submission.

Have you wanted to cry, but you can't?

Have you known the answer, but you still look for an answer?

every part of you feels like you want to let it out,but nothing comes out; something holds you back

you know but you don't like it so you pretend you don't know trying to looking for something you like.

and you desperately try to just get it over with but its just stuck there
you can't concentrate or do anything because the feeling is ... there

but deep inside you know there is only one answer and the other answers aren't really answers just excuses.





submission is hard
if its easy.... your not submitting.

sacrifice is hard
if its easy...its not sacrifice.

To: My Generation

We have been given much benefits:
The power of technology, Access to education, Supreme living conditions, A safe country to reside in, Financial security.

Yet We fall short of the standards of our predecessors.
We irresponsible abuse these luxuries we take for granted.
Instead of utilizing them to their full potential,
We waste our time focusing on foolish things that will destroy us and the future of the......world.

Something needs to change.
We can no longer sit back and lose ourselves in the illusion that everything is ok.

Light

In a world that has no clear right or wrong
We underestimate the power of absolute ethics.
With no foundation the logical answer is chaos.
However everyone still has a set standard within themselves.
Thus the birth of Moral relativism.
Where the moral thing is dependent the on individual.
We cannot determine what is ultimately right and wrong
Only what is just for a specific situation.
We can kill if we are threatened to be killed
... but we still condemn those who kill out of any other reason.
Is our life more valuable than the aggressor? just because he wishes our death does that give us anymore right to live?
because really what makes us more deserving to life? Who decides this?
ourselves? but then we run into conflicts amongst ourselves.
There seems to be no answer.
We jump back and forth between absolute and relative ethics according to our own needs.
It is wrong to cheat because it is wrong.
It is ok to cheat NOW because everyone is doing it.

To be the light is to live a life with the standards God has bestowed upon us.
This is a GIFT a way to live the most excellent way.
Not a restrictive set of rules.
We must understand that by living by these standards good things will shine through for all to see and to be blessed.

Lament

When i was in elementary school i wanted to be a cool kid.
There is always that one group of kids that everyone wants to hang out with; The "cool" kids.....(funny, cocky, quiet, laid back)

-at recess everyone wants to be on their team
-during class every wants to sit beside them
-for group projects every wants to be in their group

Everyone would do just about anything to be a part of that group.

- talk about Nick and food.

I remember doing some of the stupidest things just so i could be "cool"
- right people
- right posture
- attitude

I think we all try to find a way to be cool growing up. or to be exact be accepted.

doesn't change when we get to high school
- people might change or the ideal group
-but in high school it gets worse? don't we try even harder?
- how many friends do you know who have changed drastically? or who your not friends with because they don't talk to you or because you can't really relate to them way back...when

You would think that as we get older maybe we wouldn't be as immature..but we do even stupider things we'll sacrifice:
- relationship with family/parents (curfew, lying, stealing)
- friends
- grades? try really hard
- health (drugs etc)
- we'll spend time doing things thinking maybe if only i can do this people will notice me...
- almost anything?

We'll also hurt other people for really no good reason to feel accepted.
- Kakit (pine cones)
- are we really any better? don't we gossip and put up cocky attitudes too?
- that girls such a.... but can we really judge?
-it seems like a vicious cycle to me.

We do things to be accepted that hurt people and those people get angry and make a big deal about it to get attention and on and on and on.........

IT NEVER STOPS.
It seems like we never grow up....

Isn't there something seriously wrong with that?
To give up almost everything too be accepted?
To spend so much time on relationships only have them not what we expected them to be..

Why do we want to be loved so badly?
Maybe that the real heart of the problem.

The theme for coffeehouse this year is Freedom.
So the question I raise is this:

What if were not really free?
IF we're really trapped by our want, our desire to be accepted conscientiously, subconsciously

What if there's more to life then what we perceive?
What if this longing that can't be seen physically but can be felt in our hearts is a sign that something's wrong?
What if there is something missing?
What if theres a whole dimension to life you never knew about?
What if.... it's God?

Survive

Another day
Hanging on a thread
Somehow still alive.
Fighting, crawling
barely getting by.

a miracle I survived.
only by His grace

Self.

Stop being immature you are not a child anymore
Grow up, this is more than a bit shameful.
You are chosen, set apart for a life with more meaning.
Than the endless, petty, foolish dramas that rot the lives away.

You know you're wrong, the one at fault.
The world is not there for you.
Incinerate those fallacies.
Live a life of love.
________________________________

Its hard to be filled and let go
When no one's truly got your back.
Why cant sometimes... just sometimes
We get a break?
instead of always sacrificing
doing this, doing that
___________________________________
Dear child the Father is watching
His Love is enough for us
Have you forgotten how he saved us?
and filled our life with joy?
He redeemed us from the pit
and renews us to soar like eagles
________________________________
It's just....
its not FAIR
_____________________________
You're being unreasonable
like a whining spoiled child
Let go of your jealousy
They are NOT yours
but blessings from the Father.
_____________________________
i am NOT jealous
____________________________
and your pride it eats away at your soul.
____________________________________
I'm ..scared
what if i get.....
_____________________________
Trust in the Lord.
__________________________
I am but i can't trust...... other people
____________________________________
Then that's your own fault.
Do not cause dissension and pain on others
because of yourself.
___________________________________________
........
__________________________
Stop running.
Hiding.
Pretending.
turning to other things
its .....disgusting.
not the Image of Christ
we pursue.
___________________________
they shouldn't know.
the truth.
______________________________
Its ok we were saved because of our brokenness.
He Loves us despite this fact
the truth will set us free....
________________________________________________
the truth ..is unsightly

Question.

and in the deepest part of your essence
you understand what should be.
what is ultimately the right
the choice that is at hand.

yet you still choose to ignore the truth
the fact that rings so clear.
there is no one to blame but yourself
for the ignorance that brings tears

many times we falter
many times we get struck down.
we lose the focus and still can't focus
even when we know we have lost the focus.
and we dont understand why we can't pick ourselves up.
there seems to be 2 forces and too many choices leaving our mind in chaos.

one part tells me its not alright something is wrong a little out of place
the other says the others crazy there is nothing more but what I see.

and in the deepest part of your essence
you understand what should be.
what is ultimately the right
the choice that is at hand.

DO I really? know? what is right?
the the answer to the question that rings in my head
how can i know if i haven't seen?
or if they're constructs of my mind?
or sub conscience constructs from outside?
Where is the objectivity to this subjectivity?

The absolute truth?
The first cause to the entropy of this universe?

What foundation do we have if we cannot be sure of the existence of the material?
nothing............

but faith.

Zero Hour

Its time.
Too many things are going on.
Way too many but a part of me still thinks I can do it all.
Logically I can if I kill myself and don't sleep but actually I just tend to turn the brain off and forget about it =)

If you stepped into my life ATM you would die.
Please try to:

1.Coach a softball team that has zero experience
- practices on Tuesday and Thursday 6-9 pm =)

2. Keep your grades up @ school which includes
- Debate on the ontology of humans
-final 15 minutes piano performance jury evaluation = 493094 practice time
-Composition written out in full score and recorded for multiple instruments.
- 30 minute presentation on Oscar Peterson
- lets not forget the actual exam part that has been moved up early especially for grade 12

3. Organize a coffeehouse for school this includes:
- working with the music team
- working with the drama team
- making sure people know what they are sharing about
- preparing and buying food
- taking care of forms
- ensuring transport of equipment ex. drumset, sound system
- getting list of ppl attending to school administration
- preparing something to share

4. Get ready to plan One Way drama

5. Arrange rides for softball tournament

6. Fill in forms for UP and get sponsors and references

O have I mentioned I have 1.5 weeks to decide for sure what im doing next year?

7. Organize Church Coffeehouse.

Im pretty sure i forgot something too.......

O right

8. Jazz Cafe
- practices for JAzz band Tuesday
-JAzz choir wednesday
- I also have to practice with my jazz combo for evaluations

9. ALSO Prepare bible Study for Charis.

10. Uncle and cousins coming over to stay at the house
= have to prepare house and host them

11. Find a JOB!

Soldier

its time to fight
the darkest night
drive the fear
with the light.

Kill all the pride
deep down inside.
Let not despair
fill your life

Hearts are torn
Sins are born
but He is Near
to be your might.

Keep Pressing on
Towards the dawn
We're almost there
no more strife.

Zoom

Zoom out see the bigger picture.
Beyond the small tragedies that we perceive.
See how God is going to work or how God IS working.Right now in this moment.

Its hard.

when things fall apart and it seems like there is no other way.
when it seems like we are losing, failing, being beaten down.
When doubts fill our minds and insecurities plague our hearts

Remember that it is not by our strength but by His that has the power to change
Not our desires or aspirations but His that is the best and most excellent.

We are but tools to be used.
The outcome is not in our hands.
"Good" or "Bad" it is in his plan
but His plan is always good.

The one thing we must do is let Him use us
To give up our pride and our will.

Not my will but Your will be done.
Only then can we be of any use.