Its going to be ok

Sometimes you need to trust.

You need to stop thinking:
"What else can I do?"
"Why isn't it getting better?"
"How is going to end?"
"What if this happens or that happens?"
"When will it stop?"

When you have done all you can
or even when you have not done all you can.

Past two Sunday Sermons= learned a lot

Intrusion: God has intruded so many times in my life and he just keeps on going
but its the BEST thing that has ever happened to me.
because for once in my life I feel ALIVE

Assurance: Many times the assurance is there but I didn't see it
But now after looking back I am able to see the assurances that God has given to me
in the past. So this time around I'm able to be assured. Its like my eyes can see a bit
more than before.

Greater things are coming. Greater things are just around the corner. I can feel it. I can see the assurance of it.

I feel that God is saying:
"The miracles you have seen are JUST THE BEGINNING. I will pour out my power and glory in this church 10 times over and you will see that I am truly God you of little faith."

The time is coming
When? I dunno
but I do know it will be right on time
because God's time is the best time.

Cut Away

One of the biggest chains are beginning to be cut off.
Mercilessly filed down; link by link.
IT HURTS like You don't want to feel this
because after all it is melded in as part of me.

Little by little as it is being hacked way
Little by little I can move a bit more
I thought I was free..but that was just an illusion
Because now that half of the chain is gone... I can MOVE SO much more

The other half.... is still to come
The first half well I think that was the easier part....
Now comes the hard part.
I can't go back now

Lets do this God

2 Corinthians 6: 3-133

We put no stumbling block in anyone's path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. 4Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; 5in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; 6in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; 7in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; 8through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; 9known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; 10sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.

11We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you. 12We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us. 13As a fair exchange—I speak as to my children—open wide your hearts also.

Reconnect To Reality (TC theme)

Reconnect to reality
When I think of this I definitely have " Christians" in mind. Those people who just don't get it. Who don't see the reality of what KNOWING God is about.

Today I was hanging out with some of my peers after service and they were complaining about how they didn't want to go to Sunday School because its so boring. They were saying things like "I already sat through a service blah blah I don't want to listen to another boring lecture from the pastor." So I said to them "don't go if you don't want to, its not like people are forcing you to go"
I heard one person say "Yea w/e we can just sit in the back and talk anyways"
Eventually the group of 5 people went but they came in like 30 minutes late. They went cuz they FELT GUILTY WTF is that? They went because they didn't want the pastor to TELL THEIR parents. THEY went because they didn't want the PASTOR to be mad at them! AND the whole time I'm thinking YOU DONT GET IT DO YOU? Its not about what people think or your parents its ABOUT GOD. GOD DONT WANT YOU GOING CU YOU FEEL GUILTY. HE WANTS YOU TO GO BECAUSE YOU LOVE HIM AND YOU WANT TO BE WITH HIM
Isn't that soo messed? Like seriously you don't go to church because you feel its like an obligation you go to church because you WANT TO LEARN AND MEET with God. You go to meet with other believers to encourage and pray for one another. I got soo pissed off cuz the whack thing is .....half of those people were leaders of our fellowship.

So i ask the question: Do these people really KNOW the reality of KNOWING GOD? Because if they did they would't have such a **** attitude because GOD IS SOOO AMAZING..... and if they do....then yooo those kids are WHACKED up. Thats the reality of this theme
THE REALITY of KNOWING GOD.
not just REconnecting cuz you can't reconnect when you haven't been connected

In Christ
Evangel

Pain

Let it rain
Let it pour down
and wash away my sadness
drench me and take it away.

and when the sun shines again
I will be clean and beautiful
The light will glisten against my soaked body
and I will glow.

In the warmth I will find rest
In the warmth I will dry and the days of wetness will be but a distant memory

EFW

I did not think cuz I always thought that this was the way it was gonna be.
Still a part of me hoped that maybe.
I guess I didn't realize until it was too late
But really would I have done anything different?
NO
Because I know that there are greater things; I made my choice
Right now it hurts after all I am only human I have feelings too.

So many times I debated and questioned myself is it REAL?
And now I know the answer: IT IS REAL.

I think I understand just a little of how God feels.
and i know that he is GOOD
but it hurts

Two parts of myself.
One screams YES LORD
the other screams in AGONY
yet another is waiting patiently
and the other is questioning why this is happening.

TRUST and FAITH are put to the test.

I really care about you and so I leave you in God's hands
because he knows better.
I also leave myself in God's hands because really I have nothing if I don't keep going.
If I give up.....but no I won't

Even though I am weak He gives me strength to Love.

I SCREAM in PAIN
YET I am at peace.

Nowhere but Everywhere

Sometimes it seems like God has no place is some parts of life.
Its hard to see how God is part of those things. Its hard to follow intangible commands.
Love your neighbor
but really HOW can we love
how do we love?

Little acts of kindness?

What makes God's love sooo much more than humanistic love?
Really there's a fine line?
or is there?

Sometimes people can be caring and understanding
and other times soo cruel.

Today was piano solo day................ and I didn't really do too well on mine.
I was really upset and sad. It seems like something so stupid to be sad over but I am human.
I guess I practiced so hard and my performance fell short of my expectations. I am quite the perfectionist when it comes to art that matters to me.
I don't know what happened i was just really emo and yea it sort of made me mad that I couldn't help being sad acting sad. ( I didn't want to look weak)

But one thing that stuck out to me was the way my friends really showed that they cared for me. They clearly knew I was upset and they actually tried to and managed to make me feel better.
The weird thing is it never occurred that they cared about how I felt 0.o
(damn i sound like a girl)

At the same time my friends are also the people who sit around and make fun of this one kid in my piano class. They say some really nasty things. Things that make me sad LOL.

I think in my mind I sort of create a false image of what people who don't know God are like.
I always think of ME giving giving giving God's Love. I forget that in essence humans were created to love. Its something that is supposed to be natural. I mean we're always looking to find our "true love" "soul mate" We want to start a family so we can love and share our love. We hear expressions like having a kid is the greatest joy in life and then we hear the parents complaining about the whining kid. But even through that there is this JOY in loving a child.
I was watching gossip girl and I think it was really able to portray what the love of family SHOULD be like.

So we do have this knowledge, expectation of what love is. Yet so many of us fall short of that ideal.

As I was thinking about the question of "Where is God in all of this?"
I sort of realized: God is in all creation. God shows himself through the wonders of the world. We take for granted the smallest things which actually are soo complicated it just blows me away. PEOPLE were created in the IMAGE of GOD.

I'm not saying that we are God but we can see a little but of God through us.
BUT the problem is SIN.
SIN is what taints who were created to be its what clouds the "Godliness in us"
Its what covers up what God wanted us to see.
Something that was once soo simple to see is now covered in dirt. It becomes hard to make out what it originally was.
Like painting covered in dirt.
The more we sin the more we get covered in dirt. The harder it is to see good things. The things God had in store for us.

In the world today we can see soo many GOOD things and we can see soo many BAD things.
Some of the things the artist had in mind can still be seen CLEARLY
some of those things are a little clouded.
Some of those things are covered in black altogether.

Let me use LOVE as an example:

Love exists but some of the love is twisted in ways that well make it a little disturbing
Unrequited Love (Love is supposed to go both ways but sometimes.... well its sad)

Conditional Love (I'll only love you as long as......) of course we say we love them forever but please the amount of couples who actually last 10 years like less and less

Animal love (you know what i mean not like having a pet but like those people who marry animals and have sex with them)

Gay Love ( a hard issue to explain in this blog maybe i will later or i could do another blog on it)

Love that was once good turned bad
Fathers rapping their daughter while the mother does nothing (saw it on House)
Children stealing for their parents
Parents loving one child more than the other (happens a lot it really does screw up a kids self image)
Kids killing their parents


HATE is love but messed up to the worst level
because really you can't hate if you haven't loved because you simply wouldn't care about a person enough to hate them if you haven't love. (i stole it from Rachel Hon what a smart girl)

I can go on all day. not just with love but with other things like The environment, Music, sports, Fear, science, EVERYTHING

But hopefully you get the point of
God is EVERYWHERE
but SIN is what clouds Him from being seen.....
SIN= UNNATURAL, messes up life.

as Christians we are the ones who show "The light"
The way it supposed to be.
LOVE in the way that God wanted
and the idea is that people will sorta of see that the way its supposed to be is really the way they want it to be because its whats supposed to be natural.

Obsession

Hours tick by and still I'm here
thinking of this one thing that I fear
longing comes while unaware
again I'm stuck in a cycle of despair

Freedom is something I should have attained
but seems that I'm actually chained to this one thing
though not a sin; an unhealthily obsession to my life

Life not mine, I should shine but still in line ....obsessed
Cut the chain, no more pain. May you reign .... a test?
Still holding Im eroding my life its folding I .... confessed

STOP its driving my insane, this is NOT a GAME
Consumed by these thoughts
I know : This a part of me
Its ugly
but its the truth
not a twisted reality

Fire

Hebrew 12:28-30
28Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, 29for our "God is a consuming fire."

Consuming Fire
it only takes a small spark to get a fire started
once that fire has taken place and starts burning it produces LIGHT and WARMTH

I believe that the spark has already started to take hold.
Yet there are soo many things that can put it out.

Let the fire spread
May this generation be the one where miracles are seen
Where lives are changed
People see and hear
and understand

but sometimes I gotta ask
Where is the fire that once burned soo brightly?
fire can't burn without something TO burn.
it needs fuel, a medium

WE Christians are the medium that God chooses to use
If there are so many of us then why isn't this WHOLE WORLD consumed in God?
Why isn't the fire catching on?

Is it because we're wet?
that is the only explanation
too drenched in sin
drenched in selfishness
soaked in fame
soaked in pleasure

Imagine if we could just get a small fire going?
If we could dry ourselves?
What amazing things could happen? can happen?
Will happen?

I see a Church that is burning so brightly it attracts people like bugs to a bond fire.
A church that prays, that shares, that burns everything it touches.
wouldn't that be AMAZING?

"Set our hearts on fire"

Tried

Today was a struggle.
I'm so used to God just making everything easy?
All I have to do and trust and He makes amazing things happen.
I knew that it wasn't always gonna be that easy
I was hoping that it would last a little longer.
but its seems that I am once again being pushed to change to grow.

When I talk about God so many times it just flows out of me like a waterfall
and I can feel God speaking through me.
Today as I was sharing, every word was a struggle to get out. Maybe it's because I didn't prayer enough or prepare better. But I don't think that was it because I did pray. I sorta felt this was coming. God was saying...."ok...its time to take off the training wheels"
Even though there were awkward silences and times when it seemed like people didn't get it. I still held on to to promise that God was there and that he was in control. When we started to get into groups I didn't know what to expect. I felt like I had failed, yet I still had faith that God is good. We started to share first about small things and as we were sharing this girl in my group really opened up and started to cry and talk about her struggles and pains. In that moment I knew that this was part of God's plan. I didn't know what to do so I just prayed for that girl. It wasn't a deeply moving or spiritual prayer. It was a clumsy stuttery prayer. Through this girl I was shown how God loves everyone.......and how I have just been treating people as objects more than anything. I saw that every person is loved by someone and most importantly God.
Sometimes God doesn't work in ways you expect he humbles you but his work is still done.
I always knew that. I am still believing that God is in control.
I know that harder things are coming.
I just pray that I can overcome these obstacles

Faith

Who can have faith?
Really truly believe

What is faith?
"believing in that which we cannot see, certain of what we hope for"

Sometimes with faith alone amazing things can happen.
Faith has a power that surpasses all reason and logic

Some say faith is foolish why trust in something that you cannot see?
but I say why put your trust in something that will not last. That is uncertain?

because when you have faith you are 100% certain that it is true; that it will happen.
of course this raises the question of if what you put your faith in is real.

We all put our faith in something/someone.
Whether it be ourselves, others, money, power, pleasure, relationships, God, humanity, logic, knowledge

it is a fact of life

We believe that these things will bring us meaning, purpose, happiness, fulfillment
but as we grow older and learn, gradually we see that in somethings our faith was placed wrongly.
As we see the mistakes we have made we move on and find something else to put our faith in.
It repeats until we find THE TRUTH.

Soon faith becomes reality or illusion
and it is no longer faith but truth

of course there can only be one truth.
Still faith is needed because not all is revealed only some

Learning to Love

A lot of people look up to you they see you as role model to be followed.
In some respects they are right.

So full of energy you are able to make friends easily. You bring life and colour to an otherwise boring conversation. People see you as a confident, unselfish, caring person.

You are able to pull people in with your charisma, to make them feel special and loved. A gift many dream of having. Your peers respect you. They value your opinions and advice you have to offer.

They hear you speak of God of how amazing he is and they see the JOY that is seen in your life as you talk and socialize with them.........

Don't abuse your gifts.
"He who is given much, much will also be demanded"

But they don't see what I see.
Sometimes I see .....things that are not so good
Instead of a person full of confidence
I see a cunning actor wearing a caring mask
Instead of one full of insight i see
a spoiled kid to sheltered from the real world to be able to empathize with the lost
At times you can be very selfish
At times brutally ....cold hearted
At times very... immature
At times clueless on how to handle your relationships

but who I'm I to judge?
we all have our dark moments. our flaws...

Yet I am finding it hard to put up with you.
I sorta wanna just be angry because really you are not being fair
You are being very stupid....grow up.
Be real

Love is NOT an easy thing to do....
Many times we get distorted images of what love is.

Love is not a "feeling"
it doesn't just happen
it takes time to develop

Love is (or part of it is) caring for someone unconditionally.
not easy to do
Love is best portrayed in Christ
HE loved and he tells us tells ME to love
so I am learning to love
not only you
but everyone else in my life
big and small

Today I was reminded again how much love is needed in this world.
I was reminded that there are so many people out there who need love.
People who are hurting, in pain but hiding.
and I am reminded that God loves all of these people.

it blows me away.....

SO even though I feel like everything but showing love
I can love because God loves his love lover overflows into my life.
This is proof that God exists.

I am learning to love.......

1 Corinthians 13

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Pray

Pray when times are good, when times are bad
pray when you don't feel like praying
pray when you want to pray
pray continuously unceasingly
pray when things don't seem to be happening
pray when things are happening
Pray when God can be seen
Pray when he can't be seen
In all circumstances pray


Pray for those:
Who can't pray for themselves
for those who don't know how to pray
for those to weak to pray...
pray for those who are hurting
pray for those who are sad
pray for those who are rich
pray those who are poor
Pray for the happy
Pray for the broken

Pray for whats on your heart.
Pray for who's on your heart, your mind
you PRAISE, you cry out


Pray with faith
with expectation
with belief that God is GOOD that he is in control
pray with all your being
Pray with anger
Pray with sadness
Pray as you are....
come as you are

Only through prayer can lives be changed
Only through prayer can miracles happen
Only in God is the impossible possible.

Pray knowing that you are being heard that you are loved and forgiven
Pray with respect and reverence
Pray with thankfulness and awe
Pray knowing it is a privilege


When its hardest to pray; pray the hardest

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
16Be joyful always; 17pray continually; 18give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Nothing

humble me
I am easily filled with pride.
You have created us equal and yet sometimes I think I'm better than other people
I forget that it was only by grace that I was saved and only through you that I am what I am

The gifts you have given me are AMAZING
and I thank-you for them I would not want to be anything else than who I am.
somtimes i take too much credit for what you have blessed me with.

I can't stop judging every person I come in contact with
I seem to be able to make an endless list of flaws in each person
and also an endless list of good things

but sometimes its hard for me to look at them as just people that You Love.

"This person has this problem"
"This person need to ...."

let me see me as I am.....nothing
reveal to me once again my weaknesses
expose me for who I really am
so that I can be useful to you
so that I can love as you LOVE