Impulse strikes
I was bored.
So i decided to go for a smoke.
my friend happened to have cigarettes.
and a lighter
and we were tired of studying.
it was wrong? yes.
Your body is a temple of God
Be a good steward to what God has given to you...
In everything whether in word or deed do it in the name of Christ.
Funny thing:
i knew the whole time that God was there....
I had a hard time lighting the cigarette
not just a little eventually my friend had to light it for me
and but that time she was done half of hers so she just switched with me.
so i only ended up smoking half of it
....but i just tuned the voice out because i wanted to be amused.
it was weird cigarette minty...
After the smoke:
did i feel guilty?
just a little
but i did think of why i didnt feel horrible
was it because my soul was corrupted?
I came to this conclusion:
everyday of our lives we commit a crime agianst ourselves and God (sin)
but we do it soo much we don't take notice
Checking someone out" technically is a sin
talking out someone in a negative way
not doing homework
skipping class
eating in class
they all seem stupid and insignificant no?
but the truth is...its all the same.
a little bit, a lot
who measures how "sinful" a sin is?
only the sinner
cuz its the same in God's eyes
no matter what
sin will still corrupt the soul bring suffereing and ........death.
diffeent stages? yes.
but the disease is still there
You can't say
Othat person has HIV
but its not AIDS yet
soo they're not sick.
So I am the worship coordinator of KNA
I run the youth prayer meeting
I share about what God has been doing in my life.
and I sin.
There is this impossible expectation that as a leader in the church you need to be perfect
if that were true then no one should be a leader
I am not trying to justify sin.
So sitting around after
a thought crossed my mind
"maybe i should just give up theres no hope, i mean if me a person who is supposed to be more Godly then the rest of KNA.. screwed up then were all screwed"
but thats not the point
the point is:
that I know i have a problem called sin
and i want to be free from it.
I've tried doing my own way and it doesnt do much
it just ends up bringing more pain.
So i want to live the way God called me too
but of course ... there is a struggle against myself
its a process im learning
but the cool thing is i can still talk to God
because of Jesus
I am thamkful for that everyday
