Open Your Eyes

To the battlefield that is our world.
Can you see the casualties of the spiritual war that reflects into the physical?

The world can be a place full of such GOODNESS but also a place filled with extreme pain and suffering

The human heart can be filled with love but also harbour dark sins

darkness and light cannot exist in the same place for long
One must be destroyed and the other left to rule.

Open your eyes to the bondage all around you.
People walking in sin letting it rot their very being
The older they get the more corrupt they become
The ones that look the best are actually the most depraved
The ones that look the most vile are the ones closest to redemption
Children of the light allow the Spirit to take ground in your heart and submit yourselves to the Holy Father who lives in unapproachable light.
As we walk out of the darkness into the light
Let the light shine in the darkness.
Let it overflow and bring life to those who would receive it.

We must pray for it is the only weapon we have.
The spiritual is more real than the physical.
So prayer becomes the life of the kingdom minded Christian
For he knows that he does nothing and can only ask for the Father to work.

The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
-2 Timothy 4:18

Last Sunday

So this past Sunday I walked into church and really just wanted to worship God. As I was singing I really felt like getting out of the pews to just kneel before God and worship Him like that. The problem was I didn't want to look stupid cuz everyone else was singing quietly or just standing there. I then thought to myself wait I'm here to worship GOD not here to not be able to worship Him and stand here pretending to worship Him. So I decided to go and worship God the way I wanted to. It was only then that I felt free and God's presence really filling me up! I was soo joyful I wanted to SHOUT "PRAISE JESUS! HE HAS SAVED US FROM OUR SINS!" except I thought that was definitely over doing it. I would get in trouble afterward. I felt God saying to me "DO IT proclaim my NAME to the people around you! Do not fear man what can he do to you? I am with you." So I did and right after I felt God saying "GOOD JOB GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT! With you I am well pleased" I started bawling because His presence filled my whole being and for those few minutes I WAS FREE! I felt another brother come behind me to pray for me. It was good to know that I wasn't alone. I never wanted to leave...except worship time was over so I awkwardly went to sit back in the pews.

THE END

Dream

I had a very troubling dream.
I've never really felt anything like it. I mean it was a normal dream I guess except the emotions I felt were so real. I would even say more than real.... it was deeper Spiritual emotion if thats possible.

Anyways I woke up and was VERY VERY disturbed. Not one of those wake up from a nightmare and then you tell yourself it was nightmare and go back to sleep no problem. More like I woke up and knew that it was more that just a dream. I felt the Spirit trying to tell me something, not in the quiet still way but in the desperate sorrowful DO SOMETHING NOW way.

In my dream....well I don't remember much of it but there were some parts that I remember very strongly... it was so real. As I'm starting to write things are coming into my head about the setting of the world that I dreamed about.

I was in a world where there was an enormous line. Everyone would follow whoever was in front of them in this line. The line would pass by various attractions and places of entertainment. Everyone in the line would be brought to the same places of attraction and forced to stay there...except they didn't know they were being forced. The shows never changed at these various places but those running it would put on the same show again and again continuously on loop. The people in the line didn't look to see what was ahead of them but only kept waiting to get to the next show. It was what they lived for. The snaked throughout the whole world but the part of the line I was in went through a giant concert hall like the skydome. It was underground. Throughout the dream there was a deep sense of URGENCY. So strong that when I think about it now it makes me want to barf.

I don't remember dreaming about this but I think in my head I got bored of waiting in line and went to wander off on my own. I met two friends Michelle and Arnold. I was very excited to see them cuz they were like me and I remember hugging Michelle and Arnold and somehow there was this deep spiritual connection between us. We found a sewer/tunnel that connects the building we were in to the outside world.

OK this is the part I actually remember dreaming about.

I was an outsider, an intruder in the world. My appearance in the world was against it. Suddenly I was forced to play a cruel game where the world was the playing ground. The point of the game was to run like hell away from it. We started to play this game that people heard about but never took interest in participating in.

The rules were simple: If the darkness overtook me I lost, but if I was able to run away and stay away from it for a certain amount of time and bring this object to some location SOMEWHERE then I won and lived. I had taken almost stolen something very precious and the darkness wanted to get it back. I think the thing I stole was myself. It owned me and wanted me back. Throughout the dream I didn't know where exactly I was supposed to go but I sorta knew where I had to go next in order to get there.

We got out of the of tunnel into the outside world. Everything around me was a tinge of grey....there wasn't much colour or life. There was a sense of joy and intimacy like we had just gotten out of something very dark together. We talked and joked for a bit. I suggested that we go somewhere to hangout, to be together. I don't remember where. Michelle started to act differently. She said she would go with us but I knew she didn't really want to. She just sorta wanted to stay behind where she was. The bus came. Arnold and I got on but she didn't. As the bus left. I felt worse than sad like I had lost a part of myself. I knew I was never going to see her again. However, the URGENCY pushed me to keep moving because the darkness was coming to swallow up where I was if I didn't keep running away. It was relentless, always right behind me ready to take me if I fell for even a second. Arnold told me "I'll get with you a little bit of the way and see how it goes"

The odds were against me it VERY FEW people had ever escaped this darkness before. In the world that I was in no one had EVER fought against this darkness and won, but somehow I was on my way to defeating it. It felt good.

Next scene: I am at a subway station the train is about to leave. I get in just as the doors close. Arnold was right behind me but doesn't make it in. I yell at him "Get on the next train as soon as possible I'll meet up with you later on." He tells me "Its ok I don't want to go its too hard I'm going to go back home." Another deep sense of loss. The scene fades into blackness.

Final scene: People were cheering me on, encouraging me. They were excited at what I was about to do because no one had ever done it. I was told to GO to some place to reach my destination. In front of me was a huge escalator. I decided that I was going to run up it and get to the end ASAP. As a got ready to run, for some reason I couldn't move anymore. I was paralyzed. My friend Justin appeared. He said to me "Do you have faith?, take hold of me." I took hold of his arm and he ran like superman and brought me to a street close to the place where I was supposed to be. He said in a very excited voice "Do you get what you have? If we do this, we get the Spirit prize." I didn't know what it was but by the way he talked about it, it sounded pretty awesome to me. It was something that everyone wanted but didn't have the courage to take for themselves. The darkness was coming I had to face it this time and trust that something was going to happen.

I woke up. Very disturbed. I knew God was trying to tell me something throughout the dream. I sat there praying asking God to tell me ....and then I understood.

People are dying
There isn't much time left
Keep moving or you'll get owned by Satan
Make sure you support your fellow believers so they don't fall
The prize at the end is beyond anything you can imagine.

Dear God

I'm feeling very very sad right now. I really really want to be able to worship you and sing about how AWESOME You are but I feel like I can't. I just feel like there's huge barrier keeping us from you when we worship. It makes me want to cry because I want soo badly for people to experience Your presence, how good You really are to us cuz I know that if they could just get that glimpse, a taste of You then they wouldn't care so much about other things cuz all they would want is You and they'd be soo much happier cuz they'll see that Your really all that they needed and everything else is just extra and then they'll praise you even more. It hurts me to see the people I know not really seeking you wholeheartedly. They're missing out on soo much and.... they're hurting themselves. I don't want them to live in sin anymore. I want them to REALLY REALLY REALLY want to be GOOD and then see how GOOD it is to be good. I don't want them to think that they're good enough cuz there's soo much more. They're your children God so don't leave them like this. I ask that you would break them if it needed it. I ask that you smash this church and shake its foundations if it would truly bring us back to You. Don't let us die like this. I don't think I can take it much longer ='( I just want to be able to chill and suddenly start SHOUTING your praise and not be looked at weird. To have your Spirit fill us with Your Joy, peace and Love every time we hangout as your children. I want people to stop trying to "do church" and really BE the church. I want us to be so filled with your presence that we WANT to love those around us. I'm crying God please hear me. we don't deserve it but we NEED You so much. We need your LOVE. So I'm praying on behalf of my church, please please please come do something!
Forgive us of our sins. We don't want to do those things anymore. We're REALLY sorry we don't get how stupid we are.

God I feel alone so please give me some help. I don't know what to do.

In Jesus Name,
Amen

Distress

I started to feel very distressed in my spirit last night.
The Spirit was speaking to me. I couldn't sleep. Something isn't right. I'm still not 100% sure. Don't want to say anything yet. Need to talk to an older brother or sister....

Pray for me
that I can understand what Words the Spirit is placing on my heart and that it is correct.

Clearer

Starting to hear a little clearer now
Its actually really scary and a bit uncomfortable at times
Everywhere I go if I listen carefully enough.... BOOM voice talks to me
Especially when I read the Word its like suddenly I know know stuff that's not explicitly written
I feel like I'm closer to understanding how God walked with us at the beginning of creation.

still small voice.....

PTL

Praise the Lord
Who can fathom Him?
Who can stand up to His majesty?
No one on heaven or earth.

His Kingdom is eternal
Bow down and tremble all ye people
For our God is an awesome God who lives in unapproachable Light
Fear Him for He is to be feared.

The Lord is gracious to all who love Him.
He blesses those who look to Him.
Come and be filled all ye thirsty people
Taste that the Lord is good.

To those who fear His Holy Name
The Son of Righteousness will rise with healing in His wings
Turn to the Lord
For the He is merciful and just.

The Voices

In my head are driving me crazy.
Which one is the right one?

I have been charged to be the voice of God in a godless world
There is so much weight, a burden but also freedom and joy in knowing the truth.
I will be held accountable for what I say and do not say.
Either way I'm screwed

Father forgive me because I know that I cannot do this. I will fall short of your expectations.

Strengthen me, help me let me be able to discern your still small Voice amidst the chaos. For it is only by your grace alone that I can do this.

Let me find rest in Your presence.

The voice of the evil one seems SOO RIGHT
darkness masquerading as light
I walk a very fine line.

The spiritual world is SOO real. I thought that it was only a temporary thing but everywhere I go now. I sense things almost see but not really. I dunno its confusing.

At church today I wanted to cry because there was such oppression in the congregation. A barrier preventing them from worshiping. My heart wished that they would truly be able to SEE with unveiled eyes and give PRAISE to God for what He has done for us.

Much prayers are needed please. It is by them that God has brought me this far.
I want to be an instrument of God not the devil.
Thank- you.

May I be humble and do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.
Father forgive for the times that I do.

I'm starting to feel and see that wherever I go God has already prepared work for me to do and really I don't have to do anything but be there.

God is working
We must be diligent in prayer.
Laboring in it
Struggling in it.

Praise be to His Name
Forever and ever

Amen

Its time

The Lord has heard the prayers of His faithful servants. The cries of the righteous made perfect by the blood of the Lamb for the salvation of the broken souls.

The prophesy made long ago by the prophet Joel

"And afterward,
I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
your old men will dream dreams,
your young men will see visions.

Even on my servants, both men and women.
I will pour out my Spirit in those days.

I will show wonders in the heavens
and on the earth,
blood and fire and billows of smoke."
-Joel 2:28-30

Eyes are being open, hearts returning to the Holy One.
We must have faith and fight the strongholds that have infested the church.
But we cannot do this on our strength.

"Wait on the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait on the Lord"
-Psalm 27:14

Focus your eyes on the Lord and be ready for that day or else you will be caught naked and ashamed.

"Do not put out the Spirit's fire. Do not treat prophesies with contempt. TEST EVERYTHING. Hold on to good. Avoid every kind of evil"
-1 Thessalonians 5:19-22

Keep the unity of the body. Rebuke in love what needs to be rebuked. Let the Lord guide you.
Do everything in love

Grace and Peace be with you as you continue to walk with the Lord.
(2 Peter 1:2)

I Walk

Around in a world not my own. I feel out of place in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I am slowly going crazy. I see things that can't be seen. I sense things I can't explain. My heart is in anguish at the sin all around me. Why can't the people see the gravity of their situation? I feel sick. I need to get away. The Holy God calls to me commanding me to WAIT. While the evil one tempts me, discourages me, mocks me, his lies POUNDING in my head. "Give up, your worthless, you deserve to suffer". My mind thrown into chaos as I struggle to pray, to focus, to find rest. Day after day night after night, I sleep but find no rest. My eyes give away my weariness. I phase in and out of the reality in my head and the "real world." Believing that the one I read about is more real than the one I see. Confusion overtakes me as I try to make the two fit together with one another to little avail. Then I understand that they fit together perfectly its my imperfect grasp of both that causes me to fear or rather my unwillingness to accept my complete uncontrol of anything.

TC is coming up. I feel SOMETHING happening. I know that its going to be a hard trial. So I try to prepare myself for battle: Memorizing scripture, immersing myself in prayer asking others to pray....thats all I know how to do. Except I know that its already started. So that the glory of God can be revealed we must decrease so Christ can increase and be given all the glory.

Psalm 91

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."

Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.

A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-
then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.

For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

Good-bye

Said goodbye to my kids today.
It was ..... alright I guess.
I wish that I could invested more time into them but its ok they're ultimately in God's hands.

Broke fast, it hurt soo much to eat again.
But it was such a good reminder than the Lord is the provider of all.

Tongues

Today.

CTI is where I feel the Spirit guiding me.
It just came out of no where. So I filled out the application, sent it in today and asked people to be my references. Still need to do an audition video.

I am so hungry but I desire the Living God more than food. For He is more than the air that we breathe, the food that we eat more than anything else.

I was reading the Word today (2 Corinthians 4.) The Spirit filled me and revealed divine truth to deep for me to express in words. I tried to speak it out but I couldn't it was too great, instead the Spirit started to speak whispers of the divine through my lips.

Its funny I always thought that when people spoke in tongues or prophesied that they couldn't control it, that God took over their body like in the movies. But from my experience the Word God will speak through you if you allow Him to speak through you. You still have a choice to be His vessel (1 Corinthians 14:32). A lot of times when I receive word I doubt myself or doubt it. When you do that you don't have faith and that's when you choose not to use your gift and the body is not edified. Hence why it always comes down to faith. Even the disciples doubted when they saw Jesus in His resurrected form. Doubt is a serious barrier for the work of God to be done.

Another Adventure

Due to a lot of safety regulations and rules Urban Promise had to let me go as an Intern. I have a week to move out of the apartment. So its been pretty crazy trying to figure out how to say good-bye to my kids and the Urban Promise family. I sorta felt it coming definitely a divine intervention. I just knew that it was going to happen. A problem I was facing was balancing TC Media and UP. Two big ministry events overlapped for both of them: Retreat and The actually TC. So I was praying about it I knew UP was my first commitment so I gave media a heads up about not being there the weekend before and the first morning of TC. I knew that it was in God's hands, so things worked out in that way.... short term anyways.

So what am I going to do for the long term, the next phase of my life? No clue.
I love the uncertainty though. I thought God was close to me before but now its like crazy.

I realized as I was praying that I always expected to go to university but I never really asked God if that was where He wanted me to go to serve Him. So for now its just intense fast and pray.

A question I have always asked myself:
Does God have a specific will for my life?

or

Does He give me a lot of freedom to choose? Maybe he gives us freedom but He actually has a specific will for you if you choose to seek it out enough. A lot of people just assume or only limit God and leave things up to Him within social rules set up by the culture.

ex.You have to go to university, which university should I go to?

that sounds wrong to me I mean if we really have given our lives to Him that means everything.

Well w/e I'm gonna pray and see what happens. Making choices is scary but that's the beauty of being human. Its a gift. I make the choice to give God the choice and then to obey it.

I want more
I want to see the faith I read about in the word come to life right here right now.
I want to see God bring my city back to Him
I want the glory and majesty of the King to be made manifest for all to see.
I want to declare His Name to the Earth.

Let all the nations worship Him.