Staff retreat.
it was intense for me.
For everyone else it was a time to relax and spend time with God, but God had other plans for me.
where do I start?
On the way up I listened to a sermon on seeing God in the everyday common things.
Every little interaction, action, person everything in life.
As Christians, I think we have the wrong idea that God can only be experienced in supernatural ways.
God is in the common the everyday. As Christians we should be constantly "waking up" to His presence to what He has been doing without us even realizing it.
I prayed "help me to see You in everything"
The first message or rather sharing was about Peter his confidence, collapse and his cry.
Peter was so confident that he would be able to follow Christ to the end on his own strength, but he failed and in that time of brokenness he cried out to God.
I think that this was me. In my head I knew that I needed God but in my heart I didn't think I needed him. I thought "its only a year not THAT long"
That night I was just really uncomfortable.
The next day I listened to another sermon on "The Story" how God is the center of all things, the main character and that its not about us.
To take this message to heart is a hard thing. We always like to think of ourselves as the main character. We hope that things will work out for us in the end, when in reality we have no control. Maybe that's why we like to watch movies and dramas because we know that in the end it's going to be ok.
That night God did crazy things.
He orchestrated everything together to the smallest detail.
I don't think I can really explain everything in words.
We were getting to know each other asking questions to one person on a "hot seat"
A lot of of questions were asked funny, shallow, personal, deep. On one occasion a question was asked that brought to surface a struggle with a loss. The person was a second year intern; she started crying.
Its funny because the songs we sang for worship were song about being happy in painful times
"Blessed be Your Name"
"Trading my Sorrows"
As we continued to worship the Spirit manifested itself in the room and it was so strong in my heart that I started crying and couldn't stop.
The message: I love you for who you are and with all your sins. I love you even though right now your holding on to a lot of things and don't love me as much as you should.
I was humbled for many different reasons.
One was just for having God's presence so close to me
I was given a note from the intern who was crying. It was from God.
The first part of it went like this:
"To answer your question:
1. When God asks you to do something hard He will stick with you as you are doing it and as you deal with it afterwards"
and so began a long night of confusion, struggles, suffering. I didn't know what my "question" was
I was so scared because I didn't know what it was that God wanted me to do. I thought of so many different thing; crazy things.
Was it something I had already done? and God was going to be there for the "afterwards"
or was it something that I was going to have to do?
The one thought that screamed in my head:
"I want to go home, I want to go back to highschool, go back to my church"
It was then I realized that I couldn't do it I really couldn't. I wasn't the main character.
but I knew that I couldn't go back I had to keep going forward and that the only way to do that was to admit that I couldn't so that God could.
Christ in the Common.
Something else I realized:
God is in every good thing. In the common. Now that I'm gone I realize that in my family, in my church at TC the love there was a part of God's love manifested. It was so common that I didn't even notice it until It was gone.
but I also realized that God has given me another family to be a part of or not another family but another part of the family UP.
The rest of the note said:
" 2. God wants to teach you and show you amazing things if you'll only listen
3. God can do anything beyond what you can imagine"
I can't do it I can't let go but God still loves me and chose me.
