Tonight I saw many things.
Tonight I saw through a different perspective. I saw for the first time what was always there but not always seen.
Here is my New Year's Eve story:
I did not really plan anything for New Year's Eve. I sorta thought that things would just happen to work out, so I did not really worry about it till night of.
I called a few friends to see what they were up to and I ended up going to a gathering at a really rich girl's house. It had: Four garages, indoor swimming pool. indoor squash court, indoor sauna, hot tub, mini gym, mini bar just about everything. It turns out that the people there were the grade 11's from RHCCC. I saw a few famililar faces from SNA: Jowelle(MC) and Emmanuel (drummer). Didn't know anyone else and it was a little awkward since there weren't that many people (i thought it was an actually party lol) but I was already there so what else can I do but make the best of the situation I'm in. So of course I didn't talk much, took time to get to know the dynamics of the group. (like 12 ppl) So it was church gathering or church friend gathering we went to eat and yea hmm I dunno if it was just cuz I was there and no one really knew me and im an intimidating person.. but no one prayed. Someone brought it up... but how can i say this everyone was too embarrassed? I think after like 10 minutes of "no you pray" Someone prayed ..but more as a joke than a prayer. like the mood I got was "im ashamed to pray I feel like a loser but ill pray because i have too"
The thing that sorta threw my off was the fact that there was a lot of swearing in the conversation and perverse coversation topics/jokes. This was coming from the kids who did SNA. Its not just a few ppl but pretty much everyone. I could feel that people were doing it just because they wanted to fit in. (many fake laughs)
The whole night I saw a group of people who were TRAPPED.
They were insecure and wanted to feel accepted. I could that they wanted to look cool but they were the most sheltered kids ever. They thought drinking alchohol was the cool so they tried hard to get some and drink it. just because (it was pretty funny/sad)
I saw the weirdest couple. The guy was just really horny and i swear just felt up the girlfriend the whole night. The girlfriend clearly didn't like the intense amount of physical contact but didn't say anything and smiled and pretended like it was ok. But her ....body language, her eyes gave it all away. I wondered to myself "if she didn't like it why did she let it continue? was it because she didnt want to make the boyfriend angry? because she needed something to depend on? is this really how a relationship should be like?"
The boyfriend, funny guy I think he thought I was cool or something cuz he sucked up to me the whole night. I wondered to myself "the girl is so pretty why would she go out with a jerk like him" This guy he spent so much time putting up this image, this barrier. There wasn't one time were he was "real"
.....It wasnt even the cool image it was more of a childish/stupid one. I dunno the point is it was fake.
What I saw:a group of people caught up in lies.
It was sad, depressing and a part of me wanted to take their fake world and smash it to pieces. They were asleep.
Yes a part of me wanted to do it but the other part couldnt cuz the other part of me was also trapped. I know it seems like all i have been doing is judging people but im not this is just what i see and i know im not better im just as messed up as anyone of of those guys.
Our generation, my generation is desolate
it was been without
TRUTH, LOVE
GOD
for far too long
our generation is dying; if we do not do something it will soon die.
the harvest time is here, the harvest time is now.
its time to wake the sleeping souls.
no more illusions
its time for reality.
GOD do you hear our cries of pain? We long for your LOVE
yet we do not even believe you exist.
FORGIVE US WE ARE FOOLS
WE ARE NOTHING
I want to help save my generation
but how can i if i cannot even save myself?
FATHER, FREE ME SO I CAN FREE OTHERS
USE ME CHANGE ME I AM YOURS
THERE IS NOT MUCH TIME LEFT.
WE NEED YOU
WE WANT YOU
WE CRY OUT FOR YOU
EVEN though we say the exacte opposite sometimes....
WHY DO YOU STILL LOVE US?
HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP
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