Conversation with God

Me: God I'm too young to do this. I mean common Jesus didn't start his ministry till he was 30 and He's your Son. I should be following Him right? So I need at least 12 more years to get some life experience.

God: w/e I called Jeremiah when he was 16. I called Samuel when he was a kid. No excuse.

Me: *thinking inside my head* Ok I can still go back to high school and forget any of this ever happened. I need to get better grades for university anyways....

God: Sure go back to high school. Remember what happened to Jonah? I'll just send a land whale to eat you up as your studying . You can't run away.

Me: Father, my parents they didn't know what they were doing when they named me. They're just over religious or something... definitely had too high expectations on me. You can't take what they do seriously. AND on top of that evangelism was one of the LOWEST scorings on my spiritual gifts test. The test doesn't lie!

God: Your parents didn't name you. I did. Who's the one who made you? Who is all sovereign? Your going to let a bunch of questions tell you who you are instead of ME the Creator of all things?

Me: OK FINE but you know. I don't think I have the proper skills to do this. I'm definitely not strong enough, I'm scared of people, there's a huge list...

God: Moses, He kept complaining about not being able to speak. Finally I let him have his way. Aaron spoke for him.

Me: *in head* Ok definitely don't want to have to face further consequences, shouldn't argue.... I should just do this. Its not like I can escape God T_T"

God: See was that so hard? Aren't you glad I blessed you with the gift of the bible so you can learn from the mistakes of your past brothers.

Me: Ok thank- you God.

Mindmap of my Heart

click to enlarge....

Fallen

We shut our ears from the Holy God
Tuned out His voice, turning up our I-pods
Unquenchable desires started to burn with in
Tried to fill the void with devastating sins.
Uncontrollable lusts we yearn for more
But we don't even know what we're living for
Destroying the Earth the gift that God gave
Fighting for land sending each other to graves
Broken, dysfunctional relationships
Gossip and slander filling our lips
Logging on to facebook trying to have the best looks
The truth is we're all hooked

War torn countries living in fear
But the rest of world doesn't really care
Children starving struggling to live
While the rich sit back unwilling to give
Materialism running rampant in our society
Little kids armed with guns, an impropriety
Young girls taken sold for sex
While all we do is sit back and except
Injustice plaguing our world everyday
Humanity thrown in disarray
Creation screams in pain
Yet we continue to let evil reign

Divorce rates are rising
Morals more compromising
Corrupt advertising
When are we going to start realizing
That the way we are living is terrorizing,
Demonizing
The essence of who we are
Father forgive us we have strayed so far....

We cry out in need of a way out
Time is ticking clicking away
Were headed the wrong way
Once a Holy race in union God
But now we're a disgrace, we chase after frauds


Its easy to tell
We're all headed straight to hell

Window to My Soul

I must confess the flesh is beating in my chest.
Trying to break me, to destroy me.
My soul desperately trying to break free.
Second by second the Spirit vs. my flesh fighting
So tired I need some rest
Heart in chaos, different thoughts fill my head
I try to go to bed but....
SLEEPLESS NIGHTS, TERRIBLE FRIGHTS
I SCREAM FATHER TURN ON THE LIGHTS

My Father, He says hang on we're almost there
I'm taking you to a better place so don't fear, I'm right there by your side.
Wipe away these tears that you've been trying to hide
I warned you following me wasn't going to be a pleasant ride.

I say I can't do this I'm done, can't run this race set out before me
Not as strong as those who ran before me.
Just let it end now and kill me

He says I know you can't do this, your weak
but I'll the the strength that you seek.

its too late can't go back
No choice need to hold on till I get there
where? where? everywhere everywhere, anywhere anywhere
I don't care, but not hereI don't care, but not hereI don't care, but not here
I don't care, but not hereI don't care, but not hereI don't care, but not here

Persevere, Persevere, Persevere Persevere, Persevere, Persevere
Persevere, Persevere, Persevere Persevere, Persevere, Persevere

Almost there? I think I see the light don't know been let down too many times
feel the Spirit
Going deep down to the depths of heart setting it right
So alone, I moan
feeling each cut to the heart, burns like hell
paralyzed can't move
hurts so much want to puke
want to cry, can't
don't want to think, can't
forget trying to rhyme
can't express intense pain
God where the F*** is your healing rain?

being driven insane
!@!()@#**!^&#&*(#_*(_*#()
#*()#**)#(*#()*()*()#*()#*()}#*
#@#(__(!)#(+!#*()$&&*^&^&^&


Daddy says
I feel your pain.....

and I wonder is this what it means to suffer for Jesus' name?

Here we go.

So now that I think about it and have reflected on it.
How should I say this?

I get severe intense moments of depression, anxiety, fear,worry and hopelessness. It gets to the point where I just want God to take me to heaven. I really believe its not because I'm sick but that its a spiritual attack from Satan. The only thing that keeps me going is my faith in God; holding to his promises.

On the other hand, sometimes I get extreme intense moments where God reveals mind blowing truths to me. I'm filled with crazy amounts of joy to the point that I can't sleep.

So yeah definitely need prayer~

Treasures In Jars of Clay

I've been walking on the road of redemption
Taking each step at a time, some are good some are bad
I keep fighting the fight of faith.
Turning my eyes to heaven

and even when darkness surrounds me
when it tells me theres no more hope
that the path set before is all suffering
that the God I serve is not good...

There are treasures in jars of clay
Beauty admidst the brokenness of man
Treasure in jars of Clay
Christ outshines the darkness in our hearts

There is healing in his wings
Renewal is just a part of grace.
Despair will not defeat me
hopelessness will not claim me

Watch and see my God work this out in me.