How do I want to feel?
How am I supposed to feel?
What do I really feel?
anger? hatred? bitterness?
I want to but I can't
all I can feel is pain
"the happiness I once felt"
- C.S. Lewis
I asked God when will it be good?
He said "only when you get to heaven"
I say "eff thats a long way away"
He says "its closer than you think, soon all this will seem like so little...."
Life is ruthless. It gives you no time to stop. It keeps moving no matter what happens good, bad it doesn't matter.
"delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart"
"In your presence Lord is where I want to stay"
Only in those moments can I rest
I used to think:
"When I grow up things will be better"
but I guess the truth is ...life is hard and challenging no matter where you are.
Sometimes you want to hold on so badly to life in its goodness
but really we have nothing to hold onto in the first place.
people come and go
some stay longer than others
but really at the end
Its just you and God
Nothing we have is ours.
Except maybe our hearts.
The truth is we have no control.
Whether we like it or not
What we can control is our reaction to what does happen
“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus” -1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
But then again maybe we can't
I want to follow God
but I can't follow God no matter how hard I try
So i need to ask God to help me follow Him
because I know that this is the best way for me to live
Despite any outside circumstances.
We praise Him in everything because He has given us
everything we need.
That is His very presence in our hearts
Really life is about realizing that God is all that we need
more and more as we experience Him more and more
and then helping those around us know Him more and more
from the love that overflows within us from the relationship we have with the Creator.
So I feel....
well does it matter?
I want.....
Too many things
God owns my life what can I do but accept it?
I mean its not like its really mine to begin with.
"This is the air I breathe
Your Holy presence living in me"
I think I'm going crazy or I'm already there.
=)
