Today is the end of a 21 day fast I was involved in with a group of passionate believers at York. We're contending for Revival! No meat or sweets, media. I decided to cut dairy and eggs too. So my diet consisted mostly of hummus, rice, choi, rasins and nuts. It has been AWESOME getting together to pray everyday and to cry out to the Lord all night on Fridays. The Spirit has really poured out His blessings on us.
I don't even miss the food I gave up, God is SO MUCH BETTER! In fact, I feel so much more energetic and meat sorta seems gross to me now XD.
The Lord has really helped me grow in these past few weeks. He has given me so more revelation as well as strength to witness and serve in His name. When I look back on a few weeks ago compared to now, the fruits of the Spirit have increased quite a lot and it makes me so happy that I am being changed to be more like Him! It was such a struggle to love other belivers and to be humble. In one of our meetings it was prophesied that I needed to humble myself and that God want to do great things through me. This was actually prophesied twice by two different people and I have been getting that prompting in my heart. I still struggle to be humble but now I find that my love has truly increased for them, this is reflected in the fact that I no longer "give up" on them but I'm able to bear with them more. When spiritual attacks come or when sin starts to creep up with extreme feelings of envy, hate or lust, He protects me from them and I can feel Him surrounding my soul so that I don't have to be trapped by all these feelings and spirits from hell.
The Spirit is so much stronger in my life now, The way it manifests in my being is more frequent and for longer periods. I am still confused as to what to do in these times though. I also find that I am naturally praying more and more everywhere I go.
A part of me is actually really scared because I know that I'm going to end up doing something crazy things for the Lord and that is going to lead to persecution.
The truth is I'm SCARED. I'm scared of the jealous feelings other believers will have when they see the amount of grace the Lord has given to me.(I know this because I get like that too and I hate it) I'm scared of being alone, of losing friends that are not walking with the Lord. I'm scared of belivers who just think I'm out of it. I'm just scared of what people think and thats the truth. But what scares me the most isn't what people think. I'm scared that they won't ever be able to understand and experience God in the way that God wants them too! I'm scared for them, that when they die and truly see God they would regret their whole life for the rest of eternity.
I'm so thankful that God has placed me at York where there are believers who understand me and accept me and are like me.
There are many things I don't understand. For example, why not everyone who believes? How come the Lord brought me so far and not others? God's grace is the same for EVERYONE! I haven't done ANYTHING. So one of the conclusions that I have come to is that people have just settled and are MISSING OUT on THE FULLNESS OF GOD. This makes me really sad. They are THORWING AWAY THE GREATEST TREASURE EVER FOR VAINITY. The world is so DECEITFUL.
Father in Heaven,
Hallowed be that name. May your name truly be revered and KNOWN, Not just tossed around.
May you be gracious to us let the light of Your face shine on us.
Let my generation catch a TRUE GLIMPSE of YOUR GLORY.
