Yesterday = some crazy spiritual warfare
I was in a deadlock
laziness, apathy, fear overwhelmed me.
anyways this is my story......
I knew I needed to come before the Lord to pray but I was too lazy and kept procrastinating eating food, sleeping, listening to Christian hip hop.
As I was listening to this song.....
and the Spirit revealed to me the Holiness of God and the fear that the Israelites had toward Him in the Old Testament. Finally all the weird things that they did made sense in such a real way. In spite of that I still ignored going to God.
Finally I forced myself except I didn't really pray with everything so I had to force myself. I also felt like ..... my prayers were useless and pointless and that God wouldn't hear them or that I was so sinful and it kept me coming to God
So I started to meditate on 2 Timothy.
For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. 7For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
2 Timothy 1:6-7
1You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.
2 Timothy 2:1
15Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.
2 Timothy 2:15
I started reflecting on the grace of God and how all encompassing it is.
To be strong in the grace..... means to let yourself receive that grace
then I thought of how much God has blessed me with so many Spiritual gifts and how I wasn't really fanning it into flame. Then I thought of how everything that I am is by the grace of God all the good that I have been able to do for Him. So then I started to realize that God does everything and thats when my prayers started to come to life and I was taken to throne of God and I suddenly realized that His infinite holiness still stands today and I started to get scared except I remembered that the righteousness of Jesus was imparted to me so I stayed and reflected on that.
I was too scared though frig the sinful part of me wanted to sleep so I went to sleep. But I was still meditating on all these concepts and then suddenly bam
The Spirit brought a part of my spirit into His presence. It was so powerful, all encompassing and it kept getting stronger and stronger and I thought in my heart no more God I can't take this and it stopped.
I learned though that you can't escape God only ignored Him Psalm 139 still stands true for all of us to this day. I also learned that time is irrelevant when it comes to the Father. Its all about your heart and faith. Time is a space of grace created by God in order that we might seek Him.
I am so frustrated at how dull my heart is toward God so much of the time and I am distressed that so few people fear the Lord.
