So here I was just living my life, didn't think anything was horribly wrong or missing. I believed in God I guess yeah something about the cross and yeah there was a point when I was like ok I will start trying to live for God cuz everything else seemed so ...boring and I did and things were pretty good.
Then one time, well more than one time God decided to take His.....uh hand? probably more like pinky finger and touch me and...... suddenly everything was different.
So there were the "small times" where He sorta filled me so hmmm how do I explain it He overwhelmed with His Love and instilled a part of His heart in me and then there was the time it was crazy started prophesying and then....
Suddenly everything was just wrong. Everywhere I went it was wrong. I wanted to do something about it and it made me so upset that I couldn't do much about it and even if I could it wouldn't make much of a difference in all the wrongness around.
So I guess all I could was pray and pray and pray and sometimes I just didn't know how to pray cuz my words don't do justice to how ....WRONG everything is.
and I don't like to say this but I just pick it out naturally. I walk in the room and feel this air of wrongness or sometimes wrongness being healed or in those rare occasions what I like to call "Sanctified moments" God completely owns all the darkness =)
I think I just don't know anymore.
I mean its everywhere
in myself
in others
in the way we interact
every little thing
but the cool thing is that
God's grace covers it all and HOLDS IT ALL.
So whats my point?
Well I think the point is God's grace
The point is suddenly one day God was like BAM
and I was like WOAH and I was changed.
and I pray for everyone around me that someday God will BAM them and they will be like WOAH
and its cool cuz I hear stories of people receiving visions, hearing a voice, healing people, seeing angels and thats how God went BAM for them and they're all just as good no matter how "big" or "small" God loves His people all the same so I don't compare cuz it seems to me that the big BAMS = serious hardcore calling and I'll admit it I'm a noob and would be quite alright with not having to do that.... well yes and no
the truth sets you free but it also makes you seriously depressed?
and yes there's the love of God and how good He is
but frig theres also the question why me? I'm no different than the person who lives next to me, or the person sitting next to me on the bus or the person that passes me by in the grocery store........ and then you realize thats what grace is and it makes you want to desperately cry out for God to show MORE grace
cuz really he holds everything in His hands
scary huh?
lets be serious the glory of God is just this hugeeeeee concept that I think we need each other to help grasp. So one person experiences the joy and someday down the road I will too cuz "we shall see Him as He is"
the whole Earth will be filled with the knowledge of His glory as the waters over the seas. but for now I'm just stuck with His ownagingness which is cool but you know makes most people uncomfortable cuz they don't want to hear that most of the time and it makes me slightly depressed all the time and makes me cry out for GRACE all the more cuz were at His mercy.
Last thought:
I get quite a few compliments/ encouragements and about how uh "godly" I am LOL
and I used to feel a hint of pride in that, but now I realize that its all God and rather I feel blessed that He raised me up to be a light. We're all getting there and because we believe and are chosen we're in a sense already there. Its just in this awkward in between faze that there seems to be a level difference and dang I'll be ashamed if I don't use the grace to serve God and lift others up toward Him.
for a "man can only receive what is given to Him from heaven" and "3For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you."
I love to hear stories and testimonies of how God has raised up like SUPER LIGHTS to do His work haha and its really my joy to see others grow into Christ and deepen their faith!
ok I am done.
