Chosen

Keep me safe
its hard to follow the right path when they all look so similar
its hard to discern whats safe, whats dangerous
Sometimes you don't know fire is dangerous until it burns you....

The whole world seems to be against me
Even I am against me.
Theres something wrong with you if you don't drink
Theres something wrong with you if you don't gamble
Theres something wrong with you if you don't bend the rules a little.
Theres something wrong with you if you feel guilty about doing any of the above.

Sometimes I wonder if really just bending the rules a little bit would hurt.
Everybody else is doing it. They seem to be having fun.....

Whats the point in living such a "pure" life and not enjoying it?
Hard questions to ask. Hard to find answers.

Leviticus 20:26
You are to be holy to me because I, the LORD, am holy, and I have set you apart from the nations to be my own.

Satisfaction.

It's not that I don't want to, It's not that it doesn't feel good.
Its just that I've seen something MORE
I've seen a life thats not bound to .....
A life thats not bound to unspoken rules
A life thats ......FREE
A life that has SOMETHING that I can't explain but it seems amazing!
Its the thing that I know that I've been missing and that I desperately cry out for.

Do you get what I'm saying? Maybe you don't. Maybe you get it a little
Maybe what I'm saying just seems completely insane to you.

its also the fact that it doesn't last. Its temporary. It isn't the answer, its a mask
an aspirin, but the question is still there.
ALONE it comes back QUICKLY tune it out listen to music, watch T.V.| DON'T think abut IT|
Why are we so afraid of it? Why are we scared of silence?
look deep, deeper.... let go

Its like this:
I found something better.
and well its almost impossible for me to show you because what I've found is invisible.
Its indescribable but if i tried to explain it to you, you would thing I'm crazy
I really just want you to SEE it but I can't do that.....

What I can do is show you how this "thing" has changed my life.
Changed it soo much that I don't want to live like everyone else.
Its like I don't really belong anymore.

its not a bad thing
Its the best thing thats ever happened to me

2 Corinthians 5:20
We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God.

Time

The ever growing... growING, GROWING
change beautiful
fluid;not static
every moment different
enjoy these times
happy, sad, boring, calm, exciting, nothing
each is a part
STOP and take in this moment
breathe.
it will not be there in a year, month,day, minute, or second
you are taking part in a miracle
a wonder too great to be comprehended
OH how COMPLEX
how CHAOTIC
it does not wait
it keeps going constant steady (keep up or you'll be left behind)
IT can separate
IT can reunite
unpredictable
unfathomable
life intertwined within its very fabric

or really is it not but an illusion
for what is time?
can it erode our very being, nature?
it can it can
but really does it destroy our existence
only when I reach the end of this grand ADVENTURE PHENOMENA
will it be revealed

Lukewarm

Nations fall and people change
Still they think we're all deranged
Yet still they come back every week
What is it that they truly seek?

Please stop and choose a side
because this is not a free ride
Don't come and fake a smile
When really your in denial

Scoffers scoff

but don't
lie

Don't
FAKE

Don't
Pretend

When really you don't care
When really you don't believe

I would rather you come into church as an
Atheist
Satanist
Buddhist
Rapeist

But please don't come in as a "Christian"
and mock God

don't come in as Christian
and swear while people are praying
laugh when others are sharing
talk about vulgar, obscenities in the sanctuary

its disgusting

If you think God is stupid then don't come to church.
If you don't want to pray and worship then why do you come?
Come back when your really ready to repent and know God.

God is a God of love but he isn't a God who can be played.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Come if you seek Him with all your heart.
Come if you want to be free from sin
Come if your truly ready to change

Trust

its hard to leave it in God's Hands
when you seem to have a better plan

but I guess thats how God works
He does what He wants
and when you to trust in Him it turns out soo much more than you hoped for or could imagine

not "trust" but when you leave every aspect of w/e your doing to him
and all you do is what you can do... which is not much

but most of all pray for whats in your heart pray continually unceasingly and God will hear your prayer

Only God can change lives, only God can open eye


Worship night was a test a battle in my soul
it was soo hard to trust
when everything seemed to be going wrong
not according to my plan
I wanted a longer prayer time but everyone left
I want these songs to be played
I wanted the music to be played like this
I wanted to share this
I wanted God to work like this

but in the end I knew the truth that God had to be there or nothing would happen
even if the music was amazing or anything else it didn't matter

so I left it God.
at first I could sense a HUGE wall of harden hearts people unwilling to open themselves
People who didn't know GOD who had no clue what fellowship is about
there was a HUGE unseen battle of hearts of wills of soul

and I felt defeated I wanted to cower in fear hide behind the curtains
It seemed like God wasnt there
like he left us to die, to look stupid

but deep inside I knew that I trusted everything to him. The night was his
and if that is what he wanted then soo be it.

I started to pray and we started to pray and cry out to God to reach into the hearts of the lost, the hardened
and he answered, he moved and worked
THANK YOU GOD

I felt it when Evelyn rebuked the fellowship there was POWER in her words it was CRAZY it was so intense I started to cry at the GLORY AND POWER of the HOLY SPIRIT.
and the CONSUMING FIRE SPREAD

still some hearts stayed hard unscathed by the flames.
and I pray for those hearts.

others were broken down and renewed, revived
and I pray for those hearts

and yet others started to see the light to feel the heat
and I pray for those hearts

and of course there were those who just sat and looked in from the outside
and I pray for those hearts

I don't know why God didn't break everyone because he can
but i trust in him

EMo Love Poem (because Evelyn wrote a poem so then i wanted to write i poem because I was bored)

Call my name, quench this pain
This dry soul it needs some rain

Always listening for your voice
These desert thoughts are not my choice

Spinning, Spinning round and round
Waiting to drink in your sound

Stop this cycle set me free
My parched throat is killing me

Its hard to love when all you get
Are empty echoes of self regret

Still onward I will persevere
because true love does not disappear

Christian

I'm not better, maybe I'm a little worse

I feel hurt, pain
I got dramas, girl problems, anger issues

I'm human.

Some people question why I live my life...... soo good? pure?
I don't swear, smoke, drink under aged, have premarital sex, steal, lie, cheat....

But the truth is my life isn't that "pure"
Sometimes when I'm pissed off I swear
When I'm feeling down maybe I'll have a few drinks
When I'm stuck on a test its so easy to look at the paper next to me

My life isn't perfect
BUT I AM striving to make it perfect

WHY?
not because Ill go to heaven

but because i believe thats the way we're supposed to live
The way God wanted us to live
living like that is the beginning of finding my true purpose
in life

being Christian is not about living a perfect or even good life its about
making choice to do all you can to stop sinning to stop doing whats wrong

but most of all its about knowing God

Strong

I am STRONG
strong like a leaf blowing in the wind
strong like a butterfly caught in a net

I am soo strong I can pretend everything is alright
I am soo strong there's nothing wrong with me

I am soo strong I can keep others from seeing my problems
I am soo strong everyone thinks I'm strong

I AM STRONG

Are you strong?

I am weak
weak like ..........
weak like a crippled solider held up by his commander

I am weak I know its not alright theres soo many things that are just going wrong.....
I am weak but I know that I can persevere because God holds me up

I am weak but I am not ashamed to say that I got problems, hurts, struggles
I am weak but I am not weak

Are you weak?

Relationships

yesterday, today, tomorrow
the same?
different?

TIME
IS A FUNNY thing

its always moving, every second something is happening......changing

We all have our different paths. We don't know what the future will bring.
We meet new people
Forget others
Forge new friendships
Lose Others
Some people don't stay in your life for too long.
Others stay a little longer....

But the fact is: eventually those relationships will end.
and yet we all want to keep those who are dear to us forever.
do we fear death? or really is it LONELINESS that we fear?

"Till death do us part, As long as we both shall live"
.......a line that has lost its meaning in today's society
Its sad........ its not supposed to be like this.
We say we love but really do we love? What is love?
Love is supposed to be FOREVER
But most of the time it doesn't last for even 50 years. and theres always SOMETHING wrong messed about the relationship: he's controlling, she expects me to do everything, he doesn't do enough for me (i can go on all day)

How can it last forever if we die?
I mean when we're dead do we still love? What do you believe?

There are SO many people out there each one DIFFERENT, distinctive
Every person you meet has their own ideas, opinions, personality, body, humor, you name it
Every person you meet impacts your life...
Some in a big way
Others in very little way.....

Its actually AMAZING
Every person is different, in every group of people (ANY) there is a different VYBE of interactions
Each individual brings something new to the group.
Removing just one person will totally change the chemistry.

NOW THINK of all the people in the world and think of the possible combinations
you can have groups of 2,3,10,13,100,100000 and with different ppl well the combinations are ENDLESS

its ART. its CRAZY, It blows my, minddd
it can't just end with DEATH

there has to be more.

Where is God in this?
God is the one being that we can have an eternal relationship with, he created us.
We were created for relationships!
First with GOd
Than with other people
GOD understands who we are 100% at our core
We all want to get closer to ppl but it seems like there isnt a person who is able to understand us completely.

We were created to live forever
ISN't that why we all want to NOT DIE .....we want to keep going

but theres something that messes all that up.
SIN

we all know what it is:
we know whats right, whats wrong
How things are supposed to be.
and we see that its NOT

Killing=bad
rape= bad
stealing= bad

Sin is what HURTS us and yet we still pursue sin
its what screws up our relationships
WITH PEOPLE and WITH GOD
but the problem is were chained by our sin we cant stop and even if we could the damage is done. its too late........

But GOD wants us to have relationships the way its SUPPOSED to be
HE LOVES us
he sent his Son to save us from our sins
so that we can have that restored relationship with him.

BEcause GOD conquered death and sin
we can too if we repent of our sins and turn to GOD
sooooooo we can finally Have the relationship we NEED

Waiting

Waiting.
patiently
knowing

that Greater things are coming
all the struggles, tears and prayers

Will be answered,
have not been in vain.

Already I see signs of LIFE RENEWED REVIVED
its coming
Don't know when.
but SOON

this is just the start
its the time, the generation
where God will reveal himself to the nations

Acts 2:16-18
16No, this is what was spoken by the prophet Joel:
17" 'In the last days, God says,
I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
your young men will see visions,
your old men will dream dreams.
18Even on my servants, both men and women,
I will pour out my Spirit in those days,
and they will prophesy

The beginning of the end....
The great finale to the greatest story in existence...

I'm ready to see MIRACLES
too be part of the story.....
To see God heal the broken

To see his name be glorified

Amen

a World

where people are equal
where people do not judge
where people are real

no lies
no masks
a place where people are who they were created to be like
where they see don't see there uniqueness as "weird" but they see it as something special that only they posses

where no one is trying to be like anyone else
where people put others before themselves

no messed up relationships
no unnecessary hurts

where people accept others as people not as nerds, geeks, ugly, pretty.......
where people see that there isn't a huge difference between us at all

WHERE PEOPLE CAN LOVE UNSELFISHLY

can such a world exist?
we can all picture the "ideal" world
but we can't seem to make it a reality

IF we know what the world SHOULD be like....
AND if we know that the way things in the world are now isn't the way it should be..

or is it? What part of us inside can tell that something is desperately messed up?
rape, stealing, murder? according to science shouldn't these be good things?
Well I mean survival of the fittest, evolution. Theoretically looking after yourself seems to be the thing that keeps you ALIVE, hence the organisms that only looked after themselves and i guess didn't care about the well being of others survived and hence that "gene" got passed on continued to exist

or thats what I learned in biology (someone correct me if I'm wrong).
and yet humans are pretty selfish ppl soo that does make sense

but the thing that doesn't add up is this concept of right and wrong.
the issue of how love can exist
why are we soo damn different?

I mean you don't see the Animal police arresting lions cuz they just killed a deer
If animals eat each other of the same species what makes it soo bad for people to eat each other?

aren't we only several DNA's different from animals?
why don't animals have relationships? do they?

Humans seem to be separated into two parts that contradict each other

Whats the answer to this mystery?

God?
Karma? Life force?
SOMETHING ELSE?

is there a scientific explaination? if there is i would like to know.

More

Live in the moment, In this time
Its all the same old rhyme
Just waiting for a moment of relief that doesn't last

more than all the fake
more than all these lies
the meaningless cycle of our lives, the emptiness inside

The thirst for greater things
The urge to be the best
Only realizing you can't make reality fantasy

Love that doesn't last
Peace that never stays
Never Satisfied with what we got so far

None of it ever stays
It all will pass away
tell whats the one thing that can last through death?

Something deep inside me can't stand the thought of this truth.
IF this was all there is then why even go on?.................
Because:

Theres gotta be MORE!
More than all the countless let downs
This can't be all there is
I'm dying here

Falling out of place
My life ,This world is
spinning out of control
Just click the TV on .
and tell me its alright

Cuz everything that I feel
screams theres something more
Beyond the broken hearts
that are burning in the morgue

Just.
OPEN YOUR EYES

Sight

22Be merciful to those who doubt; 23snatch others from the fire and save them; to others show mercy, mixed with fear—hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh.
Jude 1:22-23 NIV


Easily said
HARD to do
Where is the line?

How did Jesus do it?
He chilled with prostitutes went and visited people who were "sketch"
He loved them like God loves ALL people
But at the same time he sorta "opened" their hearts to the sin they were living in, to the chains that were holding them down.
and he freed them
and changed their lives

When I see how Jesus changed the life of soo many people personally
When I see how my life has changed

I want to tell people to show them Jesus

but I guess its hard for people to see Jesus in the "crowd"
Zacchaeus wanted to meet Jesus but he couldn't get to him...with the crowd in the way
SO he climbed the tree...

I think everyone secretly wants to meet Jesus. They've been waiting for him their whole lives. They just can't see him
but when they do meet him or even catch a glimpse of him .........
They will want to know him more and know THATS the person they've been looking for....

The problem is finding a tree they can climb to see Him.

I think that thats our job we are "trees" LOL
I wanna be a goood tree
THe question is how do we be trees that can be relied on?

Go easy on those who hesitate in the faith. Go after those who take the wrong way. Be tender with sinners, but not soft to sin. The sin itself stinks to high heaven.
Jude 1:22-23 -The Message



(analogy heard from Tim Woo)

Defined

I am who other people think I am
I am who I portray myself as to those around me
What I wear
How I talk
Who I'm friends with
Who I'm important to
Who knows me
Who I know
What I have
What I can do
What I do
How I look
How smart I am
I am only worth as much as what I can DO
I am only worth as much as the VALUE PEOPLE PLACE ON ME

THAT is TRUTH in the world we live in.
and its degrading our souls.

There is such a high importance in being accepted by others
We go to GREAT lengths to be accepted by people.

In fact its SOOO damn important that we are willing to compromise our beliefs our values
and we are even ready to step on others to hurt others to BE accepted. We are ready to sacrifice our DIGNITY our pride in fact sometimes our life.
We hear stories of people who commit suicide because they weren't accepted .........

In math class I sit with a bunch of acquaintances that I guess would be the more "popular" group of kidz. And of course we all sit at the back not really paying attention to what the teacher is saying, talking about meaningless stuff. In front of us there are the nerdy Asian guys...you know the classic quiet guys who are so smart they just play DS in class or sleep. Except... theres one guy in the middle that sits right in front of us who looks like a nerdy Asian but...he's not that smart. This one guy is the guy that ALWAYS gets hate, a lot of hate from everyone. Everyday the "acquintainces" "play" with him: they will be nice to him and then somehow be REALLY nasty to him at the same time in a sorta mocking way. Then they'll start laughing in his face and talk crap in front of his face. And you know what? This guy makes a complete fool of himself. He doesn't sit quietly or even try to defend himself. He just LAUGHS along with them. He starts cracking jokes at himself.......and does things that are just humiliating for a normal person to do and say.

and as all these people are laughing I sorta just sit quietly in the back....... and as i see that guy making a fool of himself and laughing. I hear his silent scream: "accept me, love me"

it breaks my heart.

I was watching friends tonight. Basically, the plot revolved around the problem that Monica baked candy for the neighbours and neighbours kept coming back for more and more because it was soo good. At first Monica was flattered soo she kept baking for the neighbours. Eventually it came to a point where it was out of control and the neighbours didn't even care about her they just wanted the candy. And thats when Chandler said something like "The like the neighbours have for the candy is not the the same as the like they have for you" Implying that Monica was of course was confusing how much the neighbours liked her candy to how much they liked her as a person. In response, Monica said something like "you don't know how hard it is to get people to like you."

I guess we all put much of our identity in our RELATIONSHIPS
I know I did and still do
There was a point in my life where I was really down
It seemed like no one cared about me
I felt like TRASH.
I would get JEALOUS, ANGRY, ENVIOUS of the relationships other people were having with each other
I was selfish I wanted them all for MYSELF only me (aren't we all selfish?)

but someone reminded me: My relationships DO NOT define who I am

My identity lies in GOD in Jesus Christ.

What defines YOU? I mean if the above defines you then its sorta a weak foundation to place our identity in. It seems like it could fall apart at any minute second.
Relationships between humans are FRAGILE and soooo restricted.
Don't put your trust in things that are gona fail.
CUz only a relationship with GOD will last forever.
LIFE is short. People die....unexpectedly.

Sometimes I still get a little jealous............
but I think as I get to know God more, the less I become jealous and the more his LOVE for HUMANITY is placed in my heart.

LOVE