God Spoke to me.
With my internship coming close I didn't really feel anything. I just knew it was coming. A lot of it was because I would be close to home. I would be able to live far enough to live away from home but also close enough to still be in my comfort zone. I had a lot of plans to do things part time during my internship: TC, Softball in the summer, Triumph. I also planned to go to fellowship at MCBC during times I had off and come visit friends and such. Urban Promise started to become secondary to the relaxing year I had planned for myself.
It wasn't until these past couple of days that things changed.
Yesterday I went to the university men's cell. It was fun we chilled, played video games and ate food. We also had a bible study on dreams, ambitions and God's plan.
1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual[a] act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:1-2
This really spoke to me. We were talking about God's will for our life. A lot of times we get the idea that we should do something while waiting for God's will. In other words put what we want ahead of God's, but this verse tells us to sacrifice those dreams first and to put on the mind set of God first before we can know what God's will is. For me I wasn't ready to give up the plans I had.
Its easy to trust God when things are bad or aren't looking to get better.
Its hard when things are going fine and looks like its going to get better.
Today I had my interview for the Student Coordinator position. It was chills answered questions was really comfortable. Before I left though Gord Poon (one of my interviewers) asked me "is your heart in the right place, because you can't have two hearts." He told me how he did an internship at ETCBC and how they have fellowship on Friday's and how his old church's fellowship was on Saturday. He wanted to help at his old church out until he had this problem. This really made me think about why I wanted to serve at TC this year, it also made me question the other commitments I decided to take on. Were they for God? or really just for me?
With this internship God wants me in 100% I can't have my heart elsewhere I need to be focused. It should be like I'm moving far away. Being so close will only make things harder because I have the choice......the choice to run back if things get rough. So there's no going back. When I'm gone I'm gone.
Tonight I went to part of a bible study at RHCBC. The topic was characteristics of a Godly Servant. The story was of David, Nabal and Abigail. (1 Samuel 25)
A few ideas were: Loyal, Hard working, humble, persevering, committed, willingness
I am a servant of God, do I possess these qualities?
With this new mind set in place. I'm starting to feel excited, sacred, anxious.
There's no turning back. I'm going to have to adjust to a new lifestyle, new culture, new people. I won't be able to rely on the friends I have here. I won't be able to come back on off days. I have to be committed to God's calling. A lot of things will change and I'm scared because I don't know how its all going to turn out but I have to trust in God because I have already gone this far. It would be stupid to drop out halfway through a race.
I have to let go of my plans and be ready for whatever God throws at me.
I also have to take care of things in my life now so I can start with nothing holding me back.
