awoke to the constant buzzing of thoughts in my head.
The familiar voice of worry and fear welcoming me into another day of grace..of life.
I did not desire to get up, but I wanted to.
or I knew that I had to, to please my Father. Thats what I really wanted.
So I asked for the strength to start the day, but it didn't come.
Instead I had to force myself get up, to eat, to go to church..it was hard to focus this morning.
I started to see God everywhere I went.
I couldn't escape Him no matter how hard I tried.
I saw Him in the beauty of the innocence of childhood as I walked my kids home from church.
I saw His presence manifested into the thing we call family as I ate lunch with the family of one of my kids.
I closed my eyes but the thoughts in my head, the breathes that I took, the sounds that I heard...They all gravitated to Him.
Finally I went home drained from the mornings activites.
My soul desperately tired though I had plenty of sleep the night before.
I found rest in the presence of my Father as He showed me the manifestation of His love in my heart.
O how I wished and longed that I could stay in His presence forever not having to go back out into the world that has deprived itself of this necessity.
and He said that I could always enter His rest. The problem was the worry and fear and the endless buzzing of other idols that I let myself indulge in.
Indulge. You may ask Evangel why would anyone want to indulge in such things?
I say because we like to play God. A cheap thrill that feels pleasant but really not for soon we are trapped in a cycle of confusion and frustration as we try to will things that we cannot will into existence.
So on the bus I decided that I would much rather find the rest of my Father.
I thought to myself why don't I thank Him for what He has given to me instead of worrying about what He will give to me.
I thank God for
being able to speak, to think, the breathe that I took, the breathe that I am taking, The bus that I am on, the life that I have, the family that I have, the friends that I have, to be able to hear, smell, touch, see, to create, to have lived for this long, to know God, to walk, to run, to eat, to love, to laugh, to be with these complete strangers....O the list is infinite
I got off the bus and entered into what we would call a time of fellowship.
I saw God in lives of those around me as I talked to them, shared life with them.
I marvelled at the uniqueness of their being.
I saw His joy in the celebration of a sister's birth 16 years, as she enjoyed the presence of those God had gifted her to be with at this point in her life.
I felt His joy emanating directly to each person's heart, connecting them in a mysterious way to Him and to each other.
I decided to visit home today.
I felt my Father's love there too.
Everywhere I go I no longer feel strange but really I feel familiar.
Sometimes I feel like an observer looking in on the outside of humanity to marvel at His glory. Then I am reminded that we are all observers of His glory and that is what makes us human.
