Hours tick by and still I'm here
thinking of this one thing that I fear
longing comes while unaware
again I'm stuck in a cycle of despair
Freedom is something I should have attained
but seems that I'm actually chained to this one thing
though not a sin; an unhealthily obsession to my life
Life not mine, I should shine but still in line ....obsessed
Cut the chain, no more pain. May you reign .... a test?
Still holding Im eroding my life its folding I .... confessed
STOP its driving my insane, this is NOT a GAME
Consumed by these thoughts
I know : This a part of me
Its ugly
but its the truth
not a twisted reality
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Fire
Hebrew 12:28-30
28Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, 29for our "God is a consuming fire."
Consuming Fire
it only takes a small spark to get a fire started
once that fire has taken place and starts burning it produces LIGHT and WARMTH
I believe that the spark has already started to take hold.
Yet there are soo many things that can put it out.
Let the fire spread
May this generation be the one where miracles are seen
Where lives are changed
People see and hear
and understand
but sometimes I gotta ask
Where is the fire that once burned soo brightly?
fire can't burn without something TO burn.
it needs fuel, a medium
WE Christians are the medium that God chooses to use
If there are so many of us then why isn't this WHOLE WORLD consumed in God?
Why isn't the fire catching on?
Is it because we're wet?
that is the only explanation
too drenched in sin
drenched in selfishness
soaked in fame
soaked in pleasure
Imagine if we could just get a small fire going?
If we could dry ourselves?
What amazing things could happen? can happen?
Will happen?
I see a Church that is burning so brightly it attracts people like bugs to a bond fire.
A church that prays, that shares, that burns everything it touches.
wouldn't that be AMAZING?
"Set our hearts on fire"
28Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, 29for our "God is a consuming fire."
Consuming Fire
it only takes a small spark to get a fire started
once that fire has taken place and starts burning it produces LIGHT and WARMTH
I believe that the spark has already started to take hold.
Yet there are soo many things that can put it out.
Let the fire spread
May this generation be the one where miracles are seen
Where lives are changed
People see and hear
and understand
but sometimes I gotta ask
Where is the fire that once burned soo brightly?
fire can't burn without something TO burn.
it needs fuel, a medium
WE Christians are the medium that God chooses to use
If there are so many of us then why isn't this WHOLE WORLD consumed in God?
Why isn't the fire catching on?
Is it because we're wet?
that is the only explanation
too drenched in sin
drenched in selfishness
soaked in fame
soaked in pleasure
Imagine if we could just get a small fire going?
If we could dry ourselves?
What amazing things could happen? can happen?
Will happen?
I see a Church that is burning so brightly it attracts people like bugs to a bond fire.
A church that prays, that shares, that burns everything it touches.
wouldn't that be AMAZING?
"Set our hearts on fire"
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Tried
Today was a struggle.
I'm so used to God just making everything easy?
All I have to do and trust and He makes amazing things happen.
I knew that it wasn't always gonna be that easy
I was hoping that it would last a little longer.
but its seems that I am once again being pushed to change to grow.
When I talk about God so many times it just flows out of me like a waterfall
and I can feel God speaking through me.
Today as I was sharing, every word was a struggle to get out. Maybe it's because I didn't prayer enough or prepare better. But I don't think that was it because I did pray. I sorta felt this was coming. God was saying...."ok...its time to take off the training wheels"
Even though there were awkward silences and times when it seemed like people didn't get it. I still held on to to promise that God was there and that he was in control. When we started to get into groups I didn't know what to expect. I felt like I had failed, yet I still had faith that God is good. We started to share first about small things and as we were sharing this girl in my group really opened up and started to cry and talk about her struggles and pains. In that moment I knew that this was part of God's plan. I didn't know what to do so I just prayed for that girl. It wasn't a deeply moving or spiritual prayer. It was a clumsy stuttery prayer. Through this girl I was shown how God loves everyone.......and how I have just been treating people as objects more than anything. I saw that every person is loved by someone and most importantly God.
Sometimes God doesn't work in ways you expect he humbles you but his work is still done.
I always knew that. I am still believing that God is in control.
I know that harder things are coming.
I just pray that I can overcome these obstacles
I'm so used to God just making everything easy?
All I have to do and trust and He makes amazing things happen.
I knew that it wasn't always gonna be that easy
I was hoping that it would last a little longer.
but its seems that I am once again being pushed to change to grow.
When I talk about God so many times it just flows out of me like a waterfall
and I can feel God speaking through me.
Today as I was sharing, every word was a struggle to get out. Maybe it's because I didn't prayer enough or prepare better. But I don't think that was it because I did pray. I sorta felt this was coming. God was saying...."ok...its time to take off the training wheels"
Even though there were awkward silences and times when it seemed like people didn't get it. I still held on to to promise that God was there and that he was in control. When we started to get into groups I didn't know what to expect. I felt like I had failed, yet I still had faith that God is good. We started to share first about small things and as we were sharing this girl in my group really opened up and started to cry and talk about her struggles and pains. In that moment I knew that this was part of God's plan. I didn't know what to do so I just prayed for that girl. It wasn't a deeply moving or spiritual prayer. It was a clumsy stuttery prayer. Through this girl I was shown how God loves everyone.......and how I have just been treating people as objects more than anything. I saw that every person is loved by someone and most importantly God.
Sometimes God doesn't work in ways you expect he humbles you but his work is still done.
I always knew that. I am still believing that God is in control.
I know that harder things are coming.
I just pray that I can overcome these obstacles
Faith
Who can have faith?
Really truly believe
What is faith?
"believing in that which we cannot see, certain of what we hope for"
Sometimes with faith alone amazing things can happen.
Faith has a power that surpasses all reason and logic
Some say faith is foolish why trust in something that you cannot see?
but I say why put your trust in something that will not last. That is uncertain?
because when you have faith you are 100% certain that it is true; that it will happen.
of course this raises the question of if what you put your faith in is real.
We all put our faith in something/someone.
Whether it be ourselves, others, money, power, pleasure, relationships, God, humanity, logic, knowledge
it is a fact of life
We believe that these things will bring us meaning, purpose, happiness, fulfillment
but as we grow older and learn, gradually we see that in somethings our faith was placed wrongly.
As we see the mistakes we have made we move on and find something else to put our faith in.
It repeats until we find THE TRUTH.
Soon faith becomes reality or illusion
and it is no longer faith but truth
of course there can only be one truth.
Still faith is needed because not all is revealed only some
Really truly believe
What is faith?
"believing in that which we cannot see, certain of what we hope for"
Sometimes with faith alone amazing things can happen.
Faith has a power that surpasses all reason and logic
Some say faith is foolish why trust in something that you cannot see?
but I say why put your trust in something that will not last. That is uncertain?
because when you have faith you are 100% certain that it is true; that it will happen.
of course this raises the question of if what you put your faith in is real.
We all put our faith in something/someone.
Whether it be ourselves, others, money, power, pleasure, relationships, God, humanity, logic, knowledge
it is a fact of life
We believe that these things will bring us meaning, purpose, happiness, fulfillment
but as we grow older and learn, gradually we see that in somethings our faith was placed wrongly.
As we see the mistakes we have made we move on and find something else to put our faith in.
It repeats until we find THE TRUTH.
Soon faith becomes reality or illusion
and it is no longer faith but truth
of course there can only be one truth.
Still faith is needed because not all is revealed only some
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Learning to Love
A lot of people look up to you they see you as role model to be followed.
In some respects they are right.
So full of energy you are able to make friends easily. You bring life and colour to an otherwise boring conversation. People see you as a confident, unselfish, caring person.
You are able to pull people in with your charisma, to make them feel special and loved. A gift many dream of having. Your peers respect you. They value your opinions and advice you have to offer.
They hear you speak of God of how amazing he is and they see the JOY that is seen in your life as you talk and socialize with them.........
Don't abuse your gifts.
"He who is given much, much will also be demanded"
But they don't see what I see.
Sometimes I see .....things that are not so good
Instead of a person full of confidence
I see a cunning actor wearing a caring mask
Instead of one full of insight i see
a spoiled kid to sheltered from the real world to be able to empathize with the lost
At times you can be very selfish
At times brutally ....cold hearted
At times very... immature
At times clueless on how to handle your relationships
but who I'm I to judge?
we all have our dark moments. our flaws...
Yet I am finding it hard to put up with you.
I sorta wanna just be angry because really you are not being fair
You are being very stupid....grow up.
Be real
Love is NOT an easy thing to do....
Many times we get distorted images of what love is.
Love is not a "feeling"
it doesn't just happen
it takes time to develop
Love is (or part of it is) caring for someone unconditionally.
not easy to do
Love is best portrayed in Christ
HE loved and he tells us tells ME to love
so I am learning to love
not only you
but everyone else in my life
big and small
Today I was reminded again how much love is needed in this world.
I was reminded that there are so many people out there who need love.
People who are hurting, in pain but hiding.
and I am reminded that God loves all of these people.
it blows me away.....
SO even though I feel like everything but showing love
I can love because God loves his love lover overflows into my life.
This is proof that God exists.
I am learning to love.......
1 Corinthians 13
In some respects they are right.
So full of energy you are able to make friends easily. You bring life and colour to an otherwise boring conversation. People see you as a confident, unselfish, caring person.
You are able to pull people in with your charisma, to make them feel special and loved. A gift many dream of having. Your peers respect you. They value your opinions and advice you have to offer.
They hear you speak of God of how amazing he is and they see the JOY that is seen in your life as you talk and socialize with them.........
Don't abuse your gifts.
"He who is given much, much will also be demanded"
But they don't see what I see.
Sometimes I see .....things that are not so good
Instead of a person full of confidence
I see a cunning actor wearing a caring mask
Instead of one full of insight i see
a spoiled kid to sheltered from the real world to be able to empathize with the lost
At times you can be very selfish
At times brutally ....cold hearted
At times very... immature
At times clueless on how to handle your relationships
but who I'm I to judge?
we all have our dark moments. our flaws...
Yet I am finding it hard to put up with you.
I sorta wanna just be angry because really you are not being fair
You are being very stupid....grow up.
Be real
Love is NOT an easy thing to do....
Many times we get distorted images of what love is.
Love is not a "feeling"
it doesn't just happen
it takes time to develop
Love is (or part of it is) caring for someone unconditionally.
not easy to do
Love is best portrayed in Christ
HE loved and he tells us tells ME to love
so I am learning to love
not only you
but everyone else in my life
big and small
Today I was reminded again how much love is needed in this world.
I was reminded that there are so many people out there who need love.
People who are hurting, in pain but hiding.
and I am reminded that God loves all of these people.
it blows me away.....
SO even though I feel like everything but showing love
I can love because God loves his love lover overflows into my life.
This is proof that God exists.
I am learning to love.......
1 Corinthians 13
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Pray
Pray when times are good, when times are bad
pray when you don't feel like praying
pray when you want to pray
pray continuously unceasingly
pray when things don't seem to be happening
pray when things are happening
Pray when God can be seen
Pray when he can't be seen
In all circumstances pray
Pray for those:
Who can't pray for themselves
for those who don't know how to pray
for those to weak to pray...
pray for those who are hurting
pray for those who are sad
pray for those who are rich
pray those who are poor
Pray for the happy
Pray for the broken
Pray for whats on your heart.
Pray for who's on your heart, your mind
you PRAISE, you cry out
Pray with faith
with expectation
with belief that God is GOOD that he is in control
pray with all your being
Pray with anger
Pray with sadness
Pray as you are....
come as you are
Only through prayer can lives be changed
Only through prayer can miracles happen
Only in God is the impossible possible.
Pray knowing that you are being heard that you are loved and forgiven
Pray with respect and reverence
Pray with thankfulness and awe
Pray knowing it is a privilege
When its hardest to pray; pray the hardest
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
16Be joyful always; 17pray continually; 18give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
pray when you don't feel like praying
pray when you want to pray
pray continuously unceasingly
pray when things don't seem to be happening
pray when things are happening
Pray when God can be seen
Pray when he can't be seen
In all circumstances pray
Pray for those:
Who can't pray for themselves
for those who don't know how to pray
for those to weak to pray...
pray for those who are hurting
pray for those who are sad
pray for those who are rich
pray those who are poor
Pray for the happy
Pray for the broken
Pray for whats on your heart.
Pray for who's on your heart, your mind
you PRAISE, you cry out
Pray with faith
with expectation
with belief that God is GOOD that he is in control
pray with all your being
Pray with anger
Pray with sadness
Pray as you are....
come as you are
Only through prayer can lives be changed
Only through prayer can miracles happen
Only in God is the impossible possible.
Pray knowing that you are being heard that you are loved and forgiven
Pray with respect and reverence
Pray with thankfulness and awe
Pray knowing it is a privilege
When its hardest to pray; pray the hardest
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
16Be joyful always; 17pray continually; 18give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Nothing
humble me
I am easily filled with pride.
You have created us equal and yet sometimes I think I'm better than other people
I forget that it was only by grace that I was saved and only through you that I am what I am
The gifts you have given me are AMAZING
and I thank-you for them I would not want to be anything else than who I am.
somtimes i take too much credit for what you have blessed me with.
I can't stop judging every person I come in contact with
I seem to be able to make an endless list of flaws in each person
and also an endless list of good things
but sometimes its hard for me to look at them as just people that You Love.
"This person has this problem"
"This person need to ...."
let me see me as I am.....nothing
reveal to me once again my weaknesses
expose me for who I really am
so that I can be useful to you
so that I can love as you LOVE
I am easily filled with pride.
You have created us equal and yet sometimes I think I'm better than other people
I forget that it was only by grace that I was saved and only through you that I am what I am
The gifts you have given me are AMAZING
and I thank-you for them I would not want to be anything else than who I am.
somtimes i take too much credit for what you have blessed me with.
I can't stop judging every person I come in contact with
I seem to be able to make an endless list of flaws in each person
and also an endless list of good things
but sometimes its hard for me to look at them as just people that You Love.
"This person has this problem"
"This person need to ...."
let me see me as I am.....nothing
reveal to me once again my weaknesses
expose me for who I really am
so that I can be useful to you
so that I can love as you LOVE
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