Updates on My Spiritual Walk

How come I only find rest in Christ alone?
I'm starting to feel scared cuz this world no longer feels like home
Got no interest in anything else
I just desperately want to die to myself
But something inside me keeps holding on
So its this crazy battle it tells me something inside me is so wrong
I keep trying to kill it on my own
But deep inside my soul I know that freedom comes only from looking at the throne

I fear too much
to look long enough
to see enough
of who HE IS
to be filled enough
to claim his love
to be be free to love

What is this desire?
This burning fire?
to tell the dying people all around that
Christ is the only was to be found?
What is this deep distress that gives NO REST
(Not even when I sleep can I find ANY peace )
When I see the oppression
Our HUGE digression from what we were.
So my soul tells me to GO
but deep inside I'm not that bold
I'm at the point where I'm starting not to care.
If people think I'm weird
I'll look like a fool
If it would reveal the true fools
To come before the throne
and stop STOP STOP running away from home.
See I have messages, words strong desire and convictions sent to me by heaven
not the stuff they preach on Sundays, but the full truth that pierces and cuts deep
the stuff that makes people weep or say
that guys is nuts he's lost his way.

I don't think it's a matter of courage anymore
Its a matter of saving my life in serving the Lord
I feel the persecution coming so soon, so fast
Scared persecution and also of not being able to last
I can't do this on my own
JESUS JESUS JESUS SEND ME HELP THAT CAN ONLY COME FROM YOU ALONE.

The King of Glory

1 The earth is the LORD's, and everything in it,
the world, and all who live in it;
2 for he founded it upon the seas
and established it upon the waters.

3 Who may ascend the hill of the LORD ?
Who may stand in his holy place?

4 He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
who does not lift up his soul to an idol
or swear by what is false. [a]

5 He will receive blessing from the LORD
and vindication from God his Savior.

6 Such is the generation of those who seek him,
who seek your face, O God of Jacob. [b]
Selah

7 Lift up your heads, O you gates;
be lifted up, you ancient doors,
that the King of glory may come in.

8 Who is this King of glory?
The LORD strong and mighty,
the LORD mighty in battle.

9 Lift up your heads, O you gates;
lift them up, you ancient doors,
that the King of glory may come in.

10 Who is he, this King of glory?
The LORD Almighty—
he is the King of glory.
Selah

- Psalm 24

Slowly but Surely

God is working slowly but surely in the way that He works.
Today the guest speaker's message was EXACTLY what the congregation needed to hear. I felt like many hearts were challenged and convicted. I think I sorta expected God to do something BIG like complete ownage so I was really scared but it amazes me at how patient He is and how He works THROUGH all our imperfections. It's like He is slowly waking different people up all around the church in a loving gentle way, but hey who can fathom the will of the Lord? Maybe something IS coming up...... but no matter what

We need to keep praying for MCBC and be faithful.

The Churched and unChurched

I was reading my bible today lol and this verse came up:

James 2

1My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don't show favoritism. 2Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. 3If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, "Here's a good seat for you," but say to the poor man, "You stand there" or "Sit on the floor by my feet," 4have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?

I was trying to think if I showed favoritism. I think I pay extra attention to the "non-church" kids more and with the church goers I tend to push to the side thinking they're ok cuz they go to church. Then I realized that I was showing favoritism because the church going kids need Jesus just as much as the ones that don't on a regular basis maybe even more. I feel really convicted on this issue. SO yeah thought I would put that out there. I think in our heads we tend to create a barrier of "good kids" and "bad kids" and then we assume that the good kids are ok but they're not.

This is Driving me Crazy

UHS coffeehouse was tonight and I really felt God working. He definitely gave people OPEN HEARTS which is what we were praying for so PTL. I was also able to speak with boldness and conviction =)

A girl who I was evangelizing to the other day came and yeah shes hugged me afterward so that was encouraging.

The one thing that is sorta driving me nuts is the fact that I didn't do an "altar call" or give a chance to respond. The reason for it was I didn't want it to be "I stand up" and now I'm saved type thing but I wanted it to be a true conversion from the heart. So I laid everything out and told the audience that if they wanted to know God they had to go to Him themselves and repent. Then the thought came into my head "Evangel maybe you didn't have enough faith" and because of that you didn't do the altar call and God could've worked but He didn't cuz you didn't give Him the chance
On the other hand I know that God works when He wants and it doesn't matter what I do or say so pretty prideful to say that God didn't work because I didn't do something but still I feel guilty for not having enough courage or faith (which is the reason why) and so BLAH over the idea that potentially people's lives could've of been changed.

I think I'm just more distressed over the fact that people's hearts are so hardened and I so desperately want to so see them come to the point where they let God into their lives and it kills me there are like 94049 barriers and I can sense them all so sometimes it makes me want to systematically rebuke each one and say JESUS
except I don't that would really work.

ok that's my rant
I'm just gonna pray more. sigh*
It bothers me how life can get so busy and that I can't just spend my time in prayer and reading the bible.

Audrey

I had just finished taking a stroll around Fairview mall and now sat at the bus stop waiting for the 90 bus to come. The sun was shining and a cool breeze was blowing softly; an overall nice day. I looked at the bus stop, 20 minutes before the bus arrived. I figured I would work on upgrading my sword and memorize some of the Word. As I reached down into my bag, an elderly lady sits down beside me and asks me when the bus will arrive. I politely answer her question and we chat for a bit. I find out that she is 85 years old with 4 grown children and has many grand kids. They all live in different parts of Canada so she is alone with her husband. As I talked to her, I realized that she is from a whole different world and has seen it slowly change around her as she lived life. I felt like I needed to share the gospel with her so I kept looking for a chance to bring up the topic. I was able to ask her about her beliefs and found out she grew up at the people's church. I knew right away that she wasn't a believer though. She would say things like "I should start going to church again " and "I see so many religious people who are happy" there was such a huge spiritual force keeping her from believing. I mean she KNEW everything she grew up at church but none of was brought to life. The bus came and I figured "Hey I can't do anything about it I mean I tried its not like if I preach to her some more its gonna make a difference" So I said bye and pretended that I was going to sit on another part of the bus.

But.... As I sat down, mad convictions came upon me. "Evangel this woman can die at ANY time now and she has NO ONE in her life to share the gospel with her. This is probably going to be the last chance EVER that someone will be able to minister to her" So I was like ok I sat down beside her and boldly asked "So where do you think your going after you die" She said "No where you just die". I asked "So you don't believe in Heaven? She answered "Well it would be nice to know there is one" I felt like her heart and her head weren't connecting. So I asked "What do you think is keeping you from believing?"

She told me she had a very high IQ and that she thinks too much. She knew her heart. Pride and unbelief was the barrier. We talked about life. She had the wisdom of an old lady, of someone who has seen all there is to life and understood that it is all the same. It never changes. I could sense she could feel the light in my heart. She told me "Your going to grow up to be a great husband and father. You would make a great minister as well I wish you could meet my granddaughter you would be a good influence on her. She's 18 and only cares about her looks. You know how they are at that age. Kids need so much these days" I was able to share the gospel with her in simple and short way after we started talking about human nature and how we're supposed to "do unto others" but we can't seem to follow that rule too well.

I asked if I could pray for her and before she left I could tell that the Spirit was working in her heart because she said to me "Thank you you've done your job. You have given me a lot to think about" She kissed my head and left the bus. In that moment I no longer saw an old woman but I saw her spirit. I can't really describe it but I think I saw her as God saw her. I was able to see through the outward appearance of an aged body and see the vibrant spirit of a woman seeking the Lord. It was a beautiful blessed moment. PTL
I am praying and I hope to see her in the Eternal Kingdom of God.

sO I'm Supposed to Preach

The gospel this Thursday.
OK I need to take it SERIOUSLY and NOT wing it. OEMMEGEEE
Some prayers please

Where My Heart Is.

So today God was really at work in Pneumatos
I never really stop to think where my heart was at but now that I think about it...

Its for all the church goers and church kids who go to church cuz that's what they've been taught to do their whole life, for the church kids who grew up and then realized that its not really their faith, for the for middle class Asians who have everything but Jesus and are trapped in high pressure Asian culture and for my family.

Its so overwhelming.
Its hard to express how heartbroken I am for them.

Living Among the Dead

It hit me so hard yesterday busing late at night. I was literally a living person walking among a pile of dead bones. Usually late at night theres not a lot of people on the bus but one of the buses that pulled up to the station was jammed packed full of people like during rush hour. I thought to myself "if I walked on the bus and started preaching the gospel would God bring life to these people" I walked on the bus and it was full of teenagers who were high. Inside was a few drips on blood on the floor. Apparently there had been a fight. The police came and the bus had to be stopped. It struck me at that point that the world that we live in is completely evil and opposed to God which scared me so much and made me so much more thankful for God's grace in my life. It also reminded me at how hard being a committed Christian is.

Sometimes I get thoughts telling me "It's ok to stop now you've done enough. Look at the other people around you they're Christians and they aren't like you. So what makes you think you have to do so much? Why don't you wait for them to catch up so then you won't feel as alone"

and then I remember that I need to keep moving and not fall asleep and at the same time encourage others to keep running as well.

Colours

The colours of God are beautiful.
They are seen in us. When we worship and give glory to the Most High.

We are the temple of the the Living God, the place where He dwells.
Where His majesty is displayed through our outpouring of praise.
When we experience His Divine presence we have to express it.
It is how we were created.
The image God is reflected through worship.

That is the relationship we are to have with Him.

If we could see what happens in the spiritual world when we truly worship it would be sooo SICK~
Too bad there are so many things in this world that keep us from worship.

Ok it is hard to explain this but yeah I tried =)

So Dry Down Here

Father why is it so dry down here?
Is it cuz we're lacking prayer?
Your Spirit power is waiting to be released
Be open vessels to unleash
The Spirit's anointing in our lives
Come and receive power from on high
Like the holy saints and martyrs of old
Come take up the cross be BOLD
Cry out and shed tears
We need to break the stronghold of fear
and the King will HEAR
Look to Zion its day is near
We'll see miracles like in the days of Acts
Revival like none in history past.
When we start to pray
Satan is so afraid
Cuz we're no long going on our own strength
We're finally connected to His wavelength
When we commit to fast
The evil one won't last.
are you ready to take on this task?
To take a stand
and live for the Kingdom that is at hand?
cuz everything else is sinking sand
In this dry and weary land
Where there is no water
Depend on our Heavenly Father.
He'll take you where you need to be
Despite any animosity
WE ARE FREE!

Wherever it blows....

Sometimes a person can know everything and really want to believe
but doesn't want to believe because they HAVE to but because they want to

There's SOMETHING that God does in someone's heart that makes it CLICK.
That makes it REAL and PERSONAL to themselves.
You can witness and preach salvation 935490 times over....
but...

if the Spirit does not breath LIFE into the bones
if The Father does not draw them to Himself
then nothing can happen

The Spirit must give birth to spirit.
and the Spirit blows wherever it pleases.....
If we call and cry out to Him, He will hear us and send us power from on High....but until then we are powerless.
So when your preparing event where the gospel is going to be preached...PRAY
forget everything else

No drama is gonna bring someone to God
No music
Not the speaker

only
the Spirit

So don't waste too much of your time practicing on those things
Start doing something that matters...pray.

I really believe that most conversions don't happen at the altar call.
Some do and sometimes God chooses to move and that's when a revival happens
So prayer is the only thing we can do and if He wills He will also use us to lead someone to the foot of the cross.

No Fear?

Everyone in this is world is a slave. They're either slaves to sin, or slaves of Christ. Our "rights" are in the hands of Jesus.

The world can do nothing to a Christian who has no fear of man.


The people who really suffer are those who never experience God's presence.
The way to have God's presence is by walking through hardship and suffering - the way of the cross.
-Brother Yun

Sometimes, all the time I go through a list of "things I would be willing to do for God" and then I feel guilty cuz honestly I wouldn't be willing to do that much for God and yet He asks so much from us.

Its crazy cuz I long for God's presence but I feel like I can't come to Him because I'm not good enough that He'll demand something from me in exchange.

LIES from the Devil.

The Lord allows us to suffer so we can come nearer to His presence and in the times when were not we should give thanks that He has shown so much of His grace in our lives.

When I really think about it. The heroes and martyrs of Christianity were people like you and me. There was nothing in them that made them more courageous or zealous for God. Its not anything in them that made them love God like they do. It was God who completely by His grace changed they're hearts.

So whom shall I fear?
That actually blows my mind.
I get shivers thinking about it.
but God is still good, always.