A bit about my life...
When I look back on my Jr. high/early high school years the thing that consumed me the most was: pride and self ambition.
Growing up in my old church the person I looked up to the most was my fellowship counsellor. To me she was the coolest person ever. She played guitar, drums, bass, piano, sang and she was in a super cool band that had a few albums released. She was the person who encouraged me to start playing an instument. I guess you could say I started getting into music because of her. So i started learning guitar then swithed to playing bass.
I remember practicing open string picking and scales for hours on end. I would sit at home with a metronome clicking away at 60 bpm playing whole notes.
I brought my bass with me on vacations and just sat inside the resort practicing.
I quickly realized that I was getting good fast. My teacher never praised me though because he knew I was getting too cocky. He would always pick on the smallest things that I did wrong "O that one note wasn't clear start agian" "your thumb is showing, stop having crappy technique"
This pissed me off and fueled me to go home to practice even more to show him off the next week.
The one thing I remember my teacher saying to me is "Your the fastest learning student I have had but don't let it get to your head you still have a long way to go"
Something you should know about me: I want the best, I want to be the best.I won't settle for less. Im not easily satisfied
In the back of my mind it was my goal to be better than my teacher.
In the back of my mind i wanted to make a band even better than my counselor's.
So I started grade 9.....
Right away I made some jamming buddies.
but I wasn't satisfied, they weren't good enough to be in my band.
They had nothing on me when it came to music.
-I did end up playing in the school's battle of the bands.
-Starting writting songs
started doing worship ....
Everytime I was on the worship team in my head I would be criticing the other team members "drummer's off time, has crpapy fills" "guitarist has no chops" etc.
I thought of being on worship team as a chance to improve myself to experiment musically.
End of grade 9
I got the chance to fill in as the bassist for Level 7 (counselor's band)
They were gona play a concert In panama and some of the memeber's couldn't make it.
I leveled up like crazy practicing and playing with them.
They were seasoned performing musicians SICK
Grade 10:
I joined TC worship
I also improved alot and I learned how to separate worship and performance in terms of music. I learned the "heart of worshiping"
I really thought that God wanted me to do something with music after doing TC worship.
SO i also transferred to UHS an ARTS SCHOOL. I really hoped that i would be able to find muscians that were good enough to start a band with......but i was disappointed.
They were all claassially trained. in other words: noobs
The one big thing that happened this year:
I left my church. My counsellor had been trying to help me along in my musical carreer. She helped me form a band and helped me record a few songs but I wasn't satisfied with the people. So i told them striaght out: "I don't want to work with you I think you suck. I wanna do my own thing" So I decided to go explore... to find the right people. I wanted more....
I talked to my counsellor before making my choice but in the end I chose as she said to be "a loser" HAHA She said something like she "can't look after me anymore"
and i was ok with that.
When I look back on my choice it was one filled with pride and selfishness
I lost something important that day but I didn't really realize it.
I hurt alot of people and I'm sorry for that. If i could go back I wouldnt have said somethings but i would have made the same choice because this was a part of God's Plan.
The next part of my life wasn't the best part. I did alot of things... and lets leave it at that. =)
I guess at one point I realized the truth and how pointless my ambitions were.
and so I began the journey to find God and His purpose for me...
I started going to MCBC and got to be part of the church.
and I grew and learned and had many other experiences.... that help me to grow as a person and in God.
The funny thing is:
As i started getting to know God and his purpose for me
I started to do music less and less
It makes me sad becasue it is definitely something i love to do
I would love to start a band and have the songs that i've written be played and heard.
For now I'm called to do other things.
Maybe someday God will have a use for the musical gifts he has blessed me with.
but for now I say good bye to my dream...because I know that God's dream for me is better.
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Yesterday I went to my Counselor's (now Pastor) Wedding.
I saw my old church friends and I guess a part of me regrets leaving. At the same time if I didn't leave I would not have met the amazing ppl at MCBC and i would not be the person I am now. So haha its trade off.
Seeing my counselor getting married really made me think about the future and what plans God has for me. She moved away to go study in Calgary, so last night was probably the last time that I would see her for along while. I wish I could talk to her and tell her the amazing things that God has done in my life through her.
I guess I'm gona have to wait until we get to heaven or if im lucky if she comes back to visit.
The other cool thing that happened last night was that I was able to see for the first time the different plans that God has for different people. I was sorta able to understand the job God gave to my counselor and the I was also able to compare it to mine and how different the ministries are. And then i thought about it some more and it sorta blew my mind away because its all for God's kingdom in the end. I dunno It sorta made me go "wow" at how awesome God is. How the body is soo huge and how its so different but at the same time its stil the same body.
OKKK so to end off my super long blog
At the weddding I was able to say goodbye to my childhood.
I bid farewell to the last "phase" of my life
I thank God for the people who were there.
I think I'm ready to move on now to other things, to greater things.
Joyce and Jon
I hope we meet agian.
In Christ,
Evangel Tam.
