I made

$16 today in 2 hours? I think
it was encouraging to see so many supportive people
and thankfully no one tried to hurt me =)

The license fee was $33 so I just need to play another 2 hours to earn back what I used.

We Look To Eternity

The day when all things are made new.
Let us not be caught up in these fading shadows of a dying reality
Let us instead seek to have a clearer understanding of the reality to come.
Let us not prepare for the fleeting, uncertain future of this reality.
Let us instead prepare for how we are to live in the eternal reality.

We do not let this life own us, instead we own it, learning to stay unwavering and grounded amidst the currents of life as it rushes past us, appreciating each moment and person as a divine gift and continually focusing our eyes on the Author and Perfecter of our faith.

Live for that day

Woooooo

Got a call today the verdict for my suspension has been prolonged for two more days.
I have decided that tomorrow I am taking my guitar downtown and then I am going to sing worship songs to Jesus on the street.

I hope a busking permit isn't hard to get/ isn't too expensive XD

free spiritedness

Definitely need to stop wandering and stay grounded somewhere.
I have come to realize that I am too chill and hence don't really have a solid place to go to ATM. Between UP and TC Media I don't have a steady routine which I have concluded is not healthy.

I have started to attend ETCBC more than MCBC when I have the choice partly because its closer than MCBC but really thats just an excuse. So its gotten to the point where I have been asked if I'm actually switching, asked to do worship and asked to join a spiritual direction class (which I'm sorta thinking over in my head).

I went to TCMC yesterday. Each church is so unique I love seeing how different churches work.

I have too many friends all over the place and none that are part of the rhythm of my life. Well there isn't really a rhythm right now its sorta all over the place.
I admit I'm in a weird transition period and I sorta like it but its definitely taking a toll on me. Just when things get steady something happens and messes it up.

I feel God that much closer though Its awesome I love it. WOOOO

On another note my father wants me to go to a huge christian university in the states call Emmanuel College.
Sorry not for me. Lets be serious the harvest isn't in a christian bubble its in the outside world that's where I want to be. Not that I'm against these things but I'm a little tired of separating ourselves from the world type places.

I'm taking some time off to do some leveling this year so next year I can go pwn some noobs for the Kingdom~

yeee

Sharing

So I wrote down my sharing word for word.
It was weird usually I just wing it and have a few points but time I decided to write it out. I dunno it I like it though it feels weird reading off a paper.
_______________________________________________________
As I was preparing to start with Urban Promise raising support talking to different brothers and sisters. I remember talking to Chung about it and he something like this
"Your either gonna come back tough or come home crying like baby"
and there were times when i felt like going home but knew I couldn't give up and somehow God has brought me through this far.

The night before I left. God spoke to me clearly. He said this "Evangel I want you to give everything up and follow me"
I could barely sleep that night cuz the Spirit's conviction was so strong and from that point on it was a constant battle in my heart.

So suddenly I'm placed in a different culture, environment it was hard to take everything in. On one hand I was placed with a bunch of different interns from all around the world so we had to develop our own intern culture there and then I had to figure the jamaican/ black culture in Toronto. I felt so close to home yet soo far away.

So I 'm praying "God why am I so alone?" and God's said "You prayed for this, you want to get deep with, you want to be more like me then you gotta learn that' Im all that you need all that you'll ever want and even if I choose to take everything away you'll still be ok. You have to learn to be completely dependent on me"

I told God "I was just joking I didn't know what I was praying for. I don't wanna do this just give me another year, Im still just a kid"

God like "Too bad your already mine and I'm never letting you go. You can't go back"

Evangel "I'm like yes I can watch me"

God said "You can either go through this trial like a man or you can try to run and I'll drag you kicking and screaming through it, your choice"

Before we started program we had a staff retreat and during that time God revealed some heavy sins that were still plaguing my life.
He filled me with His Spirit and I was overwhelmed to the point that I started crying, shaking. He said this "Evangel I love you so much just as you are but I love you too much to leave you the way you are" Then he reached down and started to do some crazy heart surgery telling me what I had give to Him. I started freaking out I told God "I can't do this"

and it was dark times, painful but I don't think I would change it if I had the choice because it was during those times where God really revealed Himself to me in deep ways.
I remember one night, woke up at 3 am couldn't sleep. So what else to do than sing to Jesus and as I was worshiping the Spirit spoke to me and impressed His heart on me. "Evangel did you know that every second of the day I cry because of sin.It hurts me to see my children all around the world suffering because of it" I felt the weight of sin in the world in my heart and God's sorrow filled my being. I started crying God's tears uncontrollably. Its hard describe. It was heavy though. After that I passed out and slept like a baby till the next day.

Another time I was doing my volunteer placement helping a grade 1/2 split class and suddenly the Spirit filled me and started to talk to me. I was actually a bit confused. It was hard to translate what He was trying to say to me at that time. So I took walk around the school and I saw a few Catholic Priests doing confession with the kids at the school. At first I was like "God do you want me to go rebuke these deceivers of the truth?" but God was like "No I don't hate these people but I hate sin how It deceives people, lies to them and robs them of something so much better that they're missing out on" I felt God's righteous hate and anger burning in my heart.

So first few weeks of camp. I was a bit intimidated. The kids were wild they would tell me to leave, swear at me. The first day of camp 1 of my girls got arrested for breaking and entering and In my head I was like what? It sorta confirmed every prejudice I had in my head already. So I was pretty lenient when it came to disciplining I let a lot of things slide thinking that it wasn't going to change, but as my love for the kids grew I started to get stricter, meaner. I wouldn't let my kids get away with anything and they'd hate me even more for it. It didn't matter though I loved them more than what they thought of me I just wanted them to learn to do what's right cuz I knew it was whats was best for them. God imparted this verse to me "Train a child up in the way that he should go and when he grows up he will not turn from it" When I think back on my own life the adults who were the "meanest" to me were actually the ones that loved me the most.

and through learning to love my more kids God has shown me so much about himself

When my kids are good doing homework, helping to clean around the camp, not doing anything else wrong. My heart melts I want to bless then and do so much more for them. I love being able to sit down and watch my kids do good.
and I think how much more does God want to bless us when we're obeying Him? How much more is He watching us from heaven with a smile on His face?

But when my kids are acting up. They just stole something, disrespecting me, fighting with each other whatever else. I tell them to stop for own good cuz I don't want to punish them. I'll give them a few warnings hoping they'll listen but sometimes they'll just abuse the grace given to them and do something worse and then I'll have to suspend them. Then they'll tell they're never coming back, this camp sucks.... but they always do cuz deep inside they're drawn to the love of God that's there.

How much more does God show us His grace? When we sin He desperately waits for us to come back to Him. I think of the Israelites and how many times God pleaded with them to turn back to Him He gave them so many warnings and then finally He had to smash them.

Other times at camp I'll force my kids to do things they don't want to do. Make them sit down and correct their homework or do extra work, clean up around the camp

and they'll fight me every step of the way. Its hard for me to see them struggling through it especially the homework. A lot of them get so frustrated cuz they don't get how to do it and the messages they get around them are so negative that they've just given up, they don't care. but I know that in the end its good for them so I make them do it.

A lot of times God makes us do things we don't want to and it hurts, it doesn't make sense to us, but we need to trust that He can see the bigger picture and that in the end it's going to be for our good.

Somedays I'll wake up and pray "God I don't feel like loving these kids today, they're annoying, ungrateful. I'm tired I need a break"

I'll be struggling with my own personal issues and whole lot of other stuff and then God will say to me "Evangel just do it I'll be the love you need to make it through today"

and somehow from the moment the first kid walks through the door God's love just flows through me and at the end of the day I'll be amazed at what God did through me.

Otherdays I'll say to myself "forget this, these demon children deserve to go to hell" and I just want to give up cuz it feels like I'm planting seed but the devil keeps taking it away.

and then God would say to me "Don't you dare give up on my kids. I never gave up on you. I fought for you from the moment you were born so don't you dare give up on these kids"

During the first few weeks the hardest thing to do was to see each kid as a person loved by God, created in His image and not judge them by their actions.

but as I started to get to know them and really get into their lives I started to see why they act the way they do.

-a lot of them have no fathers, so both the guys and the girls will push you if your a guy because they're looking for that role model to look up to, There's a lot of pressure there on me. In everything that I do I'm being watched.

-one of the kids at camp he didn't really know his father but he found out that his father who lives in Jamaica got shot in the face the other day, one of the other kids started to make fun of him and he attacked him. How do you care for a situation like that?

-As part of getting into the community I volunteer at the school most of my kids go to. The truth is most of the teachers don't really care. I'm trying to talk to them about ways we can partner together to help my kids and as I'm talking they'll basically call my kids stupid. They'll pretend to care cuz its their job but I know their just trying to get rid of me. Some of them do genuinely care but there's too many kids to give them the attention they need. So the teachers just give them enough to move to the next grade so they don't have to deal with them.
One of my grade 8 guys only reads at a grade 3 level. He can barely put sentences together.

At home the kids don't get the attention they need its hard for a single mom to care for multiple children.

One of my girls shes lives in a small apartment with 9 other siblings.A lot of the time the kids are ignored at home left to take care of themselves. I remember during debrief time one of leaders told us one of the girls said this to her when she asked her what was wrong "My mommy doesn't care about me and it breaks my heart" and she was dead serious.

One of my other guys lives a 15 minutes walk away or that's what he told me. We decided to drive him home one day and it was more like a 30 minutes walk maybe longer.

We asked him why his parents couldn't pick him up. We found out that his mother died when he was young so he lives with his father and brother but his father has to work a lot so doesn't have much time. He used to come to camp telling me he's hungry and at I first I thought he was just playing me, but after talking to the other guys at camp I found out that he eat lunch most days because his dad forgets to pack it.

Another one of my girls she's a role model, gets good grades, listens to directions, never talks back. One day we noticed that she had scratches all over her face and we asked her what happened. She's wouldn't tell us but we told her we were going to find out one way or another by calling her mom or teacher. She told us when she gets angry she hurts herself.... This girl is only like 10-11.

I kept digging into their lives. Had a conversation with one my streetleaders whose been in the community for awhile
-He told me about some of my girls who were involved in some heavy sin
-when I found out I was like no way not my girls. I know they're rude but they would never be into that stuff there only kids
-One of my girls went missing from camp for a week and we asked her where she went. Turns out her 17 year old brother just had his first kid and she was at the hospital. Can imagine that? Its like Sam over here popping out a little in a few months. Fatherlessness Its a cycle and its not easy to stop.
-my older guys the relationships their in. They tell us they don't want to handle the girl but they stay in for what the girls allows them to do.

and sometimes I want so desperately tell them "what are you doing you don't need any of this junk all you need God He's your Father He's only thing that you''ll ever need, all that you really want" Friday nights we do a youth group and they'll tell me they have to leave early or they'll come late and I know they're going to some party or to go hangout with some other friends

and I want to force them to stay but I can't. They have to make that choice

So all I can do is pray:

"Father I ask that these kids grow up to know you, to walk in your ways, open their eyes to who you are to who they are, protect them from evil and bring healing to their broken lives."

One night I was really questioning God about the sin, brokenness, hurt in the world, especially after the earthquake in Haiti. I was like "God are you really sovereign? Do you really love us like You say you do in your word? Or do you just let things happen and whoever comes to you comes to you?" and I knew that I was so wrong that I shouldn't question God but I couldn't stop myself it just kept firing away in my heart..... and then I dunno how to describe this but this wind filled my head and God revealed a minuscule amount of His power to me. I got so scared. I was like "I'm sorry God I'll never question you again. I'll trust in you. I felt like Job when God came and rebuked him for complaining about what he was put through"

Usually when people do sharings about things going on in the missionfield they'll be some struggles and then they'll be a good ending of God doing something amazing. I'm sorry guys I can tell you that I have seen some the kids improve in their behavior and a few of them really want to know God more and that's awesome but its not like people are coming to Jesus left right and center. It seems to me for this year anyways just when I feel like I've gone through the fire and I'm about to get out, God just turns the heat up. Right now we're barely surviving at Camp Victory. We're down two supervisors one just had a baby unexpectedly early and the other left a few month ago due to illness. One of my streetleaders had to be suspended for safety reasons. We weren't given the details, but this streetleader he was the guy that all kids looked up to. I looked up to him. His camp name is Prophet. Sometimes we'll be doing a bible study and he'll be like I've just received word from the Lord and he'll say something crazy. The thing that gets me the most is how the kids will respond when they find out he has to leave. He's been in their life for so long and for them they've just had so many people come in and out of their lives to them its like another person who "gave up on them." So this past week I ended up running camp alone and it was pretty crazy. They finally made the decision yesterday that they had to close it down for the next week or until my supervisor can come back.

We need more leaders. I want to do so much with my kids and really get to know them, but I can't if I'm the only person there. I'm trying to teach one of my kids how to measure angles with a protractor but then I'll have to stop because 2 of my other kids are fighting with each and its just one thing after another. I can barely manage to make sure everyone is ok.

If there's one thing that God has impressed on my heart throughout this half year its this:
35For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.
-Mark 8:35

From before we were born God already determined what gifts he would give to us, what people He would place in our lives, what country we would be born in, how much material wealth we would have. Everyone on this earth is given something. Some more than others

As people we like to hold on to what we have so we start doing this and the more we try to hold on the more we actually lose what's been given to us
I'm holding on as hard as can. Its only when we learn to let go and surrender everything to God that we actually save what we have.
and sometimes God will bring us to a point where we're like this but then we'll start to do this again and when we close our hearts up. God isn't able to give us the blessings that He wants to give to us.
And God may say I want you to give up your father, mother, children, "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple" Luke 14:26 Maybe He'll ask you to give up a comfortable life, your hopes, aspirations whatever else
He may choose to take everything He gave to you away......but if you stay like this and keep your heart open to Him you'll realize that you actually have everything.

Its hard I know and for the longest time I was struggling with this. I knew somehow I had to get from here to here but I didn't know how to do it. At first I tried forcing myself to get there. I was telling myself ok Evangel you got to do this so stop holding on........ but it didn't work and then God spoke to me and said "Evangel stop trying so hard. You don't have to do anything. All you have to do is trust in me. I'll take you where you need to go" Isn't that such a relief?

and its scary at the same time but I know that I would feel so much worse not abiding in the will of my Father cuz I want to please Him. I want Him to say that I've done good. I want to hear "We'll done good and faithful servant, Come and share your master's happiness!" and as God has just worked I started to see how blessed I actually was. Even I though was separated from those I loved the most God' has really brought all of us interns together as a family. Its amazing to see God's love cross over so many cultures despite all our differences uniting as His body. I'm reminded of the story in the bible where Jesus' mother and siblings are trying to talk to Jesus but there's too many people crowding Him. Someone tell Jesus his family is looking for Him and Jesus says "Those who hear the word of God and obey are my mothers, sisters and brothers"

God has brought me a long way but He keeps telling I still have a long way to go.
Something he's been teaching me is how to respond in love and not react out of anger. Usually at camp I'm pretty good with controlling my anger and being patient but one time my kids just pushed it. It was the first day we started giving them extra homework. I don't even know how to describe how they were acting but I ended slapping one of them on the back of the head. Its not like it was hard or anything or that I really wanted to hurt him Some of the moms tell us "if my kids are misbehaving I give you permission to beat them" and we joke about it but seriously right now I'm in some trouble for that. They decided to suspend me from camp for awhile. I dunno whats gonna happen. Some prayers for this situation would be appreciated.

To end off I just wanted to encourage you guys to serve God.
I can tell you right now that there's a huge need at Urban Promise for some soldiers willing to fight for the Kingdom. If you don't have plans for the summer why not come devote one week, two weeks to serving these kids doesn't matter how old you are. If your graduating high school or in university and you want to do more for God there's an awesome summer intern program you can be a part of.
I'm not saying that you have to serve at Urban Promise I don't want to seem like I'm pushing it on you guys God definitely doesn't need us to do His work, but I'm asking cuz I want you to experience the blessings of God. How good it feels to live for others and love them more than you love yourself. We were made for it.
I used to think that I needed to hear a specific calling from God to serve Him and that would always be my excuse sometimes He does call us specifically. I know for me doing Urban Promise this year It was a clear specific call, but God also gives us a lot of choices in life. I can you that the more you invest in God the more He'll invest in you. I think I receive so much more out of serving my kids than what the kids that I serve receive.

Closed Down

They decided to close down my camp today for a week.
It was pretty crazy this week trying to run it by myself.

I also got suspended today for slapping that kid....

A Psalm

My soul thirsts for You
My heart longs to feel your presence

I delight myself in you
grant me the desires of my heart
I have committed my ways You
So let my righteousness shine like the dawn and the justice of my cause like the noonday sun.
Let all who see me know that You are with me
May they tremble in fear because You go before me in all that I do

The enemy shoots me with worries and fears
but I will wait upon you O Lord and trust in your ways.

Though my ways are thwarted and the paths of my life thrown into disarray
You O Lord knit them together
In You O Lord I find my life
For your love is better than life
You satisfy me beyond my understanding

Proclaim your glory and power through your servant
Exalt him from his humbled state.
For He wishes to please You
and wants to dwell in Your house
He cries out from the pain caused by our enemies
In his weakness he calls to You for healing

Do not forsake me O Lord in my time of need
Do not put your servant to shame
Though I am surrounded on all sides
and the strength sapped from my body
Let me not fall to evil.
Let me instead say
"Praise be to the Father for He is good"

Amen

All We Need

For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith. 5 And who can win this battle against the world? Only those who believe that Jesus is the Son of God.
-1 John 5:4-5 (NLT)

The only thing we need to do battle for the kingdom is faith.
From faith comes the armour of God and everything else that is good.

Through faith we receive salvation
Through faith we are justified
Through faith we are made righteous
Through faith our prayers are made effective
Through faith we receive the Holy Spirit
Through faith we believe the truths of the scripture
Through faith we are ready deliver the message of the gospel at all times
Through faith we can truly love

All we gotta do is hold on and believe. God does the rest.
Isn't that a relief?

If we only had faith
God could use us to:

destroy armies
save nations
call down fire from heaven
change water to wine
stand strong against a rebellious people
heal the sick
bring the dead to life
part the seas
slay giants
turn the hardest hearts back Him
save the oppressed
lead many people to victory
you fill in the blank.

Its in the times when God feels the farthest that He's actually the closest.
The times when it feels like He isn't working that He is working the most.

What would've of happened if:

Abraham decided to go back to Ur
Moses was to scared to talk to Pharaoh
Joseph gave up on God
Ester didn't have the courage to talk to the King
Peter was too ashamed to follow Jesus after his denial
Jonah still didn't go to Nineveh after being in the whale
Daniel didn't stand up to the king
David didn't believe that God would make Him king.

Keep the faith
Keep the faith.
Keep the faith

Unexpected

My supervisor's wife started labour the other night. He's having his baby a few weeks early.
So today was pretty much a scramble.
the placement student who works with us, Grace is going to being taking the next 2 weeks off as well.

OK I actually have to start working now. lol........

oemmgeee I love my kids I do but what to do?

Ok I Admit

I lost it today and smacked a kid upside the head....HARD
then he threatened to call the cops.

sigh*

We getting shot down.

Alright lets cut the "deep thinking" blogs for a change.
Here it is straight up:

Leaders at camp are dropping one by one for various reasons.

Today I found out that of our streetleaders who the youth love so much and look up to was suspended indefinitely. Details are unknown.

Also found out that another streetleader is starting night school so won't be able to work as well.

My supervisor is expecting his first baby so when that happens we'll he's going to be gone for a few weeks.

So I guess that leaves ....me to really have to start stepping up.

Not that I'm worried but more concerned
How are my kids going to feel when they find out someone who's been part of their life for so long suddenly won't be there?

Its hard already to run camp. With so few leaders it makes relationship building and mentoring scare because your trying to make sure everything is ok with everyone else.

There's been a lot of other struggles Urban Promise has been going through as a ministry. They recently had to close down Camp Peace due to financial issues. They camp has been running for over 9 years. I can't even imagine how that feels.

Amidst all of this I know its good cuz God does so much more when we're down so all the glory can go to Him.

Today I...

awoke to the constant buzzing of thoughts in my head.
The familiar voice of worry and fear welcoming me into another day of grace..of life.

I did not desire to get up, but I wanted to.
or I knew that I had to, to please my Father. Thats what I really wanted.

So I asked for the strength to start the day, but it didn't come.
Instead I had to force myself get up, to eat, to go to church..it was hard to focus this morning.

I started to see God everywhere I went.
I couldn't escape Him no matter how hard I tried.

I saw Him in the beauty of the innocence of childhood as I walked my kids home from church.

I saw His presence manifested into the thing we call family as I ate lunch with the family of one of my kids.

I closed my eyes but the thoughts in my head, the breathes that I took, the sounds that I heard...They all gravitated to Him.

Finally I went home drained from the mornings activites.
My soul desperately tired though I had plenty of sleep the night before.
I found rest in the presence of my Father as He showed me the manifestation of His love in my heart.

O how I wished and longed that I could stay in His presence forever not having to go back out into the world that has deprived itself of this necessity.

and He said that I could always enter His rest. The problem was the worry and fear and the endless buzzing of other idols that I let myself indulge in.

Indulge. You may ask Evangel why would anyone want to indulge in such things?
I say because we like to play God. A cheap thrill that feels pleasant but really not for soon we are trapped in a cycle of confusion and frustration as we try to will things that we cannot will into existence.

So on the bus I decided that I would much rather find the rest of my Father.
I thought to myself why don't I thank Him for what He has given to me instead of worrying about what He will give to me.

I thank God for
being able to speak, to think, the breathe that I took, the breathe that I am taking, The bus that I am on, the life that I have, the family that I have, the friends that I have, to be able to hear, smell, touch, see, to create, to have lived for this long, to know God, to walk, to run, to eat, to love, to laugh, to be with these complete strangers....O the list is infinite

I got off the bus and entered into what we would call a time of fellowship.
I saw God in lives of those around me as I talked to them, shared life with them.
I marvelled at the uniqueness of their being.
I saw His joy in the celebration of a sister's birth 16 years, as she enjoyed the presence of those God had gifted her to be with at this point in her life.

I felt His joy emanating directly to each person's heart, connecting them in a mysterious way to Him and to each other.

I decided to visit home today.
I felt my Father's love there too.

Everywhere I go I no longer feel strange but really I feel familiar.

Sometimes I feel like an observer looking in on the outside of humanity to marvel at His glory. Then I am reminded that we are all observers of His glory and that is what makes us human.

I Had a Dream

last night.

Where I was able to reconnect with everyone who I cared about the most throughout my short life.

but it turned out to be more of a nightmare.

I woke up sweating, breathing heavily.
People which I thought I had moved on with suddenly coming back cutting me, taunting me. I wanted to cry......but I couldn't.

Some people say time heals.
I guess in someways it does but really I think we just forget.
Too bad I don't have that gift. I remember everything very clearly.
It never fully heals. It comes back in short jabs like these.

To lose someone to death
is easier than to lose them to life.

at least in death you know that the relationship you had with them will still be there in the end.

but in life you become a stranger, an observer, a stalker almost
You still love but you can't express it the way you would like to.

You feel a bittersweet mixure of joy because you know that sommeone you love is happy
and also sadness because you know that you cannot be there to really share it with them.

The human heart is fragile it was never created to experience loss of love but to always be continually filled with it.

the temptation is to hate

but

God calls us to love
and to love in an imperfect world is to hurt.

A Peek into my Head

How do I want to feel?
How am I supposed to feel?
What do I really feel?

anger? hatred? bitterness?
I want to but I can't

all I can feel is pain
"the happiness I once felt"
- C.S. Lewis

I asked God when will it be good?
He said "only when you get to heaven"

I say "eff thats a long way away"

He says "its closer than you think, soon all this will seem like so little...."

Life is ruthless. It gives you no time to stop. It keeps moving no matter what happens good, bad it doesn't matter.

"delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart"
"In your presence Lord is where I want to stay"

Only in those moments can I rest

I used to think:
"When I grow up things will be better"

but I guess the truth is ...life is hard and challenging no matter where you are.

Sometimes you want to hold on so badly to life in its goodness
but really we have nothing to hold onto in the first place.

people come and go
some stay longer than others
but really at the end
Its just you and God

Nothing we have is ours.
Except maybe our hearts.

The truth is we have no control.
Whether we like it or not

What we can control is our reaction to what does happen
“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus” -1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

But then again maybe we can't

I want to follow God
but I can't follow God no matter how hard I try
So i need to ask God to help me follow Him
because I know that this is the best way for me to live
Despite any outside circumstances.

We praise Him in everything because He has given us
everything we need.

That is His very presence in our hearts
Really life is about realizing that God is all that we need
more and more as we experience Him more and more
and then helping those around us know Him more and more
from the love that overflows within us from the relationship we have with the Creator.

So I feel....
well does it matter?

I want.....
Too many things

God owns my life what can I do but accept it?
I mean its not like its really mine to begin with.

"This is the air I breathe
Your Holy presence living in me"

I think I'm going crazy or I'm already there.

=)