my moment of stress I decided to pray and leave in in God's hands. After praying though, I suddenly felt like God wanted me to go to Queen's. I was a bit confused ......am I hearing God's voice properly or I'm I going crazy?
I came to the conclusion that what God wants to happen will happpen.
Then on Wednesday night my Cell group leader asked agian and I decided to go to Missionfest (some part of me thought i would find the answer there)
Which brings us to today......
I really didn't feel like going, but I had nothing better to do.
So off to Missionfest we went
The night began with a speaker right away which sorta caught me off guard but it was good. It reminded me of the passion and love that God has put in my heart for my peers. I also saw the amazing things God can do with someone who is willing.
The speaker Shayne or was soo.... weird but cool haha. So in tune with
God's heart it was hard to tell which was which.
I think Shayne was God's way of getting me to focus back on Him because for the past while I haven't been focused COMPLETELY on God. I mean I was but its like I was multitasking between God and other stuff....
So being refocused I decided to visit the mission booths.
I wasn't looking for anything in particular but I was open to whatever came my way.
First booth that caught my attention: NCIS (Network of International Christian Schools) basically its an opportunity to teach in other countries.
As soon I picked up the flyer I knew this was something that I wanted to do in a few years. Which means I need to get my teacher's degree.
Second booth: Artists in Christian testimony
Its soo cool its an organization that helps to support Christian Artists in using their creative abilities to serve God. Basically they help by training artists to get to the next level of their art discipline and provides a name for the artist to go under so that they can get donations for their ministry.
Third booth: Youth With a Mission
I randomly bumped into the person of this booth and decided to hear what it was about. It was an internship oppurnity for 5 months to go to another country to serve. The idea sounded like a great opportunity but I knew it wasn't for me.
Fourth booth: Centre for Student Missions (CSM)
At first I thought this was a booth for street missions so like City Street Missions
but it was actually a organization that help's groups of students go on missions trip. I dunno why but i ended up taking a card.
Fifth booth: Urban Promise
The first thing that caught my eye was the intership flyer so I asked about it.
I dunno what happened but as the guy was explaining the program, suddenly i just knew that this is what I am supposed to do. For 9 months I live in community that is in need around in GTA and help them out as well as invest time in mentoring 3-4 youth. I worked for 6 days and get one day off, but weekends are pretty chills basically i just chill with my youth on Saturday for a few hours and then bring to church on Sunday.
It was EXACTLY what I was looking for.
Everything came together:
- go to UP for a year
- apply to teacher's college (hopefully Queen's)
- teach in a country far away
-?
After Missionfest my pastor and I started talking about bringing a group of youth next year on a missions trip. I remember the card from CSM and yea it just worked out.
There are still a few things that are unclear:
I feel that there is another reason why I'm supposed to stay in town. What it is?
What can I do to use my creativity for God and improve myself as an artist for the kingdom? (I really wanna help the TC Media Kids next year but we'll see)
How the heck I am i gonna get into Queen's next year?
and of course I need to raise $6000.00 >.<
its all in God's hands though so no worries~
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