I have officially lost it.
I am so tired.
so much brokenness around me.
People are open but the faith to be healed isn't there or hasn't come yet.
So it ends up being a support group rather than a fellowship.
and it scares me that people think I'M "passionate" (I hate that term) for God.
I'm not even close and it shouldn't even be that way. Its pretty evil how we put people up on pedestals of spirituality. It hurts both parties. The person being put up is now cut off from a normal relationship because they are supposed to be "better." The person putting up gets hurt because they compare themselves and may be led astray. Its hard enough trying to not be prideful and to focus on the cross. It makes it a lot harder when you start being judged. Either as "spiritual", "extremist" or just plain crazy.
Which I admit I am (when I look at it from an outside perspective)
You don't want to see me pray and when I mean pray I mean actual prayer. When I pour my heart out to God. I tend to jump and stomp my legs and wave my arms about frantically while screaming/shouting my prayer items. Sometimes I'm flat on my face, other times arms are stretched out. Most of the time its not in english its in.... well I'm not sure "Evangel" language I guess but I always feel that God hears my prayers afterwards so I can feel a little bit at rest.
So yeah
