born in a Christian home
but Christ wasn't on the throne
always felt so alone
but never wanted to be home
church was just another formality
thought it was all about morality
thought I was a Christian
though I didn't know Him
Hate so much hate
never really did appreciate
the family that I had
always fought with dad
damn he made me so mad
anger burning anger hot like the sun
but didn't know where it came from
just flowed from my heart
cuz I had such a rebellious heart
there was this barrier keeping my heart from love
didn't even know so kept filling it with useless stuff
it was never enough
so obsessed
thoughts so messed
24/7 my mind lusting
dark thoughts run deep
of sexual intercourse in my sleep
never stopping constant dropping
didn't care about who I was stalking
finding delight in all the falking
one sin links to another and then the next
the root of that sin was in something deeper yet
something I want so desperately want to forget
Don't want to confess
My greatest regret
it started off so right
i had a set life
Inside my head I thought I had a wife
the one thing that became my soul delight
close relationship crossed the God line
Into idol territory is how I would define
started to use and emotionally abuse
blinded by possessive silent jealously wanting her all for me
raging anger cut deep, let it seep to pile up and heap
tears flowing from her eyes I would never forget those cries
except I was still pretty dead inside
so all I thought was compromise she deserved to.....die
summer came around
confused feelings didn't know how to sound
in front of her so kept ignoring her
mixed emotions anger, hate, fear, shame
deep in my heart I wish I never let the sin take reign
but now it had me tamed
so softball became my new middle name
used it to drown all the pain
couldn't think the same
Finally at the end of the 2 month hell
God had mercy and decided to ring the bell
I knew deep inside my soul something wasn't right
so I took the courage summoned up all my might
decided this time I would be a man and fight
the truth was I kept trying to hide
cuz I didn't want to hurt my pride
didn't want her to know who I was deep inside
scared that the relationship would be fried
but I confessed and finally asked for forgiveness
I saw my sin it all its ugliness
I repented and turned away
Told God I no longer wanted to be that way
and was in that moment God told me
the relationship couldn't go on it was time to move on
soul cut deep
I pleaded please just let me keep the one thing I didn't want to do
didn't think I'm gonna make it through
days flew by by
weeks went by
months passed by
still kept trying to hold on
God patiently telling me I got it all wrong
many times I lifted it in prayer
and every time he said LET GO there's nothing good here
I must confess the flesh was beating in my chest.
Trying to break me, to destroy me.
My soul desperately trying to break free.
Second by second the Spirit against my flesh
So tired I needed some rest
Heart in chaos, different thoughts filled my head
I try to go to bed but....
SLEEPLESS NIGHTS, TERRIBLE FRIGHTS
I KEPT SCREAMING FATHER TURN ON THE LIGHTS
He kept saying hang on we're almost there
I'm taking you to a better place so don't fear, I'm right there by your side.
Wipe away these tears that you've been trying to hide
I warned you following me wasn't going to be a pleasant ride.
I said I can't do this I'm done, can't run this race set out before me
Not as strong as those who ran before me.
Just let it end now and kill me
He says I know you can't do this, your weak
but I'll be the strength that you seek.
it was too late couldn't go back
No choice needed to hold on till I got there
where? everywhere, anywhere
I don't care, but not hereI don't care, but not hereI don't care, but not here
I don't care, but not hereI don't care, but not hereI don't care, but not here
Persevere, Persevere, Persevere Persevere, Persevere, Persevere
Persevere, Persevere, Persevere Persevere, Persevere, Persevere
Almost there? I think I see the light don't know been let down too many times
felt the Spirit
Going deep down to the depths of heart setting it right
So alone, I moan
feeling each cut down to the bone, burns like hell
paralyzed can't move
hurts so much want to puke
want to cry, can't
don't want to think, can't
forget trying to rhyme
can't express intense pain
God where the F*** is your healing rain?
being driven insane
it was during those dark times
that the I got crazy tastings of the Divine
Finally was able to see the light of Christ shine
His love overflowed in my heart and became mine
Don't know what happened don't know when
but somehow everything was burned away
to what you see today.
constant struggles
but I emerged from the rubble
God became my only hope
cuz I had nothing else in which to hope
I was at the end of my rope
I hung on
I clung on
He took everything away
So I could find the WAY
now all I have is Christ
He's my only life
everything else in life seems so vain
when I compare it to His glorious name
I live to bring Him fame
cuz I've truly been changed
everything in my life rearranged
Now only God reigns
but the story keeps going doesn't end here
keeps going till I take my last breath and finally get there
Let me tell you each day is a new battle
filled with its own trials
got a few seconds of rest
only to be pushed to another test
so many burdens weigh heavy on my heart
so much darkness don't know where to start
so many fears holding me back
so many evil spiritual attacks
but amidst these things Christ is still shining
taking ground in His perfect timing
As I carry the cross
I feel Him restoring the lost
righteousness we were meant to be
so we can look at the glory that we were meant to see
To be set FREE
and then finally be united with Christ eternally
