Around in a world not my own. I feel out of place in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I am slowly going crazy. I see things that can't be seen. I sense things I can't explain. My heart is in anguish at the sin all around me. Why can't the people see the gravity of their situation? I feel sick. I need to get away. The Holy God calls to me commanding me to WAIT. While the evil one tempts me, discourages me, mocks me, his lies POUNDING in my head. "Give up, your worthless, you deserve to suffer". My mind thrown into chaos as I struggle to pray, to focus, to find rest. Day after day night after night, I sleep but find no rest. My eyes give away my weariness. I phase in and out of the reality in my head and the "real world." Believing that the one I read about is more real than the one I see. Confusion overtakes me as I try to make the two fit together with one another to little avail. Then I understand that they fit together perfectly its my imperfect grasp of both that causes me to fear or rather my unwillingness to accept my complete uncontrol of anything.
TC is coming up. I feel SOMETHING happening. I know that its going to be a hard trial. So I try to prepare myself for battle: Memorizing scripture, immersing myself in prayer asking others to pray....thats all I know how to do. Except I know that its already started. So that the glory of God can be revealed we must decrease so Christ can increase and be given all the glory.
