what do you do?
pray.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
So It Begins
First day of afterschool program.
2 hours before it starts....2 of the girls in the program get arrested in front of the school.
I was told a lot of fights go on and not with the guys its the GIRLS. There are a lot of girls all of them loud and talk so much I can hardly keep up.
But I can tell that inside they really want to be loved
The guys are quieter trying to be "cool" I'm getting no respect haha.
Some of kids are so violent.... I'm scared to break up their fights
Overall the youth here are tough.
So much attitude. Its hard to believe most of them are only in grade 7.
At the end of the day three of girls were walking out the front door and we caught them trying to steal a cake from the church. They lied and told me that one of the leaders let them.... I believed them >.< Good thing my streetleader.. Prophet (you can guess why he's called that) knew there were full of it and took it away.
I'm too nice.
BUT, Despite the chaos of the 30 or so kids running around the small church
I felt calm and I couldn't help but see how awesome God made these kids.
I was able to connect and talk to one kid.
The culture here is unique I'm starting to like it, its still weird being the only asian! They wanted to call me ....chopsticks, but God already gave me my camp name:
"Vessel"
keep praying
___________________________________________________
On another note Urban Promise is having a Celebration Night to show what God has been doing in each of the four communities!
October 30 7:00 @ People's Church
Come out and see the awesome things God is doing in the city of Toronto!
There will be food, performances from different sections of Urban Promise and yeah just good times.
I might be in it =)
2 hours before it starts....2 of the girls in the program get arrested in front of the school.
I was told a lot of fights go on and not with the guys its the GIRLS. There are a lot of girls all of them loud and talk so much I can hardly keep up.
But I can tell that inside they really want to be loved
The guys are quieter trying to be "cool" I'm getting no respect haha.
Some of kids are so violent.... I'm scared to break up their fights
Overall the youth here are tough.
So much attitude. Its hard to believe most of them are only in grade 7.
At the end of the day three of girls were walking out the front door and we caught them trying to steal a cake from the church. They lied and told me that one of the leaders let them.... I believed them >.< Good thing my streetleader.. Prophet (you can guess why he's called that) knew there were full of it and took it away.
I'm too nice.
BUT, Despite the chaos of the 30 or so kids running around the small church
I felt calm and I couldn't help but see how awesome God made these kids.
I was able to connect and talk to one kid.
The culture here is unique I'm starting to like it, its still weird being the only asian! They wanted to call me ....chopsticks, but God already gave me my camp name:
"Vessel"
keep praying
___________________________________________________
On another note Urban Promise is having a Celebration Night to show what God has been doing in each of the four communities!
October 30 7:00 @ People's Church
Come out and see the awesome things God is doing in the city of Toronto!
There will be food, performances from different sections of Urban Promise and yeah just good times.
I might be in it =)
Monday, September 28, 2009
Its Not About You
I woke up today with plans in mind.
but they suddenly changed because I couldn't find my bus tokens.
It was a reminder that I shouldn't be to sure of anything or plan anything too far ahead. Nothing is for certain.
It hit me that I shouldn't expect to go to university
or return to MCBC
or be able to stay in touch with my friends, family
God can call me to be anywhere at anytime to do anything.
13Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."
James 4:13-15
It was a struggle to take this to heart.
The first thing that stuck out to me when I started to listen to a sermon on my ipod today:
"Its not about you."
We were called to love, to be humble.
This means that put others above yourself all the time no matter what.
When your suffering its easy to think about yourself to feel sorry for yourself, but thats being proud beleive it or not.
Even when your suffering you put the good of others ahead of that pain.
We are Christ followers.
Every action an thought of Christ was on others
When He was dying on the cross he didn't say things like "Im suffering, it hurts so much" or "See how much I go through for you?"
none of that.
He prayed for those who were torturing Him. He showed mercy to those on the cross with Him. He made sure that someone would be there to look after His mother.
He loved no matter what.
but they suddenly changed because I couldn't find my bus tokens.
It was a reminder that I shouldn't be to sure of anything or plan anything too far ahead. Nothing is for certain.
It hit me that I shouldn't expect to go to university
or return to MCBC
or be able to stay in touch with my friends, family
God can call me to be anywhere at anytime to do anything.
13Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."
James 4:13-15
It was a struggle to take this to heart.
The first thing that stuck out to me when I started to listen to a sermon on my ipod today:
"Its not about you."
We were called to love, to be humble.
This means that put others above yourself all the time no matter what.
When your suffering its easy to think about yourself to feel sorry for yourself, but thats being proud beleive it or not.
Even when your suffering you put the good of others ahead of that pain.
We are Christ followers.
Every action an thought of Christ was on others
When He was dying on the cross he didn't say things like "Im suffering, it hurts so much" or "See how much I go through for you?"
none of that.
He prayed for those who were torturing Him. He showed mercy to those on the cross with Him. He made sure that someone would be there to look after His mother.
He loved no matter what.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
True Love
As I was sitting on the bus this morning, I got the answer to the letter I was given.
It was to love in a supernatural way. To love like God loves.
It is hard because when you love you take the good with the bad.
all the imperfections
when the person doesn't love you
or care.
or even hates you.
You suffer when they suffer because you care about them SOO much that you would rather go through the hurt instead of them.
God has been speaking to me telling me to love in the worst circumstances to stretch myself, to be willing to suffer like he suffered for the sake of showing His love to everyone he has placed in my life.
Sometimes during the day I can feel His heart pumping through me it overflows so much that I feel like I have to love or I will explode.
God is a God who is so full of love that he created to express His love, to share in His joy. Through God we can truly love. He is the source of life; of love. Without Him there is nothing only fake impressions of love.
And in love we can conquer sin because "love covers a multitude of sins"
Today I went to visit a church where a lot of friends that I love to fellowship with attend.
Maybe it was coincidence but while I was there something happened that brought them to tears. I could immediately feel their hurt. I didn't know what to do. I wanted so much to able to make it better for them.
I think that's how God feels with us everytime we are hurting for whatever reason but on a way deeper level. Even when its part of His plan and he knows that its for the best. He still grieves with us in those moments. It is just how much He loves us.
It was to love in a supernatural way. To love like God loves.
It is hard because when you love you take the good with the bad.
all the imperfections
when the person doesn't love you
or care.
or even hates you.
You suffer when they suffer because you care about them SOO much that you would rather go through the hurt instead of them.
God has been speaking to me telling me to love in the worst circumstances to stretch myself, to be willing to suffer like he suffered for the sake of showing His love to everyone he has placed in my life.
Sometimes during the day I can feel His heart pumping through me it overflows so much that I feel like I have to love or I will explode.
God is a God who is so full of love that he created to express His love, to share in His joy. Through God we can truly love. He is the source of life; of love. Without Him there is nothing only fake impressions of love.
And in love we can conquer sin because "love covers a multitude of sins"
Today I went to visit a church where a lot of friends that I love to fellowship with attend.
Maybe it was coincidence but while I was there something happened that brought them to tears. I could immediately feel their hurt. I didn't know what to do. I wanted so much to able to make it better for them.
I think that's how God feels with us everytime we are hurting for whatever reason but on a way deeper level. Even when its part of His plan and he knows that its for the best. He still grieves with us in those moments. It is just how much He loves us.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Taking off the Training Wheels.
Did a lot of work today. Painted the office and sorted out random junk.
9 hours! it was tiring but it was GOOD!
I can feel God giving me strength to love and to work.
I think God has been slowing taking away things in my life that have been keeping me from relying on Him 100%
family
friends....
everything.
I realize that being able to grow up in an environment filled with so much love is a blessing.
Listening to a lot of sermons everyday. Nothing else to do. Don't wanna waste my time watching other things. Its good.
Starting after school program on Tuesday. Pray for that.
Definitely will need help disciplining these youth for Christ.
9 hours! it was tiring but it was GOOD!
I can feel God giving me strength to love and to work.
I think God has been slowing taking away things in my life that have been keeping me from relying on Him 100%
family
friends....
everything.
I realize that being able to grow up in an environment filled with so much love is a blessing.
Listening to a lot of sermons everyday. Nothing else to do. Don't wanna waste my time watching other things. Its good.
Starting after school program on Tuesday. Pray for that.
Definitely will need help disciplining these youth for Christ.
Friday, September 25, 2009
No Turning Back on Love
Staff retreat.
it was intense for me.
For everyone else it was a time to relax and spend time with God, but God had other plans for me.
where do I start?
On the way up I listened to a sermon on seeing God in the everyday common things.
Every little interaction, action, person everything in life.
As Christians, I think we have the wrong idea that God can only be experienced in supernatural ways.
God is in the common the everyday. As Christians we should be constantly "waking up" to His presence to what He has been doing without us even realizing it.
I prayed "help me to see You in everything"
The first message or rather sharing was about Peter his confidence, collapse and his cry.
Peter was so confident that he would be able to follow Christ to the end on his own strength, but he failed and in that time of brokenness he cried out to God.
I think that this was me. In my head I knew that I needed God but in my heart I didn't think I needed him. I thought "its only a year not THAT long"
That night I was just really uncomfortable.
The next day I listened to another sermon on "The Story" how God is the center of all things, the main character and that its not about us.
To take this message to heart is a hard thing. We always like to think of ourselves as the main character. We hope that things will work out for us in the end, when in reality we have no control. Maybe that's why we like to watch movies and dramas because we know that in the end it's going to be ok.
That night God did crazy things.
He orchestrated everything together to the smallest detail.
I don't think I can really explain everything in words.
We were getting to know each other asking questions to one person on a "hot seat"
A lot of of questions were asked funny, shallow, personal, deep. On one occasion a question was asked that brought to surface a struggle with a loss. The person was a second year intern; she started crying.
Its funny because the songs we sang for worship were song about being happy in painful times
"Blessed be Your Name"
"Trading my Sorrows"
As we continued to worship the Spirit manifested itself in the room and it was so strong in my heart that I started crying and couldn't stop.
The message: I love you for who you are and with all your sins. I love you even though right now your holding on to a lot of things and don't love me as much as you should.
I was humbled for many different reasons.
One was just for having God's presence so close to me
I was given a note from the intern who was crying. It was from God.
The first part of it went like this:
"To answer your question:
1. When God asks you to do something hard He will stick with you as you are doing it and as you deal with it afterwards"
and so began a long night of confusion, struggles, suffering. I didn't know what my "question" was
I was so scared because I didn't know what it was that God wanted me to do. I thought of so many different thing; crazy things.
Was it something I had already done? and God was going to be there for the "afterwards"
or was it something that I was going to have to do?
The one thought that screamed in my head:
"I want to go home, I want to go back to highschool, go back to my church"
It was then I realized that I couldn't do it I really couldn't. I wasn't the main character.
but I knew that I couldn't go back I had to keep going forward and that the only way to do that was to admit that I couldn't so that God could.
Christ in the Common.
Something else I realized:
God is in every good thing. In the common. Now that I'm gone I realize that in my family, in my church at TC the love there was a part of God's love manifested. It was so common that I didn't even notice it until It was gone.
but I also realized that God has given me another family to be a part of or not another family but another part of the family UP.
The rest of the note said:
" 2. God wants to teach you and show you amazing things if you'll only listen
3. God can do anything beyond what you can imagine"
I can't do it I can't let go but God still loves me and chose me.
it was intense for me.
For everyone else it was a time to relax and spend time with God, but God had other plans for me.
where do I start?
On the way up I listened to a sermon on seeing God in the everyday common things.
Every little interaction, action, person everything in life.
As Christians, I think we have the wrong idea that God can only be experienced in supernatural ways.
God is in the common the everyday. As Christians we should be constantly "waking up" to His presence to what He has been doing without us even realizing it.
I prayed "help me to see You in everything"
The first message or rather sharing was about Peter his confidence, collapse and his cry.
Peter was so confident that he would be able to follow Christ to the end on his own strength, but he failed and in that time of brokenness he cried out to God.
I think that this was me. In my head I knew that I needed God but in my heart I didn't think I needed him. I thought "its only a year not THAT long"
That night I was just really uncomfortable.
The next day I listened to another sermon on "The Story" how God is the center of all things, the main character and that its not about us.
To take this message to heart is a hard thing. We always like to think of ourselves as the main character. We hope that things will work out for us in the end, when in reality we have no control. Maybe that's why we like to watch movies and dramas because we know that in the end it's going to be ok.
That night God did crazy things.
He orchestrated everything together to the smallest detail.
I don't think I can really explain everything in words.
We were getting to know each other asking questions to one person on a "hot seat"
A lot of of questions were asked funny, shallow, personal, deep. On one occasion a question was asked that brought to surface a struggle with a loss. The person was a second year intern; she started crying.
Its funny because the songs we sang for worship were song about being happy in painful times
"Blessed be Your Name"
"Trading my Sorrows"
As we continued to worship the Spirit manifested itself in the room and it was so strong in my heart that I started crying and couldn't stop.
The message: I love you for who you are and with all your sins. I love you even though right now your holding on to a lot of things and don't love me as much as you should.
I was humbled for many different reasons.
One was just for having God's presence so close to me
I was given a note from the intern who was crying. It was from God.
The first part of it went like this:
"To answer your question:
1. When God asks you to do something hard He will stick with you as you are doing it and as you deal with it afterwards"
and so began a long night of confusion, struggles, suffering. I didn't know what my "question" was
I was so scared because I didn't know what it was that God wanted me to do. I thought of so many different thing; crazy things.
Was it something I had already done? and God was going to be there for the "afterwards"
or was it something that I was going to have to do?
The one thought that screamed in my head:
"I want to go home, I want to go back to highschool, go back to my church"
It was then I realized that I couldn't do it I really couldn't. I wasn't the main character.
but I knew that I couldn't go back I had to keep going forward and that the only way to do that was to admit that I couldn't so that God could.
Christ in the Common.
Something else I realized:
God is in every good thing. In the common. Now that I'm gone I realize that in my family, in my church at TC the love there was a part of God's love manifested. It was so common that I didn't even notice it until It was gone.
but I also realized that God has given me another family to be a part of or not another family but another part of the family UP.
The rest of the note said:
" 2. God wants to teach you and show you amazing things if you'll only listen
3. God can do anything beyond what you can imagine"
I can't do it I can't let go but God still loves me and chose me.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Work
Today we did a lot of work.
Sorted out the office and moved things out to start painting.
I really didn't want to because I didn't see the point; it looked fine to me.
I'm one of those people who can't just do things I need to know the end goal and if it doesn't sound like a good goal than its a waste of time.
On the other hand when the goal sounds like a good one I'll do it 110%.
I was tired. It felt like....school LOL. I had to push myself to work. I didn't voice out my complaints cuz you know I'm not supposed to but I was complaining in my heart which is just as bad. It was only at the end of the day when I was reminded that it wasn't for the office and how nice it looked. It was for God.
"For in him we live and move and have our being." Acts 17:28a
I need His strength everyday.
________________________________________________________________
On another note we get A LOT of random donations.
We got a like a donation of like 35835838 popsicles
AND A HUGE BOX OF WHOPPERS (chocolate balls, like maltesers)
Its HUGE there's at least 1000. I think more.
There's also other stuff.
People just give whatever but really, I think the kids would die of diabetes if we gave them all that junk >.<
Going to Muskoka for staff retreat tomorrow.
Sorted out the office and moved things out to start painting.
I really didn't want to because I didn't see the point; it looked fine to me.
I'm one of those people who can't just do things I need to know the end goal and if it doesn't sound like a good goal than its a waste of time.
On the other hand when the goal sounds like a good one I'll do it 110%.
I was tired. It felt like....school LOL. I had to push myself to work. I didn't voice out my complaints cuz you know I'm not supposed to but I was complaining in my heart which is just as bad. It was only at the end of the day when I was reminded that it wasn't for the office and how nice it looked. It was for God.
"For in him we live and move and have our being." Acts 17:28a
I need His strength everyday.
________________________________________________________________
On another note we get A LOT of random donations.
We got a like a donation of like 35835838 popsicles
AND A HUGE BOX OF WHOPPERS (chocolate balls, like maltesers)
Its HUGE there's at least 1000. I think more.
There's also other stuff.
People just give whatever but really, I think the kids would die of diabetes if we gave them all that junk >.<
Going to Muskoka for staff retreat tomorrow.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Closer
Today was a blessed day.
I could feel God close to me walking with me.
Got lots of good planning done, everything fell in place perfectly.
Although it was slow and there was not much work, it was good.
Met a few of the kids that I will be working with and went to the high school to see if I can volunteer there. The people and culture; Its so different but I feel the love of God pumping through me.
I might not end up getting placed in the high school but its ok its up to God.
I prayed yesterday for God to inspire me to be able to use my musical gifts to glorify His name. I wanted to be able to write songs that would be able to encourage fellow believers with their walk with God.
So today I was taking a break playing around on the piano. God's presence filled me and I started playing and singing. This awesome song flowed through me.
It came easily, not like other times when I had to work hard and struggle with my music. I got home and started to clean it up, it felt so natural took me less than 10 minutes.
I'm almost done so excited.
God answered my prayer.
I also asked for an electric classical guitar, still haven't gotten that yet :P HAHA
but it that's also up to God too.
Keep praying the hard times are just around the corner.
I want to grow more, to love more and to have wisdom when interacting with the youth.
Thanks.
I could feel God close to me walking with me.
Got lots of good planning done, everything fell in place perfectly.
Although it was slow and there was not much work, it was good.
Met a few of the kids that I will be working with and went to the high school to see if I can volunteer there. The people and culture; Its so different but I feel the love of God pumping through me.
I might not end up getting placed in the high school but its ok its up to God.
I prayed yesterday for God to inspire me to be able to use my musical gifts to glorify His name. I wanted to be able to write songs that would be able to encourage fellow believers with their walk with God.
So today I was taking a break playing around on the piano. God's presence filled me and I started playing and singing. This awesome song flowed through me.
It came easily, not like other times when I had to work hard and struggle with my music. I got home and started to clean it up, it felt so natural took me less than 10 minutes.
I'm almost done so excited.
God answered my prayer.
I also asked for an electric classical guitar, still haven't gotten that yet :P HAHA
but it that's also up to God too.
Keep praying the hard times are just around the corner.
I want to grow more, to love more and to have wisdom when interacting with the youth.
Thanks.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Stillness in Noise
The best part of my day is when I take time to be still before God.
I love it. I learn so much and I feel energized just being able to be in His presence.
Today I was getting really worried about the bible studies I had to prepare: I didn't feel like they were that good, that they were too complicated, the youth wouldn't get it, it wasn't based on the bible enough. So I decided to pray and go for a walk.
The thing is I couldn't hear God. I knew I had to be silent but the thoughts kept coming and coming. It took me a long time to able to hear His voice. Finally I was able to calm down and sit and enjoy God.
It was then I realized a few things.
1. I was so focused on performance that the youth would GET IT and hear God speak that I forgot that it wasn't up too me how things turned out. It was up to God. My job was just to do it to the best of my ability.
2. Why do I have to wait for devo time to connect with God? Shouldn't I be constantly connected and talking to Him throughout the day? It's easy to be still when your intentional, but so much harder to be still when your doing your day to day activities.
I finished reading "The Beautiful Disappointment"
The last chapters talked about "the idol of busyness"
How our society is addicted to it. We are important when we have a full schedule and have things to DO. We're always texting or checking emails on our PDA's, listening to our ipod's, on the computer etc. We're doing a lot of ....nothing. We need to chill.
I want to be able to find God amidst the noise of life. Cuz when I'm not life isn't as awesome.
I love it. I learn so much and I feel energized just being able to be in His presence.
Today I was getting really worried about the bible studies I had to prepare: I didn't feel like they were that good, that they were too complicated, the youth wouldn't get it, it wasn't based on the bible enough. So I decided to pray and go for a walk.
The thing is I couldn't hear God. I knew I had to be silent but the thoughts kept coming and coming. It took me a long time to able to hear His voice. Finally I was able to calm down and sit and enjoy God.
It was then I realized a few things.
1. I was so focused on performance that the youth would GET IT and hear God speak that I forgot that it wasn't up too me how things turned out. It was up to God. My job was just to do it to the best of my ability.
2. Why do I have to wait for devo time to connect with God? Shouldn't I be constantly connected and talking to Him throughout the day? It's easy to be still when your intentional, but so much harder to be still when your doing your day to day activities.
I finished reading "The Beautiful Disappointment"
The last chapters talked about "the idol of busyness"
How our society is addicted to it. We are important when we have a full schedule and have things to DO. We're always texting or checking emails on our PDA's, listening to our ipod's, on the computer etc. We're doing a lot of ....nothing. We need to chill.
I want to be able to find God amidst the noise of life. Cuz when I'm not life isn't as awesome.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Love Story
What's your love story?
The story involving God and yourself.
Each story is unique and beautiful.
In the times of brokenness
when we are suffering the most
The Great Lover reveals Himself to us.
It is in our brokenness when we can see the most clearly;
When the truth of what we built our fragile lives on is finally put to light.
The book of Jeremiah tells of a tragic love story between God and the Israelites.
Israel has cheated on God and He calls out to them:
'I remember the devotion of your youth,
how as a bride you loved me
and followed me through the desert,
through a land not sown.
3 Israel was holy to the LORD,
the firstfruits of his harvest;
all who devoured her were held guilty,
and disaster overtook them,' "
declares the LORD.
Jeremiah 2:2-3
"If a man divorces his wife
and she leaves him and marries another man,
should he return to her again?
Would not the land be completely defiled?
But you have lived as a prostitute with many lovers—
would you now return to me?"
declares the LORD.
2 "Look up to the barren heights and see.
Is there any place where you have not been ravished?
By the roadside you sat waiting for lovers,
sat like a nomad [a] in the desert.
You have defiled the land
with your prostitution and wickedness.
3 Therefore the showers have been withheld,
and no spring rains have fallen.
Yet you have the brazen look of a prostitute;
you refuse to blush with shame.
4 Have you not just called to me:
'My Father, my friend from my youth,
5 will you always be angry?
Will your wrath continue forever?'
This is how you talk,
but you do all the evil you can."
Jeremiah 3:1-5
God doesn't get angry but instead pleads with Israel patiently and lovingly to repent. He promises to forgive them and bless them again. He warns them of what will happen if they don't come back. He doesn't want them to have to face the consequences and suffer.
This happens for the entire book of Jeremiah but....... Israel never repents.
How many times do we cause grief to Him? Yet He's always there waiting....for us.
This is our God praise His name.
but the story doesn't end there:
Israel is taken captive and suffers greatly, and in the time of brokenness She cries out:
1 How deserted lies the city,
once so full of people!
How like a widow is she,
who once was great among the nations!
She who was queen among the provinces
has now become a slave.
2 Bitterly she weeps at night,
tears are upon her cheeks.
Among all her lovers
there is none to comfort her.
All her friends have betrayed her;
they have become her enemies.
3 After affliction and harsh labor,
Judah has gone into exile.
She dwells among the nations;
she finds no resting place.
All who pursue her have overtaken her
in the midst of her distress.
4 The roads to Zion mourn,
for no one comes to her appointed feasts.
All her gateways are desolate,
her priests groan,
her maidens grieve,
and she is in bitter anguish.
Lamentations 1:1-4
The entire book of Lamentations is a cry to God. A time when Israel is in complete brokenness, desperation and hopelessness.
but it is in that time when the hearts of the people are set straight again......
and out of that comes a new hope amidst the suffering
18 So I say, "My splendor is gone
and all that I had hoped from the LORD."
19 I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
20 I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.
21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."
25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
Lamentations 3:18-26
God uses (but doesn't cause) suffering and trials to set our hearts back on the right place so that He can continue His work in us. (James 1:2-4)
Before something can be made new and beautiful you have to destroy the old and ugly.
It is also during those times of pain where we grow the most and walk the closest with God..
Trust, know that he is good, have faith that He knows whats best and learn more about the Great Lover of your soul.
The story involving God and yourself.
Each story is unique and beautiful.
In the times of brokenness
when we are suffering the most
The Great Lover reveals Himself to us.
It is in our brokenness when we can see the most clearly;
When the truth of what we built our fragile lives on is finally put to light.
The book of Jeremiah tells of a tragic love story between God and the Israelites.
Israel has cheated on God and He calls out to them:
'I remember the devotion of your youth,
how as a bride you loved me
and followed me through the desert,
through a land not sown.
3 Israel was holy to the LORD,
the firstfruits of his harvest;
all who devoured her were held guilty,
and disaster overtook them,' "
declares the LORD.
Jeremiah 2:2-3
"If a man divorces his wife
and she leaves him and marries another man,
should he return to her again?
Would not the land be completely defiled?
But you have lived as a prostitute with many lovers—
would you now return to me?"
declares the LORD.
2 "Look up to the barren heights and see.
Is there any place where you have not been ravished?
By the roadside you sat waiting for lovers,
sat like a nomad [a] in the desert.
You have defiled the land
with your prostitution and wickedness.
3 Therefore the showers have been withheld,
and no spring rains have fallen.
Yet you have the brazen look of a prostitute;
you refuse to blush with shame.
4 Have you not just called to me:
'My Father, my friend from my youth,
5 will you always be angry?
Will your wrath continue forever?'
This is how you talk,
but you do all the evil you can."
Jeremiah 3:1-5
God doesn't get angry but instead pleads with Israel patiently and lovingly to repent. He promises to forgive them and bless them again. He warns them of what will happen if they don't come back. He doesn't want them to have to face the consequences and suffer.
This happens for the entire book of Jeremiah but....... Israel never repents.
How many times do we cause grief to Him? Yet He's always there waiting....for us.
This is our God praise His name.
but the story doesn't end there:
Israel is taken captive and suffers greatly, and in the time of brokenness She cries out:
1 How deserted lies the city,
once so full of people!
How like a widow is she,
who once was great among the nations!
She who was queen among the provinces
has now become a slave.
2 Bitterly she weeps at night,
tears are upon her cheeks.
Among all her lovers
there is none to comfort her.
All her friends have betrayed her;
they have become her enemies.
3 After affliction and harsh labor,
Judah has gone into exile.
She dwells among the nations;
she finds no resting place.
All who pursue her have overtaken her
in the midst of her distress.
4 The roads to Zion mourn,
for no one comes to her appointed feasts.
All her gateways are desolate,
her priests groan,
her maidens grieve,
and she is in bitter anguish.
Lamentations 1:1-4
The entire book of Lamentations is a cry to God. A time when Israel is in complete brokenness, desperation and hopelessness.
but it is in that time when the hearts of the people are set straight again......
and out of that comes a new hope amidst the suffering
18 So I say, "My splendor is gone
and all that I had hoped from the LORD."
19 I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
20 I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.
21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."
25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
Lamentations 3:18-26
God uses (but doesn't cause) suffering and trials to set our hearts back on the right place so that He can continue His work in us. (James 1:2-4)
Before something can be made new and beautiful you have to destroy the old and ugly.
It is also during those times of pain where we grow the most and walk the closest with God..
Trust, know that he is good, have faith that He knows whats best and learn more about the Great Lover of your soul.
Friday, September 18, 2009
One With Purpose
Yesterday night I felt God telling me I should go to this event. I asked a few people to come with me but it was too last minute for them.
Today I was a little unsure. I didn't get off work till 5 and it started @ 7.
I had to go home to eat and I was really tired.
I ended up going. God provided a way and all the little things worked out for me
On the way home from work, the bus got there right as I left.
When I got home my roommate had made food for me already.
On the way there I fell asleep and woke up rested and energized.
I thought I was going to be as least a half hour late since I didn't get home till 5:35 and had to go all the way downtown but somehow I walked into the church right @ 7. The same time a friend of mine happened to show up.
Its weird while on the subway I prayed "God reveal to me a little more of your plan for me this year" I don't even know where it came from but I was soon to find out.
St Paul's Anglican was a super nice church. It was an old church that was modernized but still kept some of the old architecture.
The purpose of the night was to unite churches across the GTA to be one body of Christ
There were 11 different churches gathering to worship.
Each contributed in a different way. It made me happy to see each unique gift that the different churches had to offer.
The message:
There are 41 000 different denominations in the world.
They have split for many different reason two of them being: coulor of carpet and height of pulpit in the church. Isn't that whack?
Why do we split?
Aren't be supposed to Love as Christ loves us?
Then why do we let our differences split us apart?
Isn't love supposed to accept people as they are?
I think that part of what God wants me to do this year is to help bridge the gaps.
To get my culture to understand other cultures and in this way be that much closer to being united as Christ's body.
Its easy to love when you share the same culture and ideals. Maybe thats why there are so many racial churches. Chinese. Korean. Philipine. Irish. Greek. etc.
"but we are only called to reach out to our own people"
I hear that sometimes from the older people, but is that really biblical?
"Love your neighbour as yourself" Well when I look around my neighbours aren't only chinese!
IMAGINE how big of an impact we would have as GOD'S CHILDREN if we learned to accept, love and to come together.
If the world was able to see God's love in this way maybe they would stop calling us hypocrties who preach love but then fight amongst ourselves.
We need each other.
Divide and conquer is the scheme that satan uses.
How do you make a Christian fall? Take him away from the church
How do you make a church fall? You causes fights.
(I've seen this happen, its painful, its sad)
Why do pastors fall to sin?
Being in leadership sometimes they isolate themselves thinking they are "better" or others think that they are the pastors so they don't need anyone to support them.
Think:
God created us with unique gifts
We also have different weaknesses
When we unite we form the church.
The church consists of different fellowships and congregations.
Each of these has a different part to play in the overall working of the church
Each church as a whole also has a different dynamic, strenghts and weaknesses (you can read about this in Revelation with the letters to the different churches)
What if churches came together to look out for each other? To partner and bring out each of their strenghts and support their weaknesses. So that splitting doesn't happen out of fights but rather because of a need to spread MORE LOVE.
For example:
MCBC is a church with a youth fellowship that is growing exponentially but they lack leaders and counselors
ETCBC on the other hand has a small youth group but MANY loving mentors who help their youth to grow on a one to one basis.
The bible speaks of unity more than of Heaven and Hell
I guess it was pretty important!
Today I was a little unsure. I didn't get off work till 5 and it started @ 7.
I had to go home to eat and I was really tired.
I ended up going. God provided a way and all the little things worked out for me
On the way home from work, the bus got there right as I left.
When I got home my roommate had made food for me already.
On the way there I fell asleep and woke up rested and energized.
I thought I was going to be as least a half hour late since I didn't get home till 5:35 and had to go all the way downtown but somehow I walked into the church right @ 7. The same time a friend of mine happened to show up.
Its weird while on the subway I prayed "God reveal to me a little more of your plan for me this year" I don't even know where it came from but I was soon to find out.
St Paul's Anglican was a super nice church. It was an old church that was modernized but still kept some of the old architecture.
The purpose of the night was to unite churches across the GTA to be one body of Christ
There were 11 different churches gathering to worship.
Each contributed in a different way. It made me happy to see each unique gift that the different churches had to offer.
The message:
There are 41 000 different denominations in the world.
They have split for many different reason two of them being: coulor of carpet and height of pulpit in the church. Isn't that whack?
Why do we split?
Aren't be supposed to Love as Christ loves us?
Then why do we let our differences split us apart?
Isn't love supposed to accept people as they are?
I think that part of what God wants me to do this year is to help bridge the gaps.
To get my culture to understand other cultures and in this way be that much closer to being united as Christ's body.
Its easy to love when you share the same culture and ideals. Maybe thats why there are so many racial churches. Chinese. Korean. Philipine. Irish. Greek. etc.
"but we are only called to reach out to our own people"
I hear that sometimes from the older people, but is that really biblical?
"Love your neighbour as yourself" Well when I look around my neighbours aren't only chinese!
IMAGINE how big of an impact we would have as GOD'S CHILDREN if we learned to accept, love and to come together.
If the world was able to see God's love in this way maybe they would stop calling us hypocrties who preach love but then fight amongst ourselves.
We need each other.
Divide and conquer is the scheme that satan uses.
How do you make a Christian fall? Take him away from the church
How do you make a church fall? You causes fights.
(I've seen this happen, its painful, its sad)
Why do pastors fall to sin?
Being in leadership sometimes they isolate themselves thinking they are "better" or others think that they are the pastors so they don't need anyone to support them.
Think:
God created us with unique gifts
We also have different weaknesses
When we unite we form the church.
The church consists of different fellowships and congregations.
Each of these has a different part to play in the overall working of the church
Each church as a whole also has a different dynamic, strenghts and weaknesses (you can read about this in Revelation with the letters to the different churches)
What if churches came together to look out for each other? To partner and bring out each of their strenghts and support their weaknesses. So that splitting doesn't happen out of fights but rather because of a need to spread MORE LOVE.
For example:
MCBC is a church with a youth fellowship that is growing exponentially but they lack leaders and counselors
ETCBC on the other hand has a small youth group but MANY loving mentors who help their youth to grow on a one to one basis.
The bible speaks of unity more than of Heaven and Hell
I guess it was pretty important!
A Night in the City
Tonight I was taken through the streets of inner Toronto and taught about streetlife. We were lead by an expert in the ministry; Pastor Joe. He has been working in city missions for 25 years.
I saw many things, heard many things and felt many things.
We set out at 7 around Regent park. It was a nice warm evening.
Regent Park consists mostly of Muslims. Along the streets I could see rows of Taxi's lined up; not for customers but because we were close to a mosque. It was prayer time. There are 4 elementary schools in the area but no highschool.
Why? Prejudices.
It was believed that the immigrants weren't that smart and would not make it that far at the time the community was built. You must be senstive to culture and religion when caring for these people.
We prayed
Passed through alleyways down dark streets and old abandoned houses.
We arrived on George street near the Seaton house. The Seaton house is the last resort for men on the steets. They come when they have been kicked out of everyother hostel and shelter in the city. The Seaton house has the most intensive programs. Filled with alchoholics, people just out from prison........you name it.
I've been here before, during the day but at night it was totally different. As we started walking, everyone moved to the opposite of the street away from the Seaton house. However, my curiousity got the best of me so I decided to walk right in front of the hostel. Passed by many crack addicts twitching from withdrawl, mentally unstable people talking and yelling random things and others just smoking pot and cigarettes outside. I was scared, there were a lot of people.
A little big past the hostel were groups of gangs hanging out in old houses.
"Whats up Chink?" yelled out one of them.
The air was heavy. This was one of the places where I could feel the brokenness and spiritual darkness physically and emotionally.
At the other end of George was a Strip joint. Outside I saw a few prostitutes smoking
Joe told us that when they were jonesing many of them were willing to do things for just a cigarette.
He asked "Whats your breaking point?"
Its easy to judge and we say we would never do stuff like that, but really if your desperate and theres no other way.............
If your parents abused you at home before you were on the streets........
Maybe you would think its ok.
We prayed
We walked for half a kilometer. It surprised me how everything changed so fast. Suddenly we were out of the slums and next to new condos selling for $600 000. The Hilton was right around the next block. People were dressed nicer and eating in high class restuarants.
I heard someone say later on: "Even though theres a huge difference in wealth, spiritually speaking they're on the same level"
Its so true both these classes of people needed to know God. They were trapped but by different things.
As we continued walking down the street, I noticed something different. Most of the population was dominantly men. Men dressed in flashy clothing. All the restaurants we passed were filled with men eating dinner in pairs, holding hands etc.
I felt a strong longing for love with a lack of it in the air.
Around the corner was Aid's Memorial Park. There was a semi-circle of plaques engraved with names of homosexuals who had lost their life to AIDS.
As we looked through the long list of names I almost tripped over a mattress laying in between two of the plaques. I hear a moan from a woman underneath a man and turn away quickly.
I walk to the other side andcontinue to look at the endless list of names...
2009
"J. Jarvis aka Mr.Slut2u"
Suddenly I understood: The names of the people on the plaque's were not the only victims, they all were.
Victims longing for love. Victim's trapped in a lie.
We Prayed
On the way back we saw a group of apartments near Jamestown. Were told 2 or 3 familes would share the same room.
How do we love?
I was told and learned a lot more but I guess somethings are hard to explain unless you see and experience it for yourself.
If anything the one thought that kept going on through my head was:
"I really don't know that much"
Maybe thats the attitude we should have in everything we do.
I saw many things, heard many things and felt many things.
We set out at 7 around Regent park. It was a nice warm evening.
Regent Park consists mostly of Muslims. Along the streets I could see rows of Taxi's lined up; not for customers but because we were close to a mosque. It was prayer time. There are 4 elementary schools in the area but no highschool.
Why? Prejudices.
It was believed that the immigrants weren't that smart and would not make it that far at the time the community was built. You must be senstive to culture and religion when caring for these people.
We prayed
Passed through alleyways down dark streets and old abandoned houses.
We arrived on George street near the Seaton house. The Seaton house is the last resort for men on the steets. They come when they have been kicked out of everyother hostel and shelter in the city. The Seaton house has the most intensive programs. Filled with alchoholics, people just out from prison........you name it.
I've been here before, during the day but at night it was totally different. As we started walking, everyone moved to the opposite of the street away from the Seaton house. However, my curiousity got the best of me so I decided to walk right in front of the hostel. Passed by many crack addicts twitching from withdrawl, mentally unstable people talking and yelling random things and others just smoking pot and cigarettes outside. I was scared, there were a lot of people.
A little big past the hostel were groups of gangs hanging out in old houses.
"Whats up Chink?" yelled out one of them.
The air was heavy. This was one of the places where I could feel the brokenness and spiritual darkness physically and emotionally.
At the other end of George was a Strip joint. Outside I saw a few prostitutes smoking
Joe told us that when they were jonesing many of them were willing to do things for just a cigarette.
He asked "Whats your breaking point?"
Its easy to judge and we say we would never do stuff like that, but really if your desperate and theres no other way.............
If your parents abused you at home before you were on the streets........
Maybe you would think its ok.
We prayed
We walked for half a kilometer. It surprised me how everything changed so fast. Suddenly we were out of the slums and next to new condos selling for $600 000. The Hilton was right around the next block. People were dressed nicer and eating in high class restuarants.
I heard someone say later on: "Even though theres a huge difference in wealth, spiritually speaking they're on the same level"
Its so true both these classes of people needed to know God. They were trapped but by different things.
As we continued walking down the street, I noticed something different. Most of the population was dominantly men. Men dressed in flashy clothing. All the restaurants we passed were filled with men eating dinner in pairs, holding hands etc.
I felt a strong longing for love with a lack of it in the air.
Around the corner was Aid's Memorial Park. There was a semi-circle of plaques engraved with names of homosexuals who had lost their life to AIDS.
As we looked through the long list of names I almost tripped over a mattress laying in between two of the plaques. I hear a moan from a woman underneath a man and turn away quickly.
I walk to the other side andcontinue to look at the endless list of names...
2009
"J. Jarvis aka Mr.Slut2u"
Suddenly I understood: The names of the people on the plaque's were not the only victims, they all were.
Victims longing for love. Victim's trapped in a lie.
We Prayed
On the way back we saw a group of apartments near Jamestown. Were told 2 or 3 familes would share the same room.
How do we love?
I was told and learned a lot more but I guess somethings are hard to explain unless you see and experience it for yourself.
If anything the one thought that kept going on through my head was:
"I really don't know that much"
Maybe thats the attitude we should have in everything we do.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Disciple
How far does your faith take you?
"Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd."
The disciples had the faith to go out to sea trusting that Jesus would follow
They saw Jesus in the distance walking on water and were afraid, but Peter called out to Jesus "Lord, if it's you,tell me to come to you on the water"
With great faith he stepped out on the water and His faith took him far.
As he kept walking He started doubting himself, lost focus and started to fall.
But Jesus was right where he was falling in arms reach to pull him up.
"Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "
Aren't we all like that? When we have faith God starts to use us in unbelievable ways but then we start to doubt ourselves, think to much and eventually....fall. The awesome thing is: God knows how much faith we have and is there to pick up us right when we fall.
the disciples faith allowed them to go out to the sea
Peter's faith allowed Him to walk on water
Where does your faith take you?
Today we learned about discipleship
The way God created this to work: blows my mind.
How do I explain this?
We played a game to illustrate:
There are two rooms separated by a curtain so that you can not see into the next room from inside the room you are in. On the floor of one room is a grid. The goal is to get to the other side of the grid by finding the correct path. Only two people are allowed in at a time. The others must wait on the other side of the curtain in the next room. One person watches while the other tries to find out the correct path by making a guess. He progresses one square at a time if He makes a wrong move he is notified by someone else standing on the other side and must leave the room. The person that was watching before gets a chance and another person is sent in to watch the one trying to find the correct path (there is only one).
The whole team must make it across to the other side of the grid to win.
When one person makes it across they are allowed to help people trying to cross the grid if they ASK.
Sometimes the person trying to find the path forgets what happened before and the process starts over again.
Sometimes you mishear what someone said to you and go the wrong way
Sometimes you think you can do it on you own and don't trust in what others say
Sometimes you trust the wrong people or people who haven't really done it they just heard about it but doesn't really know the right direction
but you always get another chance.
Think about it. Disciplining?
We're all in this together to support each other and help each other.
Its easy to see someone who isn't as far as you and look down on them, instead of helping them.
God works in His own timing differently in each of our lives........
Some may be young but far ahead some may be old but just starting.
Thank God for where you are and always want to move farther to know Him more.
Look ahead to the people who have passed on ahead of you for wisdom and look behind to those behind you for support.
________________________________________________________
My other roommate plays the trumpet. We jammed it sounds SOO SICK.
Living on the streets tomorrow
"Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd."
The disciples had the faith to go out to sea trusting that Jesus would follow
They saw Jesus in the distance walking on water and were afraid, but Peter called out to Jesus "Lord, if it's you,tell me to come to you on the water"
With great faith he stepped out on the water and His faith took him far.
As he kept walking He started doubting himself, lost focus and started to fall.
But Jesus was right where he was falling in arms reach to pull him up.
"Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "
Aren't we all like that? When we have faith God starts to use us in unbelievable ways but then we start to doubt ourselves, think to much and eventually....fall. The awesome thing is: God knows how much faith we have and is there to pick up us right when we fall.
the disciples faith allowed them to go out to the sea
Peter's faith allowed Him to walk on water
Where does your faith take you?
Today we learned about discipleship
The way God created this to work: blows my mind.
How do I explain this?
We played a game to illustrate:
There are two rooms separated by a curtain so that you can not see into the next room from inside the room you are in. On the floor of one room is a grid. The goal is to get to the other side of the grid by finding the correct path. Only two people are allowed in at a time. The others must wait on the other side of the curtain in the next room. One person watches while the other tries to find out the correct path by making a guess. He progresses one square at a time if He makes a wrong move he is notified by someone else standing on the other side and must leave the room. The person that was watching before gets a chance and another person is sent in to watch the one trying to find the correct path (there is only one).
The whole team must make it across to the other side of the grid to win.
When one person makes it across they are allowed to help people trying to cross the grid if they ASK.
Sometimes the person trying to find the path forgets what happened before and the process starts over again.
Sometimes you mishear what someone said to you and go the wrong way
Sometimes you think you can do it on you own and don't trust in what others say
Sometimes you trust the wrong people or people who haven't really done it they just heard about it but doesn't really know the right direction
but you always get another chance.
Think about it. Disciplining?
We're all in this together to support each other and help each other.
Its easy to see someone who isn't as far as you and look down on them, instead of helping them.
God works in His own timing differently in each of our lives........
Some may be young but far ahead some may be old but just starting.
Thank God for where you are and always want to move farther to know Him more.
Look ahead to the people who have passed on ahead of you for wisdom and look behind to those behind you for support.
________________________________________________________
My other roommate plays the trumpet. We jammed it sounds SOO SICK.
Living on the streets tomorrow
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Listen
Went to staff worship again today.
The message: To be there, to mourn and to listen
A lot of times when we go on missions trips or ministry we think that we are the "saviours" going in to heal the broken people. We go in with arrogance and sometimes do more damage than good. In order to help hurting people we need to understand them to listen to them and to be able to have compassion towards them. Compassion can only be gained when we realize our own brokenness. In the end we don't do the saving we just point to the One who can save.
After service we had a prayer time. I didn't pray I just prayed with the people in my group.
One of the supervisors brought a friend that was visiting from Edmonton, Candy.(they haven't seen each other in 6 years)
Short hair with streaks of blue pieced nose and under lip stud. SOO COOL!
Candy was leaving today, so Duane being the unique guy he is wanted to know a little about her before she left. He started asking random questions and we started talking.
We found out that she was 23 years old, divorced 3 years ago and was a security guard.
Shes a good fighter (something she picked up while being married to her ex-husband)
Her family is Jehovah's Witness and She was kicked out of her house at 17 after leaving the faith. Her dad will not speak to her but her mother still does.
She wants to learn guitar(she has three but doesn't play) and work on a cruise ship.
She loves it in Toronto and is moving down in January.
She told us that seeing Urban Promise opened her eyes to a world of "religion" she never knew about. Growing up in as a Jehovah's Witness she was skeptical because of the hypocrisy she saw. I could tell that seeing the love of God in UP really touched her. It was awesome seeing the seeds that God is sowing in her life.
Did some planning with my supervisor. I feel like planning for KNA all over again. Except with younger kids. We got a good foundation going.
Starting by focusing on "Relationships."
Shawn decided to let me prepare the first bible study. He usually does it for a month before turning it to the intern but he thought that I could handle it and He asked soo....I guess I'm doing this.
"Relationship with God"
YO that's a big topic pray for this.
Cuz I mean I don't even get it :S How am I going to teach on what having a relationship with God when I'm still figuring out what that means? (aren't we all?)
Another question:
Who am I?
I'm still reading "The Beautiful Disappointment"
One of the points: How much of you is shaped by the world? Shaped by the "idols" in your life? Pride, self ambition, need for acceptance?
and How much by God?
I want to be the person that God made me
but that can only happen with suffering, trials, pain
To get rid of the things that keep me from knowing God more and what He has to say to me.
____________________________________________________________________________
After one long week of isolation I finally felt it was ok to go visit a friend.
Especially since it was on my way home and my meeting ended early.
Right when I walked in she happened to have left class and had nothing to do.
I feel like that was God saying "OK you deserve a break"
Each friend I have is a blessing
I want to see people the way God does
To see each Christians as my brothers and sisters in Christ first; ABOVE all else.
and to see the people who don't know God as lost brothers and sisters who need to know Him.
"OOO We need need each other"
- Sanctus Real
We were created for relationships
God created the world in 6 days and after each day it was GOOD
but after God created man He said "it is not good for man to be alone"
(another point in the message today)
Pray that I can keep Christ as the centre of my life.
Sometimes you THINK He is but really He's not its soo easy to lose focus.
The message: To be there, to mourn and to listen
A lot of times when we go on missions trips or ministry we think that we are the "saviours" going in to heal the broken people. We go in with arrogance and sometimes do more damage than good. In order to help hurting people we need to understand them to listen to them and to be able to have compassion towards them. Compassion can only be gained when we realize our own brokenness. In the end we don't do the saving we just point to the One who can save.
After service we had a prayer time. I didn't pray I just prayed with the people in my group.
One of the supervisors brought a friend that was visiting from Edmonton, Candy.(they haven't seen each other in 6 years)
Short hair with streaks of blue pieced nose and under lip stud. SOO COOL!
Candy was leaving today, so Duane being the unique guy he is wanted to know a little about her before she left. He started asking random questions and we started talking.
We found out that she was 23 years old, divorced 3 years ago and was a security guard.
Shes a good fighter (something she picked up while being married to her ex-husband)
Her family is Jehovah's Witness and She was kicked out of her house at 17 after leaving the faith. Her dad will not speak to her but her mother still does.
She wants to learn guitar(she has three but doesn't play) and work on a cruise ship.
She loves it in Toronto and is moving down in January.
She told us that seeing Urban Promise opened her eyes to a world of "religion" she never knew about. Growing up in as a Jehovah's Witness she was skeptical because of the hypocrisy she saw. I could tell that seeing the love of God in UP really touched her. It was awesome seeing the seeds that God is sowing in her life.
Did some planning with my supervisor. I feel like planning for KNA all over again. Except with younger kids. We got a good foundation going.
Starting by focusing on "Relationships."
Shawn decided to let me prepare the first bible study. He usually does it for a month before turning it to the intern but he thought that I could handle it and He asked soo....I guess I'm doing this.
"Relationship with God"
YO that's a big topic pray for this.
Cuz I mean I don't even get it :S How am I going to teach on what having a relationship with God when I'm still figuring out what that means? (aren't we all?)
Another question:
Who am I?
I'm still reading "The Beautiful Disappointment"
One of the points: How much of you is shaped by the world? Shaped by the "idols" in your life? Pride, self ambition, need for acceptance?
and How much by God?
I want to be the person that God made me
but that can only happen with suffering, trials, pain
To get rid of the things that keep me from knowing God more and what He has to say to me.
____________________________________________________________________________
After one long week of isolation I finally felt it was ok to go visit a friend.
Especially since it was on my way home and my meeting ended early.
Right when I walked in she happened to have left class and had nothing to do.
I feel like that was God saying "OK you deserve a break"
Each friend I have is a blessing
I want to see people the way God does
To see each Christians as my brothers and sisters in Christ first; ABOVE all else.
and to see the people who don't know God as lost brothers and sisters who need to know Him.
"OOO We need need each other"
- Sanctus Real
We were created for relationships
God created the world in 6 days and after each day it was GOOD
but after God created man He said "it is not good for man to be alone"
(another point in the message today)
Pray that I can keep Christ as the centre of my life.
Sometimes you THINK He is but really He's not its soo easy to lose focus.
Monday, September 14, 2009
The Great Purge
Went to the ROM today
I liked it... EXCEPT THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS EXHIBIT WAS CLOSED JUST FOR TODAY
Its was fun though haha
I always marvel at how awesome God made the world.
Today was full of those moments:
"God I really need you to help me right now"
"darn why did I do that"
"Calm down and be patient"
"How do I love right here right now?"
"What do I do?"
"I'm confused"
"Why God?"
The moments that give you the choice to live for God or to live for yourself.
We get these moments everyday. I think that God has just opened my eyes to more of them recently. Each is a small battle in your life.
I dunno if I can say I passed with flying colours
but I hope and pray that as time goes on I can win each one.
As I was praying today God convicted me to get rid of my downloaded music that I didn't pay for. So here I am in the process of doing that. This will really only leave me with 1 album of song LOL but its ok I know that God is going to bless me cuz He's good.
(Hence the great purge)
I liked it... EXCEPT THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS EXHIBIT WAS CLOSED JUST FOR TODAY
Its was fun though haha
I always marvel at how awesome God made the world.
Today was full of those moments:
"God I really need you to help me right now"
"darn why did I do that"
"Calm down and be patient"
"How do I love right here right now?"
"What do I do?"
"I'm confused"
"Why God?"
The moments that give you the choice to live for God or to live for yourself.
We get these moments everyday. I think that God has just opened my eyes to more of them recently. Each is a small battle in your life.
I dunno if I can say I passed with flying colours
but I hope and pray that as time goes on I can win each one.
As I was praying today God convicted me to get rid of my downloaded music that I didn't pay for. So here I am in the process of doing that. This will really only leave me with 1 album of song LOL but its ok I know that God is going to bless me cuz He's good.
(Hence the great purge)
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Church Without Limits
Sunday night we decided to go to a more charismatic church.
The building they used was the church beside Oriole park.
"Church Without Limits"
Completely opposite from the church I went to that morning.
It was like a wild party with God instead of drugs and alcohol.
Filled with the spirit.
Young congregation mostly teens and young adults.
More multicultural too but mostly African American.
The message was about the Glory of God
and that His glory is manifested more when we let Him have more of our lives and get rid of sins that we have in "backrooms" of our hearts. He made this mind blowing connection between the story of Elijah and the prophets of Baal, John the Baptist and us as Christians today.
There was a time to repent for sins and it was humbling to see how open and bold people were that they would shout at the top of their lungs as a cry of repentance and praise to Jesus not holding anything back. I want to be that bold and humble.
"This life is not mine, everything that I have is a gift"
-trying to see life through this perspective.
The building they used was the church beside Oriole park.
"Church Without Limits"
Completely opposite from the church I went to that morning.
It was like a wild party with God instead of drugs and alcohol.
Filled with the spirit.
Young congregation mostly teens and young adults.
More multicultural too but mostly African American.
The message was about the Glory of God
and that His glory is manifested more when we let Him have more of our lives and get rid of sins that we have in "backrooms" of our hearts. He made this mind blowing connection between the story of Elijah and the prophets of Baal, John the Baptist and us as Christians today.
There was a time to repent for sins and it was humbling to see how open and bold people were that they would shout at the top of their lungs as a cry of repentance and praise to Jesus not holding anything back. I want to be that bold and humble.
"This life is not mine, everything that I have is a gift"
-trying to see life through this perspective.
Thistletown Baptist
So Today I went to the church in my community "Thistletown Baptist Church"
Small building but I think there were at least 100 or more people packed in.
It was very different, traditional Southern Baptist.
The congregation consisted of Afican Americans, Jamaicans, Caucasians and some Mexicans. Older group of people. I would say most of the population was 30-60 years old with a few teens.
We sang a lot of hymns. It was cool cuz everyone was singing LOUD and worshipping in their own way.
There was a Healing time where people would go up and the pastor prays for them
A Jr. Worship time...the kids go up and the pastor talks to them in front of the congregation. uh this part made me really uncomfortable.
I'm not gonna lie the stereotypes of traditional churches in the media really got to me. It seemed like the pastor was stotal bogus BUT I forced myelf to keep an open mind and tried as hard as I could not to judge how other people do things. It turned out to eatbe pretty great. The message really spoke to me and I learned that the pastor isn't a creep he's just really uh eccentric in a good way. LOL
To end the service everyone gathered around the the chapel to sing a hymn and even though it sounds lame it wasn't.
I met a few people after service very nice and welcoming. I think this is going to be a crazy year.
Parents also came to the church (I guess they miss me too much :P) and I tried really hard to be a good kid with some success I think. It was ok, they gave me food and even though I didn't want to "cheat" why turn down food? =)
It would be such a waste.
Small building but I think there were at least 100 or more people packed in.
It was very different, traditional Southern Baptist.
The congregation consisted of Afican Americans, Jamaicans, Caucasians and some Mexicans. Older group of people. I would say most of the population was 30-60 years old with a few teens.
We sang a lot of hymns. It was cool cuz everyone was singing LOUD and worshipping in their own way.
There was a Healing time where people would go up and the pastor prays for them
A Jr. Worship time...the kids go up and the pastor talks to them in front of the congregation. uh this part made me really uncomfortable.
I'm not gonna lie the stereotypes of traditional churches in the media really got to me. It seemed like the pastor was stotal bogus BUT I forced myelf to keep an open mind and tried as hard as I could not to judge how other people do things. It turned out to eatbe pretty great. The message really spoke to me and I learned that the pastor isn't a creep he's just really uh eccentric in a good way. LOL
To end the service everyone gathered around the the chapel to sing a hymn and even though it sounds lame it wasn't.
I met a few people after service very nice and welcoming. I think this is going to be a crazy year.
Parents also came to the church (I guess they miss me too much :P) and I tried really hard to be a good kid with some success I think. It was ok, they gave me food and even though I didn't want to "cheat" why turn down food? =)
It would be such a waste.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Day Off
So today was the first official "day off"
didn't do much
slept in a bit went downtown and hung out
Parents wanted to visit tomorrow but I had to ask them not too
YES its mean I know, but I feel that God wants me to go 100% in the new life he put me in. So that means treating it as if I'm on missions far away.
MAYBE later on after I get used to things I can start to visit a little bit.
but for now only during Thanksgiving and Christmas will I come home.
Also started reading "The Beautiful Disappointment" by Colin McCartney (the Founder of UP Toronto) It is really relevant to what I am going through and also what I will need to know for the future. I thought I was going through I hard time, but he makes it look like its nothing >.<
Did a lot of thinking today: You know how sometimes you look back a few years and you realize "wow God has really changed me a lot since then"
I want God to change me so much that I don't even notice that He has changed me.
That way I can't get cocky about how much I have grown and God gets all the glory.
I think I'm going crazy getting very paranoid about things 0.o I need to calm down.
didn't do much
slept in a bit went downtown and hung out
Parents wanted to visit tomorrow but I had to ask them not too
YES its mean I know, but I feel that God wants me to go 100% in the new life he put me in. So that means treating it as if I'm on missions far away.
MAYBE later on after I get used to things I can start to visit a little bit.
but for now only during Thanksgiving and Christmas will I come home.
Also started reading "The Beautiful Disappointment" by Colin McCartney (the Founder of UP Toronto) It is really relevant to what I am going through and also what I will need to know for the future. I thought I was going through I hard time, but he makes it look like its nothing >.<
Did a lot of thinking today: You know how sometimes you look back a few years and you realize "wow God has really changed me a lot since then"
I want God to change me so much that I don't even notice that He has changed me.
That way I can't get cocky about how much I have grown and God gets all the glory.
I think I'm going crazy getting very paranoid about things 0.o I need to calm down.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Hippobus
I have been having bad allergies for a few weeks so I bought some allergy medicine except I forgot to read the side effects. So i took some this morning and got REALLY tired. I went to explore the neighborhood and fell asleep in the food court of the Jane & Finch mall...
Also went on the Toronto "Hippotour" on the hippobus (its a bus boat)
Randomly saw a friend I haven't seen in a long time while passing by the UFT campus.
Which got me to start thinking if there was a reason I did, maybe not.
Either way It reminded me to start praying for this person again because she doesn't know God's love.
Prayer Requests:
- Need to choose placement for community work, have no clue what to do (ask God to reveal it to me)
- need to choose a camp name (I think I know what God wants it to be but not sure need confirmation)
Also went on the Toronto "Hippotour" on the hippobus (its a bus boat)
Randomly saw a friend I haven't seen in a long time while passing by the UFT campus.
Which got me to start thinking if there was a reason I did, maybe not.
Either way It reminded me to start praying for this person again because she doesn't know God's love.
Prayer Requests:
- Need to choose placement for community work, have no clue what to do (ask God to reveal it to me)
- need to choose a camp name (I think I know what God wants it to be but not sure need confirmation)
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Interns
So I'm sitting with some of the interns
and talking to some old interns who decided to visit.
Its awesome! each intern is so differnt and passioniote about God. Blessed with differnt gifts Its really encouraging.
This one intern Spencer gets random messages from God.
Sometimes God just tells Him some is going to happen and it does.
Another intern is doing His second year as an intern he is from Ireland but he wants to stay in Canada and start A Jr. High ministry in Warden Woods.
The way things are here is exactly like Acts 2
We live together share our things and encourage each other.
It cool when people start talking about God in such a real and personal way. The way it should be. I'm learning lots.
and talking to some old interns who decided to visit.
Its awesome! each intern is so differnt and passioniote about God. Blessed with differnt gifts Its really encouraging.
This one intern Spencer gets random messages from God.
Sometimes God just tells Him some is going to happen and it does.
Another intern is doing His second year as an intern he is from Ireland but he wants to stay in Canada and start A Jr. High ministry in Warden Woods.
The way things are here is exactly like Acts 2
We live together share our things and encourage each other.
It cool when people start talking about God in such a real and personal way. The way it should be. I'm learning lots.
Training Manual
Went through the logistics and technical issues today.
6 hours, felt like school. The church we used was cool though Don Mills Baptist Church.
Learned a lot about Urban Promise, past experiences and background of the kids.
Also learned a lot about spotting children who are abused in anyway
Physical, Emotional, Sexual
Heavy Stuff.
Got home early mmm pizza.
6 hours, felt like school. The church we used was cool though Don Mills Baptist Church.
Learned a lot about Urban Promise, past experiences and background of the kids.
Also learned a lot about spotting children who are abused in anyway
Physical, Emotional, Sexual
Heavy Stuff.
Got home early mmm pizza.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
On Site
Went to visit my site today.
Its a small church. We share the space with 3 different ministries
Korean Church, the local church and I forgot the last one.
We walked around the community to get to know the parents.
Its very different its hard to explain, but the communities are all very close and connected which is good i think.
One of the part time staff Christine runs a weekly bible study group for the moms.
She is awesome she didn't know any of them and was able to talk to them and arrange times to meet with them and some of the moms are SCARY! Its also funny cuz shes a small Asian lady taking to big black women =) haha She lives down the street from MCBC. Apparently she's been trying to get Pastor Joe to support the ministry but its not working. Its ok I told her to talk to Freddy LOL get the youth involved!
I also went through the basics of what I will be doing with my supervisor. Its going to be hard. Almost like fellowship but everyday with a different culture of kids...
Lots of planning but the hard part is getting the youth to respect me. Don't know if I can do that. We'll see how it goes. Pray for that.
Lastly went to an awesome BBQ tonight hosted by on of UP's major supporters. Good food. Duane Forrest is a crazy talented musician need to jam with him sometime.
So in New York a couples' dog died but they couldn't burry it because there was no land nearby so they put it in a suitcase to take to the dump. On the way it was STOLEN
LOL
Its a small church. We share the space with 3 different ministries
Korean Church, the local church and I forgot the last one.
We walked around the community to get to know the parents.
Its very different its hard to explain, but the communities are all very close and connected which is good i think.
One of the part time staff Christine runs a weekly bible study group for the moms.
She is awesome she didn't know any of them and was able to talk to them and arrange times to meet with them and some of the moms are SCARY! Its also funny cuz shes a small Asian lady taking to big black women =) haha She lives down the street from MCBC. Apparently she's been trying to get Pastor Joe to support the ministry but its not working. Its ok I told her to talk to Freddy LOL get the youth involved!
I also went through the basics of what I will be doing with my supervisor. Its going to be hard. Almost like fellowship but everyday with a different culture of kids...
Lots of planning but the hard part is getting the youth to respect me. Don't know if I can do that. We'll see how it goes. Pray for that.
Lastly went to an awesome BBQ tonight hosted by on of UP's major supporters. Good food. Duane Forrest is a crazy talented musician need to jam with him sometime.
So in New York a couples' dog died but they couldn't burry it because there was no land nearby so they put it in a suitcase to take to the dump. On the way it was STOLEN
LOL
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Worship Urban Promise Style
Today we had a worship service for UP staff and interns. We met the supervisors for each camp. The service was very simple an out of tune piano and singing, but it was filled with God's presence. It humbled me to see people so close to God, that just being in the same room with them drew His presence in a tangible way. The message was very relaxed more like a sharing of how God provides. Wish I could tell you but too long! Each of the supervisors are really cool and unique. It is a blessing to be able to work with them this year. I know I will learn a lot from them.
The rest of the day was spent on orientation. A lot of wise things were said about the attitude of serving as a Christian. It was encouraging to hear the discussions and things that were said. It also made me want to be more Christ-like it my attitude.
Self-centered service is concerned with impressive gains. It enjoys serving when the service is titanic or growing in that direction
Christ-Centered service doesn't distinguish between small and large. It indiscriminately welcomes all opportunities to serve
Self-centered service requires external reward, appreciation and applause
Christ-Centered service rest content in hiddenness. The divine nod of approval is sufficient
Self-centered focus is highly concerned about results. It becomes disillusioned when results fall below expectations.
Christ-Centered service is free of the need to calculate results; it delights only in service.
Self-Centered Service is affected by feelings
Christ-Centered service ministers simply and faithfully because there is a need. The service disciplines the feelings (this one is HARD to do)
Self-Centered service insists on meeting the need; it demands the opportunity to help
Christ-Centered service listens with tenderness and patience. It can serve waiting in silence (my favourite)
We also did a personality to gauge our weaknesses and strengths, to see how we approach things and also to understand each other better! I am very task oriented =)
________________________________________________________________________________
Went shopping (finally stores closed yesterday) wheeled shopping cart back to apartment LOL (did not want to pay for bags) We took it back though its not far.
I also cooked. I now realize that my mother has taught me well (yes mother I thank you now) I think I am the only person who can cook in my apartment. I think I'm pretty good at this cooking thing The Germans like it :P haha
Also did some jamming one of my roommates. He plays the Caion! (drum box) Pretty sick. too bad I have no amp =(
Interesting fact: "Mushy" is a derogatory word in German 0_o
________________________________________________________________________________
Our Intern Director shared this poem with us:
The Winds of Fate
One ship drives east and another drives west
With the selfsame winds that blow.
'Tis the set of the sails
And not the gales
Which tells us the way to go.
Like the winds of the sea are the ways of fate,
As we voyage along through life:
'Tis the set of the soul
That decides its goal,
And not the calm or the strife.
-Ella Wheeler Wilcox
The attitude is so important and what is going to make or break this year.
Prayer requests:
- adjusting to new life (getting better)
- develop Godly characteristics and remove ungodly ones
- still hard to stay focused
The rest of the day was spent on orientation. A lot of wise things were said about the attitude of serving as a Christian. It was encouraging to hear the discussions and things that were said. It also made me want to be more Christ-like it my attitude.
Self-centered service is concerned with impressive gains. It enjoys serving when the service is titanic or growing in that direction
Christ-Centered service doesn't distinguish between small and large. It indiscriminately welcomes all opportunities to serve
Self-centered service requires external reward, appreciation and applause
Christ-Centered service rest content in hiddenness. The divine nod of approval is sufficient
Self-centered focus is highly concerned about results. It becomes disillusioned when results fall below expectations.
Christ-Centered service is free of the need to calculate results; it delights only in service.
Self-Centered Service is affected by feelings
Christ-Centered service ministers simply and faithfully because there is a need. The service disciplines the feelings (this one is HARD to do)
Self-Centered service insists on meeting the need; it demands the opportunity to help
Christ-Centered service listens with tenderness and patience. It can serve waiting in silence (my favourite)
We also did a personality to gauge our weaknesses and strengths, to see how we approach things and also to understand each other better! I am very task oriented =)
________________________________________________________________________________
Went shopping (finally stores closed yesterday) wheeled shopping cart back to apartment LOL (did not want to pay for bags) We took it back though its not far.
I also cooked. I now realize that my mother has taught me well (yes mother I thank you now) I think I am the only person who can cook in my apartment. I think I'm pretty good at this cooking thing The Germans like it :P haha
Also did some jamming one of my roommates. He plays the Caion! (drum box) Pretty sick. too bad I have no amp =(
Interesting fact: "Mushy" is a derogatory word in German 0_o
________________________________________________________________________________
Our Intern Director shared this poem with us:
The Winds of Fate
One ship drives east and another drives west
With the selfsame winds that blow.
'Tis the set of the sails
And not the gales
Which tells us the way to go.
Like the winds of the sea are the ways of fate,
As we voyage along through life:
'Tis the set of the soul
That decides its goal,
And not the calm or the strife.
-Ella Wheeler Wilcox
The attitude is so important and what is going to make or break this year.
Prayer requests:
- adjusting to new life (getting better)
- develop Godly characteristics and remove ungodly ones
- still hard to stay focused
Monday, September 7, 2009
Bonding Day
Went to the EX today was pretty boring though so we left early to hangout around Camp Peace. (Java Hut) Some of the interns wanted to see their kids. Went to see the other apartments and got a mini TV, they had an extra.
Still adjusting.
Interesting fact: Germans count with their fingers using the THUMB first not the index finger! They also call cellphones "a handy"
Got back started to do some cleaning.
Lots of garbage and junk lying around threw it all away.
Swept and mopped. The place is pretty gross and dirty.
Did not see that many roaches today though only around 5.
Its funny cuz now I have to ACTUALLY start being responsible.
I feel like a mom.
Apparently the official program doesn't start till September 26th.
Keep praying.
Thanks
Still adjusting.
Interesting fact: Germans count with their fingers using the THUMB first not the index finger! They also call cellphones "a handy"
Got back started to do some cleaning.
Lots of garbage and junk lying around threw it all away.
Swept and mopped. The place is pretty gross and dirty.
Did not see that many roaches today though only around 5.
Its funny cuz now I have to ACTUALLY start being responsible.
I feel like a mom.
Apparently the official program doesn't start till September 26th.
Keep praying.
Thanks
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Welcome to the Ghetto
ok not really.
semi-ghetto
Today I met with the other interns, There's 11 in total
1 from Ireland, 5 from Germany, 1 from Florida, 1 from Windsor, 1 from London(Ontario) and the rest from the TDot. We are expecting 2 more Australians to join us in November because of their different school scheduling. Our age ranges from 17-20.
I was thrown into a whole new environment people from all cultures, I'm the only Asian.
My apartment is at Jane and Finch the community is predominantly African American and Jamaican. I'm living with two German guys who are still adjusting to English so I have to talk slow.
While looking around my new apartment, everything seemed ok not really nice but not really bad, however I found many cockroaches crawling around the kitchen. They varied from the around the size of half the tip of your pinky finger to about 1/3 your index finger. The result of past interns not closing food off well. I soon found out that they are not only in the kitchen but also crawling all around the bathroom in fact the whole building is infested. Its not that bad though. Its not like a whole swarm. You see 5-10 crawling around and disappearing at different times. Thankfully I have seen none in my bedroom or living room. Makes it slightly uncomfortable while your doing your business though. I learned that Windex kills them effectively.
On her way in My mother saw people selling drugs at the door of my apartment, awesome now I know where to get some if I ever get too stressed ...just kidding of course :P
Another interesting fact: my balcony is above the garbage container so if I aim right I don't have to take out the trash the hard way, I can drop it right down. Same goes for recycling...I think.
Food is another issue I must cook and buy my own groceries luckily there are some old cookbooks lying around......
Lastly, the camp I am placed at, Camp Victory is the toughest out of all of them. I'll be working with youth.
Tomorrow- going to to THE EX (bonding time with other interns)
Tuesday- Training begins
Wednesday- meet the kids
Goals for this year:
1. be purified and refined, stretched to my limits and to come out a new creation in God knowing His will for me in the next stage of my life. All so that His name is glorified.
2. to do God's work and to show his love in the community of North Etobicoke
Prayer Requests:
1. To be able to get along with the other interns and to be able to adjust to the new changes
2. To stay focused on God
3. For God to reveal which few kids He wants me to care for specifically.
4. For God to bless me
5. For me to grow as a Christian
semi-ghetto
Today I met with the other interns, There's 11 in total
1 from Ireland, 5 from Germany, 1 from Florida, 1 from Windsor, 1 from London(Ontario) and the rest from the TDot. We are expecting 2 more Australians to join us in November because of their different school scheduling. Our age ranges from 17-20.
I was thrown into a whole new environment people from all cultures, I'm the only Asian.
My apartment is at Jane and Finch the community is predominantly African American and Jamaican. I'm living with two German guys who are still adjusting to English so I have to talk slow.
While looking around my new apartment, everything seemed ok not really nice but not really bad, however I found many cockroaches crawling around the kitchen. They varied from the around the size of half the tip of your pinky finger to about 1/3 your index finger. The result of past interns not closing food off well. I soon found out that they are not only in the kitchen but also crawling all around the bathroom in fact the whole building is infested. Its not that bad though. Its not like a whole swarm. You see 5-10 crawling around and disappearing at different times. Thankfully I have seen none in my bedroom or living room. Makes it slightly uncomfortable while your doing your business though. I learned that Windex kills them effectively.
On her way in My mother saw people selling drugs at the door of my apartment, awesome now I know where to get some if I ever get too stressed ...just kidding of course :P
Another interesting fact: my balcony is above the garbage container so if I aim right I don't have to take out the trash the hard way, I can drop it right down. Same goes for recycling...I think.
Food is another issue I must cook and buy my own groceries luckily there are some old cookbooks lying around......
Lastly, the camp I am placed at, Camp Victory is the toughest out of all of them. I'll be working with youth.
Tomorrow- going to to THE EX (bonding time with other interns)
Tuesday- Training begins
Wednesday- meet the kids
Goals for this year:
1. be purified and refined, stretched to my limits and to come out a new creation in God knowing His will for me in the next stage of my life. All so that His name is glorified.
2. to do God's work and to show his love in the community of North Etobicoke
Prayer Requests:
1. To be able to get along with the other interns and to be able to adjust to the new changes
2. To stay focused on God
3. For God to reveal which few kids He wants me to care for specifically.
4. For God to bless me
5. For me to grow as a Christian
Saturday, September 5, 2009
I FEEL S***TY AND AWESOME
So like always before I go into a new missionfield God owns me.
I was owned, and I feel really sad, confused, hurt, frustrated with myself and unsatisfied. But at the same time the Peace of Christ is within me.
God calls us to reconcile and to be at harmony with our brothers and sisters, before we come to His altar.
23"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.
Matthew 5:23-24
I have taken the first step but the hard part is just beginning. I know that God is on my side for this one though, so I know that it will work out by His grace, love and goodness.
The owning comes after that, with what I expected and wanted after and what the other reconcile-ee wanted. They were different.
BUT in the end I realized that it was NOT about what I or what the reconcile-ee wanted. It was about God, His plan and what He wanted. HIS GOOD AND PERFECT PLAN for all of us; His Will.
With that I was able to give up on my dreams and plans because I knew that there's was nothing I can do about what has already happened. What I can do is trust in God that His way is perfect and to move on to keep striving to be more Christ-like in every aspect of my life.
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11
God wants to PROSPER ME!
WOW he wants to PROSPER YOU
ITS IN HIS PLAN!
GOD IS GOOD
You are good, and what you do is good;
teach me your decrees.
Psalm 119:68
I know that whatever He's got in store for me its WAY better than what I have planned x839580258059 and beyond.
Right now it might not be great but I KNOW it will be beyond what my small mind can fathom or grasp.
I was owned, and I feel really sad, confused, hurt, frustrated with myself and unsatisfied. But at the same time the Peace of Christ is within me.
God calls us to reconcile and to be at harmony with our brothers and sisters, before we come to His altar.
23"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.
Matthew 5:23-24
I have taken the first step but the hard part is just beginning. I know that God is on my side for this one though, so I know that it will work out by His grace, love and goodness.
The owning comes after that, with what I expected and wanted after and what the other reconcile-ee wanted. They were different.
BUT in the end I realized that it was NOT about what I or what the reconcile-ee wanted. It was about God, His plan and what He wanted. HIS GOOD AND PERFECT PLAN for all of us; His Will.
With that I was able to give up on my dreams and plans because I knew that there's was nothing I can do about what has already happened. What I can do is trust in God that His way is perfect and to move on to keep striving to be more Christ-like in every aspect of my life.
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11
God wants to PROSPER ME!
WOW he wants to PROSPER YOU
ITS IN HIS PLAN!
GOD IS GOOD
You are good, and what you do is good;
teach me your decrees.
Psalm 119:68
I know that whatever He's got in store for me its WAY better than what I have planned x839580258059 and beyond.
Right now it might not be great but I KNOW it will be beyond what my small mind can fathom or grasp.
Plunge
Your seven, its your first time on a roller coaster and your at the top waiting for the plunge down.........
You think to yourself "frick what the heck have I gotten myself into"
There's no turning back though your already strapped in.
All you can do is brace yourself. You've heard many different things: how thrilling it is, how your stomach churns, the rush of the wind as you go down but you don't know what its actually going to be like. Thats the scary part.
It looks....... frightening from the top looking down.
That's how I feel.
You think to yourself "frick what the heck have I gotten myself into"
There's no turning back though your already strapped in.
All you can do is brace yourself. You've heard many different things: how thrilling it is, how your stomach churns, the rush of the wind as you go down but you don't know what its actually going to be like. Thats the scary part.
It looks....... frightening from the top looking down.
That's how I feel.
Let Go
God Spoke to me.
With my internship coming close I didn't really feel anything. I just knew it was coming. A lot of it was because I would be close to home. I would be able to live far enough to live away from home but also close enough to still be in my comfort zone. I had a lot of plans to do things part time during my internship: TC, Softball in the summer, Triumph. I also planned to go to fellowship at MCBC during times I had off and come visit friends and such. Urban Promise started to become secondary to the relaxing year I had planned for myself.
It wasn't until these past couple of days that things changed.
Yesterday I went to the university men's cell. It was fun we chilled, played video games and ate food. We also had a bible study on dreams, ambitions and God's plan.
1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual[a] act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:1-2
This really spoke to me. We were talking about God's will for our life. A lot of times we get the idea that we should do something while waiting for God's will. In other words put what we want ahead of God's, but this verse tells us to sacrifice those dreams first and to put on the mind set of God first before we can know what God's will is. For me I wasn't ready to give up the plans I had.
Its easy to trust God when things are bad or aren't looking to get better.
Its hard when things are going fine and looks like its going to get better.
Today I had my interview for the Student Coordinator position. It was chills answered questions was really comfortable. Before I left though Gord Poon (one of my interviewers) asked me "is your heart in the right place, because you can't have two hearts." He told me how he did an internship at ETCBC and how they have fellowship on Friday's and how his old church's fellowship was on Saturday. He wanted to help at his old church out until he had this problem. This really made me think about why I wanted to serve at TC this year, it also made me question the other commitments I decided to take on. Were they for God? or really just for me?
With this internship God wants me in 100% I can't have my heart elsewhere I need to be focused. It should be like I'm moving far away. Being so close will only make things harder because I have the choice......the choice to run back if things get rough. So there's no going back. When I'm gone I'm gone.
Tonight I went to part of a bible study at RHCBC. The topic was characteristics of a Godly Servant. The story was of David, Nabal and Abigail. (1 Samuel 25)
A few ideas were: Loyal, Hard working, humble, persevering, committed, willingness
I am a servant of God, do I possess these qualities?
With this new mind set in place. I'm starting to feel excited, sacred, anxious.
There's no turning back. I'm going to have to adjust to a new lifestyle, new culture, new people. I won't be able to rely on the friends I have here. I won't be able to come back on off days. I have to be committed to God's calling. A lot of things will change and I'm scared because I don't know how its all going to turn out but I have to trust in God because I have already gone this far. It would be stupid to drop out halfway through a race.
I have to let go of my plans and be ready for whatever God throws at me.
I also have to take care of things in my life now so I can start with nothing holding me back.
With my internship coming close I didn't really feel anything. I just knew it was coming. A lot of it was because I would be close to home. I would be able to live far enough to live away from home but also close enough to still be in my comfort zone. I had a lot of plans to do things part time during my internship: TC, Softball in the summer, Triumph. I also planned to go to fellowship at MCBC during times I had off and come visit friends and such. Urban Promise started to become secondary to the relaxing year I had planned for myself.
It wasn't until these past couple of days that things changed.
Yesterday I went to the university men's cell. It was fun we chilled, played video games and ate food. We also had a bible study on dreams, ambitions and God's plan.
1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual[a] act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:1-2
This really spoke to me. We were talking about God's will for our life. A lot of times we get the idea that we should do something while waiting for God's will. In other words put what we want ahead of God's, but this verse tells us to sacrifice those dreams first and to put on the mind set of God first before we can know what God's will is. For me I wasn't ready to give up the plans I had.
Its easy to trust God when things are bad or aren't looking to get better.
Its hard when things are going fine and looks like its going to get better.
Today I had my interview for the Student Coordinator position. It was chills answered questions was really comfortable. Before I left though Gord Poon (one of my interviewers) asked me "is your heart in the right place, because you can't have two hearts." He told me how he did an internship at ETCBC and how they have fellowship on Friday's and how his old church's fellowship was on Saturday. He wanted to help at his old church out until he had this problem. This really made me think about why I wanted to serve at TC this year, it also made me question the other commitments I decided to take on. Were they for God? or really just for me?
With this internship God wants me in 100% I can't have my heart elsewhere I need to be focused. It should be like I'm moving far away. Being so close will only make things harder because I have the choice......the choice to run back if things get rough. So there's no going back. When I'm gone I'm gone.
Tonight I went to part of a bible study at RHCBC. The topic was characteristics of a Godly Servant. The story was of David, Nabal and Abigail. (1 Samuel 25)
A few ideas were: Loyal, Hard working, humble, persevering, committed, willingness
I am a servant of God, do I possess these qualities?
With this new mind set in place. I'm starting to feel excited, sacred, anxious.
There's no turning back. I'm going to have to adjust to a new lifestyle, new culture, new people. I won't be able to rely on the friends I have here. I won't be able to come back on off days. I have to be committed to God's calling. A lot of things will change and I'm scared because I don't know how its all going to turn out but I have to trust in God because I have already gone this far. It would be stupid to drop out halfway through a race.
I have to let go of my plans and be ready for whatever God throws at me.
I also have to take care of things in my life now so I can start with nothing holding me back.
Friday, September 4, 2009
One Year
Its been a year and a day since I started blogging.
and overall its been good
God has blessed me and taught me many things.
I'm excited for this year cuz I know things are going to get even more challenging, but I also know I'll experience God on a whole new level
Lets do this.
and overall its been good
God has blessed me and taught me many things.
I'm excited for this year cuz I know things are going to get even more challenging, but I also know I'll experience God on a whole new level
Lets do this.
Silence
Silence is sharper than a knife
It pierces deeper than a spear
Silence Hurts more than a hundred thousand needles
Silence is also my best friend
and I can't break through the silence
I'm trapped inside this hell
God please lift me out
and I can't last another minute
its choking my soul out
I need to breathe once more
Father help me to do whats right
Give strength to conquer fear
It won't be easy like David and Goliath
But you alone can set me free
tell me why?
O tell me why?
was I stupid enough to let the silence happen
was stupid enough to destroy something so good
Now its only You
Only You
Who can set thing right again
and bring peace back to my life
Silence I will overcome you
Silence I am not alone.
It pierces deeper than a spear
Silence Hurts more than a hundred thousand needles
Silence is also my best friend
and I can't break through the silence
I'm trapped inside this hell
God please lift me out
and I can't last another minute
its choking my soul out
I need to breathe once more
Father help me to do whats right
Give strength to conquer fear
It won't be easy like David and Goliath
But you alone can set me free
tell me why?
O tell me why?
was I stupid enough to let the silence happen
was stupid enough to destroy something so good
Now its only You
Only You
Who can set thing right again
and bring peace back to my life
Silence I will overcome you
Silence I am not alone.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Failed Protagonist
He sits there like a fool
Filled with too much pride to say hes wrong
He thinks that he can fool
Himself and those around him in his life
but inside hes crying wishing it was fine
inside hes dying with words left unsaid
Filled with too much pride to say hes wrong
He thinks that he can fool
Himself and those around him in his life
but inside hes crying wishing it was fine
inside hes dying with words left unsaid
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
End
I think that I can see the light
God please let there be a light
At the end of this broken chapter of our lives
Broken glass is hard to fix
Mending broken hearts is so much harder
This burden isn't getting lighter
It takes all my strength to pretend its gone away
I'm wondering what happened how things could've gone so wrong
I know im not perfect I admit
I wish I could make it right to go back to those times we had
but I am just a coward just a boy not a man
All I can do is hide behind this song
I'm sorry the words I'm too afraid to say
I'm sorry I scream in my heart everyday '
Knowing that this is still going on
Its Haunting me like a demon in my life
Desperate to find redemption
Can I be strong enough to face the truth?
I don't know about you if you feel the way that I do
I miss you I confess
I'm scared that it can't be right that it'll never be the same
I want to be brave like a hero not a fool
but all I can do is hide behind this song
im sorry the words I'm too afraid to say
Im sorry I scream in my heart everyday '
I wish that I could've said something sooner
I Wish that I could turn back the hands of time
but now this has gone stale and rotten
all I can do is hope I'm not too late
I think that I can see a light
God please let there be a light
At the end of this broken chapter of our lives
(F Am G C
F Am C G
F Am C G F)
God please let there be a light
At the end of this broken chapter of our lives
Broken glass is hard to fix
Mending broken hearts is so much harder
This burden isn't getting lighter
It takes all my strength to pretend its gone away
I'm wondering what happened how things could've gone so wrong
I know im not perfect I admit
I wish I could make it right to go back to those times we had
but I am just a coward just a boy not a man
All I can do is hide behind this song
I'm sorry the words I'm too afraid to say
I'm sorry I scream in my heart everyday '
Knowing that this is still going on
Its Haunting me like a demon in my life
Desperate to find redemption
Can I be strong enough to face the truth?
I don't know about you if you feel the way that I do
I miss you I confess
I'm scared that it can't be right that it'll never be the same
I want to be brave like a hero not a fool
but all I can do is hide behind this song
im sorry the words I'm too afraid to say
Im sorry I scream in my heart everyday '
I wish that I could've said something sooner
I Wish that I could turn back the hands of time
but now this has gone stale and rotten
all I can do is hope I'm not too late
I think that I can see a light
God please let there be a light
At the end of this broken chapter of our lives
(F Am G C
F Am C G
F Am C G F)
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